Across the Psychotic Dimension
by Galaxina-the-Seedrian
Summary: What if you lived in a world where everyone was completely and utterly insane except for you? I'll tell you this: be lucky that you're not. Rated because I fear for a child's innocence. This now a one shot series. I AM EXCEPTING REQUESTS! I own nothing but Cody and Milky Way.
1. Making Friends

**I decided to rewrite the chapters of what I've written so far in this, starting with chapter one. Don't worry, I'll work on the new chapters as well.**

**Enjoy the rewrite! :D**

**Note: Because of this, some of the plot of the series may change. But it will be for the better, and I am aiming to make the humor better. :3 Also, I own nothing but Milky and Cody**

**P/F/P/F**

_In between the dimensions...hidden in time...seen in the reflection of the stars...lies a world hidden from all others. It is know only as the Lost Dimension. Over a thousand years ago, a Magician who was born with a heart as black as a void, took over the dimension. Ultimately, he was overthrown, and banished into what his heart truly was..._

_...But not before placing a curse on the dimension, causing it to vanish into thin air._

_Yet, life still lived on in the dimension, as if nothing happened. Though it is far different from our own world. __In fact, you could say it's a bit...psychotic._

**_._**

**_._**

**_._**

**Episode 1: Making Friends**

In the town known as Danville, lived Phineas Flynn, a nine-year-old prodigy. He went to a school that was specifically created to increase the kings armies. Unlike most of the children, he didn't exactly believe that violence was the answer to everything, and pursued to find more diplomatic solutions to his problems. Because of this, Phineas was pretty much an outcast in his school, leaving him with only one friend in his life. Unfortunately, his only friend was…Irving.

"And that's when I looked at them-."

"Yeah," Phineas asked, though he didn't really show much of concern. Irving had been ranting about some bullies who picked on him weeks ago. If there was anyone more hated than Phineas, it was Irving. And, to be blunt, Phineas knew exactly why, and to make things worse he had to deal with him every single day.

"And I just giggled at them," Irving went on, "You know, like in the song."

"What song," Phineas asked.

"Giggle at the Grievers," Irving said as if Phineas of all people was being ridiculous, "It's so smart, and so practical to life."

Somehow, that gave Phineas a sense irony to the current statement told. He just kept smiling an obvious, fake smile. He didn't want to act mean or anything…even if it was Irving.

"So, did that work," Phineas asked.

"No, they dunked me into molasses anyway," Irving admitted, "But I bet they felt pretty silly."

Irving smiled proudly while Phineas sighed in defeat. This was as much as he could stand.

"Look, Irving," Phineas said, trying to be as nice as possible, "This has been a long time coming, and I need to tell you: you are the worst person, and maybe the dumbest. I know we've had great times and all, since we've started hanging out this past week. But I honestly can't overlook the fact that I honestly hate everything about you. I thought if I tried liking you you'd end up like broccoli and cheese, but it turns out you're worse than broccoli."

He turned to Irving, who just smiled, completely oblivious to what Phineas was saying, which made the ordeal even more irritating.

"I'm sorry, but we just can't be friends anymore," Phineas let out a sad sigh, "Even if it means I have...no friends at all."

With that, Phineas left, sad at what he just did, while Irving waved goodbye happily before beginning to talk to a little bird that had a weirdly shaped head.

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.

.

Cody was a "skilled" Magician with the brain of lint. He had white hair, wore blue attire, and had green eyes. Despite his blatant stupidity, he was still a capable Magician, though hardly anyone held respect for him.

Hours after Irving was left behind, Cody found Phineas sitting under a tree looking glum. The white-headed magician went over to him curiously. Phineas looked up to the teen as he talked to him, a pitiful look on the red-head's face.

"Looks like someone got a visit from the depression clown," Cody stated, loud and proud as he hovered over the boy.

Phineas sniffed. "His brightly colored pants keep falling down," he said, "And no one ever laughs."

Cody went to sit by the young, depressed Phineas Flynn. Although he was stupid, he could tell something was wrong. He liked Phineas, and only wanted to help the kid. After all, he was Candace's brother, and Candace (no matter how many times she threw things at him for being stupid) was a friend of his.

"What's the matter, kiddo," he asked casually.

"I just broke things off with my only friend," Phineas answered.

"Why'd you do that," Cody asked a little bewildered. Phineas would never do that to someone. He was just too nice, even in a town so mentally unstable.

"My only friend was Irving," Phineas said. And now it made perfect sense.

"Oh," Cody said rubbing the lobe of his neck, "Well, I'm sorry about that then."

"Now I'm gonna grow up to be just like Dr. Doofenshmirtz!"

**(A/N: Hm...now that I think about it, isn't he the main protagonist of this series? Why is the first episode about Phineas?)**

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that," Cody assured, "Dr. D's just under a lot of stress because he's the king's eldest son. But deep down, I think he's pretty cool."

Phineas' eyes widened. "He's the who's what now?"

How could someone like Cody know something like that before Phineas did?

"Yep," Cody said, "Crowns are pretty expensive though. I think they put them in museums most of the time you know," Cody began acting a bit awkward, "Well anyway, you and I shouldn't probably be seen together or I'm bound to get in trouble with someone."

"Why's that?"

"It's not like I don't like kids, in fact I think I like them a little too much…also I might be allergic to hot-dogs."

Cody suddenly began floating in the air with his hands behind his head in a relaxed position as he replayed his memories in his dense mind. Phineas stared at the older boy, completely disturbed at what he just heard. In fact, he began to slowly scoot away from the teenager, who was too deep in thought to notice the action.

"Should I," he stuttered a bit, "Should I find a police officer?"

"Like this one time I was supposed to be watching my cousin's kid," Cody went on, completely ignoring Phineas, "And her kid asked if she could have some ice cream for dinner, and I thought 'I dunno I never tried that before.' Kids have really great ideas sometimes..."

Cody frowned, and landed on his feet in front of Phineas, his hands falling to his sides as he finally remembered completely. "But then I got all hyperactive," he began to pace a little as he explained the rest of the story, "and I did a whole bunch of tricks to impress her, and ended up breaking my arms and legs. After that, she started throwing up all over the floor because she had too much ice cream. When I woke up in the hospital I wasn't allowed to watch my cousin's kids again."

"Your cousin's daughter got to eat ice cream," Phineas said with a smile, having completely ignored everything else in the story, "That sounds fantastic!"

No matter how smart Phineas was, he was still a kid. Naturally, kids are oblivious as heck, so this wasn't really surprising.

Cody gave a sheepish grin. "Well, it was great at the time."

Phineas hummed to himself before coming up with a decision. He stood up and walked over to Cody, who stopped pacing.

"Well, I just had a great idea," Phineas said, "I've never had a grown-up friend before. Do you wanna be my new friend?"

"Are you kidding," Cody asked, not wanting to befriend a young child. "That sounds awesome!"

...Curse you Cody!

.

.

.

_**Imagine him in blue**_

_**I do**_

_**Keep up with your insurance bills**_

_**He'll get you killed**_

_**He'll take us sledding down the stairs**_

_**Our greatest fears**_

_**He's not good with children~!**_

_**(~)**_

_**He'll let you use the stove**_

_**If you'd have known**_

_**That he would be your sad demise**_

_**And utter prize**_

_**He hasn't got such watchful eyes**_

_**It makes me cry**_

_**He's not good with children~!**_

_**(~)**_

_**I can't see this ending so well for you,**_

_**For your young life~!**_

_**You'll be lucky if nobody dies, and that's true**_

_**In your young life~!**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

"…So when the first party goes to hide, the second party known as the seeker begins counting to a number preferably a _mull-ty-pull_ of ten," Cody read from the piece of paper that he got from the internet. He turned to Phineas and said, "Hey, Phineas, what's a _mull-ty-pull_?"

_"Multiple,"_ Phineas corrected with a groan.

Cody turned back to the piece of paper and nodded. "Oh, _multiple_…great, am I gonna have to do math?"

Phineas sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Scratch what he said to Irving before. That kid maybe the worst human being on the planet, but at least he could count to ten. This guy was a complete moron! Not only that, but the teen was so stupid that he couldn't even tell that he himself was accident prone, even at the most obvious of times.

They ended up destroying an orphanage in the process of riding bikes, for crying out loud! How was that even possible?

Just then, a girl with crazy brown hair with a dying flower on her head poked her head over the young boy, who recoiled in slight fear at her sudden presence. Milky was probably the weirdest person in the town, and everyone knew this. She was very famous for her knack of baking impossibly delectable treats, but was also infamous for poisoning the entire town and causing mayhem on more than one occasion. Despite this, authorities never had enough prove to send her to jail.

"Hello, child," Milky said gleefully in a thick Russian accent, "Milky knows a great game to play! Yes."

"Oh, hey Milky Way," Cody said, giving the girl a glance.

"You will help me make cupcakes," Milky said in a sing-song tone.

"Cupcakes," Phineas grinned, "Lady, you are speaking my language!"

As Phineas followed the girl teen, he waved goodbye to Cody, who was too busy reading the paper to reply. It was then that the earth cried tears, for poor Phineas had forgotten the number one rule of their society: Never trust Milky.

.

.

.

"I am ready for those cupcakes," Phineas said as they walked into the bakery.

The kitchen was rather large, and that was because Milky needed enough room to bake goods. She was the town pastry chef, after all...of course, she was living under the roof of the Johnsons, mainly because she didn't have the insurance or sanity to live on her own. Phineas knew this, but ignored it for the sake of cupcakes.

Milky placed a chef's hat on Phineas' head, covering his messy hair. "First, you will have to make them," she said, "And then you'll have to eat them!"

"Oh," Phineas said, his voice falling a bit. He smiled again, saying optimistically, "Well, baking cupcakes sounds like fun."

"It is fun for me," Milky stated, "But today, we are business people. We do not bake for fun, but for purpose. Yes."

Phineas stared at Milky, digesting what she was saying.

"Are these gonna be for someone," Phineas frowned, glared a bit even at the sudden realization, "Did I just get roped into manual labor?"

"Yes," Milky replied, "We are making contravene cupcakes, yes."

"What does contravene mean," Phineas asked curiously.

He didn't get a direct answer, as Milky was too busy ranting about her plan. He compared her rant to a mad man trying to make conversation to a brick wall, and the said mad man actually considered that normal. It was then that he began to wonder whether it was worth trading Cody for Milky at this point...

"We shall smuggle the cupcakes across the border in out tummies," Milky said, sounding less like a model-citizen and more like a psychopath, "It is practice for when Milky goes to Gimmelshtump, _**and that is a secret I trust you**_! Yes."

Milky grabbed Phineas by the shoulders and pulled him up to her face. Phineas gritted his teeth in shock, not sure whether to be afraid or impressed with her "acting".

"What she cannot trust is the food there," she nearly shouted, "They will try to assassinate Milky! Yes."

"W-why would they do that," Phineas dared to ask. Milky set the boy down, but stared deeply into his eyes with a crazy look.

"Milky has enemies in high places," she explained.

Phineas nodded slowly. "So, you're planning to eat the cupcakes before you go to _Gimme-stump_, then?"

"NO ONE WILL SUSPECT," Milky answered with a giggle.

"Okay," Phineas said, although unsure of what to think. He smiled, saying, "Whatever I have to do to eat those cupcakes."

.

.

.

The cupcakes were finally done after a few hours passed by. They didn't look tasty at all, more like they were turned into small piles of black ashes. Milky began eating them anyway, completely unfazed but the fowl taste. Phineas, being naive assumed that despite how they looked, they must be good if Milky liked them...he was wrong.

"Phineas spit out the burnt cupcake, making vomiting noises that Milky chuckled at. "These taste terrible," Phineas said, "Can't I make some using the cook-book?"

"_THAT IS HOW THEY CONTROL YOU_," Milky warned. Phineas began to back away from the insane pastry chef, when Dr. Doofenshmirtz came entered the room, (really he ran into the room), turned looked at the two trying to be as calm as possible.

"Hey, you guys haven't seen a demon possessed platypus have you," he asked in casual panic, "I've lost track of Perry. Don't ask, just look out for people who are speaking in a low, inhumanly demonic voice, spinning their heads around, or vomiting pea soup."

The scientist turned to Milky with a dull expression as she offered him the cupcakes. "I'd tell you to look out for weird behavior too, but…in this town," Doofenshmirtz adverted his attention to Phineas, trying to ignore the pastry chef completely, "It seems like a waste of time."

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz was the sanest in the entire town. He was of royalty, like Cody said, but didn't like to mention his role as a prince, especially considering his age and the fact that he wasn't even married. Not only that, but his father, the king, was also a sadistic ruler, infamous for taking control over half of the planet, and Heinz wasn't exactly proud of that. The other half of the planet, however, was ruled by another, more majestic and kind ruler, but we'll talk more about that later.

The point was, was that Doofenshmirtz was probably the only human being there to have a state of mind, or at least one of them. And quite frankly, it was pretty hard to tell if there were anyone else as sane as him. It was even less likely that there would be someone in Danville, or the rest of the Tri-State Area for that matter, who was saner than him.

Phineas, remembering what Cody told him, had an idea. He might as well try to befriend Doofenshmirtz; after all, befriending him would actually be beneficial to himself and the community. He walked over to Dr. Doofenshmirtz while Milky continued to devour the cupcakes.

"Dr. D, I heard you were the king's eldest son," Phineas said, "As heir to the throne, you must have some political influence."

Doofenshmirtz blinked. "You're Candace's little brother, right?"

"Why don't you use your political influence to help people," Phineas asked, ignoring the question.

Doofenshmirtz rolled his eyes at the child. "Well why aren't you smart enough to create your own political influence," He asked in a bit of a harsh tone.

Phineas' frowned. "Nobody listens to a child," the boy protested.

"Well I'm sure it would help if you quit acting so childish all the time," Doofenshmirtz countered with no problem at all.

"It's important to look out for others," Phineas exclaimed.

"Look kid," Dr. Doofenshmirtz sighed, rubbing his temples, "One of these days you're probably gonna go to college, and you're gonna get a really soft major. It'll be a waste of everyone's time and money, but it's going to make _you_ feel really important."

"Well, maybe I won't need the sciences," Phineas retorted angrily earning a blank stare from the older man, "Maybe your sciences can't explain the reasons why I feel! And-and maybe it can't explain all the big important things, like, what makes us angry, or in love, or full of hate about something!"

After the rant, Phineas panted heavily, emotion taking over despite trying to calm down. Doofenshmirtz seemed to be examining the boy simply by staring at him as he hummed to himself for a moment. Milky had just finished her sixth cupcake and was chewing the seventh one.

"Your amygdala," Dr. Doofenshmirtz finally answered.

For a moment, Phineas stopped glaring and stared blankly at the man. "…My what," he asked, eyeing Doofenshmirtz.

Doofenshmirtz took a short breath before saying rather quickly, "You're amygdala probably regulates a storage of emotional memories which is why-."

"What the heck is an amydala," Phineas interrupted.

Doofenshmirtz's expression became an amused one. He smirked at the boy, who slowly began to grow in anger once more as the former doctor spoke. Milky looked away from the cupcakes as she became interested in the argument at hand, wearing a smirk of her own.

"Well, it looks like _someone_ knows less about science then science knows about him," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "Here's a tip, kid: you're never going to hope to defeat your enemies unless you know how they think. And by the time you know enough science to fight the scientific, it's too late! You're already a scientist!"

Phineas growled. "Well at least I have morals," Phineas argued loudly.

"Well at least I wasn't born out of wedlock."

Milky made an "ooh" sound. "You just got owned, child! Yes!"

Phineas became even more confused as opposed to being insulted. "What's wedlock," he asked, irritation growing.

"Oh-ho-ho! Another one," Dr. Doofenshmirtz turned to Milky with a smirk, "Milky Way, what's the score?"

"It is two to one," Milky said, giggling at Phineas, whose glared at her and back at Doofenshmirtz, "You are winning your evil little head right off!"

Dr. Doofenshmirtz snickered cruelly. "Alright, let's go again," Doofenshmirtz clasped his hands together, "What else?"

"He does not have any friends," Milky said.

Phineas's anger was quickly replaced with utter sadness.

"No friends," Doofenshmirtz paused for a moment. "Hm…well, I don't have any either, so I guess that's a tie then. Milky, put it on the board!"

"Two point five to one," Milky cheered.

Doofenshmirtz nearly face-palmed, his amusement drained by Milky's trolling. "Milky, he got a half point," Doofenshmirtz said, "It was a tie."

"But they are composed by half numbers," Milky insisted.

Doofenshmirtz glared. "That makes no sense!"

Phineas whimpered, his eyes becoming misty. Despite this, he refused to give up on the argument. He glared up at Doofenshmirtz and yelled, "Well at least I'm not a big jerk!"

Dr. Doofenshmirtz looked to Phineas, who was nearly crying, and suddenly felt a rare wave of guilt overcome him. "Oh man," he sighed, "I'm becoming the king."

"He-he, you made the child cry," Milky snickered.

Doofenshhmirtz ignored Milky and looked to Phineas.

"Look, kid," Dr. Doofenshmirtz put his hands on Phineas's shoulders, this time kneeling down to make eye contact, "I'm sure you're going to do great in college, or whatever. Just look out for Perry and tell me if you meet anyone who looks like he's been possessed."

Phineas stared for a moment, before sighing and wiping his eyes. "Alright, fine," he said before crossing his arms, "But there'd better be a good explanation about why and how Perry got possessed."

Doofenshmirtz's expression faded into a nervous grin. "Oh, look at the time," Doofenshmirtz said, standing up and looking at his watch-less wrist as he began to back away towards the door, "I better be going before Perry unleashes horrible unspeakably discriminating evils from beyond our point of existence."

Without a goodbye, Doofenshmirtz ran off. Phineas blinked before Milky offered him another cupcake. "I should probably be getting home, too," Phineas chuckled sheepishly as he made his way towards the exit, and stumbled off. Milky shrugged and continued to devour the baked bads.

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.

.

"All the adults in this town are _crazy_," Phineas told his sister, Candace, as she did her laundry, "What's wrong with them?"

Candace was Phineas's older sibling, and his legal guardian. After Phineas's birth, their parents had abandoned them and left them out on the streets. Candace was lucky to have a good friend like Stacey to help her get back on her feet. They found a house in Danville, which was the house they were residing in right now. They had been happily living in Danville ever since.

After starting a load in the washing machine, Candace proceeded to remove the clothes from the dryer before looking to her brother. "Grown-up friends are different, Phineas," she explained, "I can drink with Stacey or Doofenshmirtz, have a good date with Jeremy…everyone else kind of tags along, I guess."

"What about Cody," Phineas asked.

"I cannot explain Cody," Candace shook her head, almost out of annoyance.

"Or Milky?"

"Don't even get me started with her," Candace pointed her right pointer finger to Phineas, then turned to pick up the basket full of clothing.

Phineas sat down on a bean bag that was inside the laundry room, that also doubled as a rec-room since there was a pool table down there, as well as a TV and Wii. "Well, I've got nothing to do for the rest of the day," Phineas said, "And nobody to play with."

"Well I'm your friend, Phineas," Candace said with a warm smile.

"Thanks, Candace," Phineas smiled sadly, "But, I think I've had enough adult friends for one day."

Candace nodded in understanding just as the phone rang from upstairs. She stopped what she was doing and quickly went to get the phone, leaving Phineas to fiddle with his thumbs. A barely audible conversation was heard from the laundry/recreational room. Moments later, Candace began to yell in shock, and immediately went downstairs with a look of anger. Phineas gasped and hid behind the bean bag as she came over to him.

"You knocked down an orphanage," she yelled.

Phineas's eyes widened. He had totally forgotten about that!

"I-it was an accident," Phineas said, trying to explain.

"How did you manage to do it with bikes," Candace asked, grinding her teeth.

"Don't blame me," Phineas exclaimed in panic, "Cody was the one who fueled our bikes with rockets!"

"He did what," Candace exclaimed, "I am going to strangle Cody, and you're grounded!"

"I can't get grounded over the fact that I'm emotionally scarred by Dr. D," Phineas argued.

"Well then," Candace said, "I am going to strangle Cody, Dr. D, and you're grounded!"

"But Milky-!"

"I am going to strangle Cody, Dr. D, Milky, and you're grounded!"

Phineas sighed as he began to shuffle his feet sadly. "But if I'm grounded then I can't go to Thaddeus' birthday party, and then I won't make any friends at all."

Candace thought for a moment, then sighed in defeat. "Fine you can go to the party…"

Phineas gave a satisfied smile, not noticing the look of punishment on his sister's face.

"...But then you're grounded twice to make up for it."

Phineas's became sheepish at those words. "I-I was just kidding, I don't wanna go!"

"Too late!" Candace yelled before pushing Phineas up the stairs, "To the party!"

"The party's tomorrow."

"Oh...well, then, off to bed with you."

"It's only six p.m."

"GO!"

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.

At the party, which was not mentioned until now for some odd reason, everyone was having a good time. Now that Phineas thought about it, most likely Thaddeus only invited him because if he managed to get to a bounce house, he'd pop it while he was inside. So he stayed away from any activities, and sat at a table alone...well, not completely. Two other kids around his age, one a boy, and one a girl, were also sitting at the table. The three stared at each other for a moment, glancing around the room awkwardly (though the boy who had green hair seemed to be copying whatever Phineas and the girl were doing).

"So how'd you guys get to this shin-dig," Phineas started, "I've never seen either of you before. Are you friends with Thaddeus and Thor?"

"My parents don't know I'm here, baby" the girl said, having a sense of rhythm to her voice.

The two turned to the boy with green hair, who stared with a blank expression. A long paused ensued before he gave an answer.

"...I came here from between the cracks on the walls," the boy said in an inhumanly low voice, "From the dark places where only dreams may go."

Phineas and the gave looks to each other before smiling at each other an the boy.

"So you guys just wandered in from the street then," Phineas said, "Do you like making things?"

The girl gave a seductive grin that Phineas seemed oblivious to. "That depends," the girl flirted, "Are you offering to let me make a sculpture of you~?"

"I have heard of this forbidden art," the boy said.

"Well that's good enough for me," Phineas said with a grin, "You guys must be better than _Irving_ at least. Let's be friends. My name's Phineas."

"You're name is really cute," the girl said, "My name is Isabella~."

"I go by many names: The Dark Wing, Nightmare Flash, Demon Hands…but you may call me…Ferb," the boy exclaimed his name triumphantly, "...I am a typical human being."

"So since we're all friends now," Isabella said, "You guys wanna play a party game like truth or dare, spin the bottle, or seven minutes in heaven~?"

"I think we should all band together and, **KILL HEINZ DOOFENSHMIRTZ**," Ferb said so suddenly, the last three words sounding a bit demonic.

Phineas and Isabella turned to him with weirded out expressions. Ferb didn't seem to notice.

"I like the cut of your jib," Phineas said in a way that made it clear that he thought Ferb was joking, "But, have you ever considered just converting him into our way of thinking?"

"Yes," Ferb said a grin forming on his face, "Perhaps we should convert him…**INTO A MURDERED VICTIM**."

"Every time one of us does a dare correctly," Isabella said, changing the subject back to the games, "We can get a piece of candy~."

She took out a candy corn and began sucking on it as she battered her eyes sexily at Phineas. The red-headed boy failed to understand what she meant.

"We can do that at my house," Phineas suggested, "We have lots of games at my house."

"Sounds like a plan," Isabella said after eating the piece of candy.

"I AM BLENDING IN," Ferb announced, causing everyone to stare. "...I AM NORMAL!"

So, in the end, even though Phineas was still grounded and was mentally traumatized by Candace's friends, he did manage to make some…rather odd companions. So...I guess this is a happy ending...I suppose...

[The End]

**A/N:**

**And there you go! Still a dumb fic, but better than the other version! :D**

**I hope you all enjoyed this rendition! :) Please review, follow, and fave!**


	2. Looks Can Kill a Dragon

**Here's the next rewrite. Enjoy, yes? He-he-he-he-heeee...**

**I own nothing but Cody and Milky.**

**P/F/P/F**

**Episode 2: Looks Can Kill a Dragon**

The town had gathered together in an auditorium, talking to each other for no particular reason, waiting for an announcement. On the stage of the large room was Dr. Doofenshmirtz, who was holding a microphone. He cleared his throat, silencing the crowd and grabbing their attention. "Everyone, listen," Doofenshmirtz said, "Since you're all too stupid to notice this, I'm here to tell you that there's a giant black cloud of smoke above the Tri-State Area."

Everyone looked out the windows only to see that there were indeed black clouds over their town.

They blinked stupidly instead of giving a proper reaction.

Doofenshmirtz groaned. "The smoke is being caused by a dragon," he continued, "And the king has asked me to gather up my, and I quote, _'weedy little friends'_ so I can go take care of it. Now I'm sure some of you are wondering, "How's Heinz and some dopey little kids possibly going to stand up a full grown dragon?" and I want you all to know, that if I don't come back, it's because I gave up. I probably skipped town, along with the entire Tri-State Area all together, because I don't care about _any_ of you, and I want you to know that."

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In Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated, a small meeting was assembled with Dr. Doofenshmirtz, Perry (who had recovered from being possessed, barely though), Candace, Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, Milky, and Cody. Heinz stared at the children, teens, and adult (Candace was in her twenties) seriously. "I feel like the other thing I should let you all know is that we're probably gonna die and that I have absolutely no faith in you."

Milky nodded in agreement. "I understand your pain," she said, "I don't have faith in any of them! Yes."

While everyone else began writing their wills, Phineas walked over to Doofenshmirtz.

"Hey, Dr. D," Phineas said, "Why would your dad-?"

Heinz glared. The fact that the king was his father was disturbing enough. Having his "friends" mention that fat twenty-four seven didn't benefit him.

"Sorry," Phineas started over, realizing that he pinched a nerve, "Why would the king trust you to take down a dragon while aided by a bunch of kids, a Magician with no brain, my sisiter, a platypus, and a mentally unstable pastry chef? He doesn't trust you with a waffle iron."

Doofenshmirtz's expression changed to a look of understanding.

"Simple, Phineas," he said, "The king hates me, and every child in this city. I would not put it passed him."

Phineas nodded, digesting this quicker than usual details. Perry, a platypus who learned the English language vocally, sighed. "This can only end with all of us being burnt to the stake," he said pessimistically, "Especially since we're bringing Milky with us."

"He, he, yes," Milky softly chuckled to herself.

"I do not want to burn to the stake," Ferb piped into the conversation, "Do normal humans do that? I don't want to do that unless that's what normal humans do."

"Well, I think we'll be fine without Cody," Isabella stated, ignoring Ferb's question along with everyone else.

Everyone else seemed to agree, since Cody was very, very, stupid. He'd only get in there way, logically speaking. So it was a bit of a shock to hear Doofenshmirtz, whose life was completely devoted to logic, disagree.

"No," he said, "Cody can fly using his magic, and is the fastest among us, so my plan is for him to use his magical abilities to fly down its throat and choke it to death."

"…Well I think Cody should come with us," Isabella said.

Everyone agreed for a moment, until Candace butted in.

"Wait a minute," Candace said, "If Cody can use magic, then can't he just levitate the dragon off a cliff while it's asleep?"

"No," Doofenshmirtz said, "That's stupid. If it weren't, I would have thought of that."

Ignoring Doofenshmirtz's last comment, Perry explained to Candace further. "Candace, this is Cody we're talking about," the platypus said, "Do you really want to save his hide?"

Candace hummed to herself for a moment before coming to the conclusion that Perry was right.

"Alright everyone, get lost," Doofenshmirtz ordered, "I'll meet you on the outskirts of the city in an hour."

.

.

.

Hours later, just a few miles outside of Danville, the group of children, young adults, and a platypus stood in a straight line facing Dr. Doofenshmirtz. They each had a bag of important supplies (or, in Milky's case, several rubber chickens, confetti, and poisonous cupcakes) to take on the journey.

"This is going to be a difficult journey with no real reward at the end," Doofenshmirtz said, "but at least you'll all die knowing you were all remotely good for something."

Doofenshmirtz turned to the two Flynn siblings, who were standing side-by-side. "First off, we've got Candace and Phineas Flynn, siblings who were abandoned by their parents for no reason…"

Phineas and Candace glared hatefully at Doofenshmirtz, who simply ignored them.

"Oh, so you can say something personal about me, but when it comes to your problems," Phineas began but got cut off.

"Next up we have Milky Rachel Way," Doofenshmirtz gave a glance to Milky, who wore a mischievous grin, "Recently paroled from house arrest and unable to be left alone without supervision."

Suddenly, Milky jumped out of the line, and got into Doofenshmirtz's face.

"How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb," Milky asked before turning to the rest of the line, "ONE! The others are unnecessary!"

Everyone stared for a moment before Doofenshmirtz pushed her back in line between Candace and Cody.

"…Okay," Heinz continued, "Then of course we've got Isabella Garcia Sharpio, brought along purely because the government said she had to go and for no other reason."

Isabella smiled and said, "They don't call it high-class escort for nothing."

Doofenshmirtz turned to Perry. "Then we have Perry the Platypus, brought along because we may need a back-up plan."

Perry's eyes widened. He eyed the doctor. "Wait a minute," he asked, "What back-up-?"

Doofenshmirtz ignored the platypus and turned to Cody, who was staring at a fly. "And finally we've got Cody himself," Doofenshmirtz said, "Brought along for slap-stick comedy and a suicide attack!"

Cody stared horrified, and then disappointed all in one swift motion. "Aw man, can I change mine?"

"Alright," Doofenshmirtz said, "let's get this debacle in motion!"

"You forgot Demon Hands!"

Everyone turned to the glaring green-headed boy with the unnatural voice and a head shaped like Doofenshmirtz's home.

"…Oh right…" Doofenshmirtz said, "and this is…um…green-haired one."

Ferb looked like he was going to kill someone at that point (specifically Doofenshmirtz), though no one noticed. Phineas sighed.

"His name is Ferb, Dr. D" Phineas said.

"Well how am I supposed to know that," Doofenshmirtz asked, glaring.

"You remembered mine just fine," Phineas said.

"Yes, but your name's easy to remember," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said before motioning to Ferb, "This guy has _several_ names. And their all creepy, like he's some sociopath planning on a murder."

"Do you think I can legally change my name," Cody asked, raising his hand.

"Who cares, show of hands," Isabella asked mockingly, "Who cares what Doofenshmirtz thinks?"

"Cause I really wanna be Magical Womanizer," Cody said wiggling his eyebrows.

Phineas let out a groan. "Can't we just go onto marching to our death," he asked as if it were a plea."

"Alright, let's just look at the map that the king gave us," Dr. Doofenshmirts said taking out the said map. The man groaned. "Oh, you have got to be kidding."

Upon hearing this, everyone else went and peered at the map. None of them were surprised to see that the map looked like a complicated maze.

"I don't even think you can solve this," Doofenshmirtz said more to himself than to anyone else. He sighed as he crumbled the map and threw it away. "Oh well. Looks like we're winging it."

.

.

.

The group made it to the foot of the mountain of which on the top slept the dragon. It was almost as big as Mount Everest, maybe even bigger, but considering these guys are cartoon characters, I'm pretty sure they'll be fine. I mean, they defy the laws of physics all the time anyway, so I don't see why they can't climb up a mountain without any actual equipment.

"Okay," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said looking up the mountain, "Does anyone know how to climb mountains, because it may not be the dragon that kills us."

"I say we just climb," Candace said, "Otherwise someone will just start bickering again."

They all agreed, and began climbing up the tall, steep mountain, only to be immediately stopped by Milky.

"Wait a minute," Milky said, "I just realized that we have to go back."

"Why, we're barely up the mountain," Perry reminded Milky, doubting that she of all people would cower out of a situation like this.

"Because I just realized that I left my IPod Touch with Jerry," Milky said referring to her pet raccoon, "And the last time I left him alone with my IPod he took out all of my songs and replaced them with bizarre pornography."

"Wait," Doofenshmirtz turned to Milky, eyeing her, "Your pet raccoon did that?"

"Actually, that was totally me," Cody admitted.

"YOU," Milky yelled with a menacing glare, "Oh, the things I did to Jerry are only HALF of what I will do to you!"

"No one can touch MAGICAL WOMANIZER!" Cody said, getting in Milky's face, pathetically attempting to out-glare her.

"Guys, shut up, or I'll strangle you both," Candace warned, raising a fist.

Though Milky ignored Candace, Cody didn't, and immediately walked away from the pastry chef out of pure terror of Candace's wrath.

.

.

.

The group made it atop of a ravine, of which on the bottom hundreds of feet down were thousands of sharp rocks. Everyone but Phineas managed to jump across. As Candace, Cody, Ferb, and Isabella went ahead, Dr. Doofenhsmirtz, Perry, and Milky stayed behind. Doofenshmirtz turned to the child and said, "C'mon, or we'll leave you behind!"

Before Phineas had the time to answer, Doofenshmirtz said.

"Actually, just kidding," Doofenshmirtz said the king said I have to bring all of you and we have to follow his orders."

"Are you insane," Phineas said, "I'm not gonna jump!"

"Are you still afraid of that sky-diving incident," Doofenshmirtz asked, "You know that happened two years ago."

"Well I can't help it if I'm still traumatized," Phineas glared.

"Milky, sing one of your songs from the orphanage to help calm his nerves," Perry ordered.

Phineas' eyes widened. "Not a song," he begged, but it was too late.

_**Step one: Try not to be so self conscious**_

_**Two: Sift your weight into your haunches**_

_**Three: Take a leap into the air**_

_**And four: Just forget your parents are both dead!**_

"Please stop," Phineas whimpered.

_**Chin up, even if you're not adopted**_

_**It's not because you are unwanted**_

_**But, it may help if you were magic**_

_**Not-just-some-deformed-red-headed-child-who-nobody-will-ever-love-because-he-is-unworthy~!**_

"Shut up," Phineas yelled, "That song didn't help me at all! In fact, it makes me feel worse!"

"My work here is done then, yes" Milky said, hopping towards the group ahead.

Doofenshmirtz and Perry groaned. "Phineas," Doofenshmirtz said, "If you don't continue this mission, the king will shove a thing up your butt. I don't rmember what it's called, but trust me, you don't want it in there!"

This didn't help at all, and Phineas began clinging to the side of the mountain. "But I don't want a thing shove up in my butt," Phineas said, "Oh gosh..."

"I just said that," Doofenshmirtz sighed, "I don't want a thing shoved up my butt either, so just hurry up and jump."

Perry rolled his eyes, before giving a look of compassion to Phineas. "No one's gonna shove anything up your butt, Phin," he reassured.

"Maybe your sister," Doofenshmirtz snickered.

"Shut-up," Perry growled.

"You know," Doofenshmirtz said, falling into thought, "My father used to threaten me with that butt thing all the time when I was a kid."

Phineas and Perry stared at Doofenshmirtz in shock, with a pinch of disgust and horror. Neither of them were sure whether to be surprised at what Doofenshmirtz possibly witnessed or the fact that the man actually called the king his father.

"That is just a little too much, Dr. D," Phineas said.

"You're telling me," Doofenshmirtz said, ignoring Phineas and Perry's obvious discomfort, "I used have nightmares about it. You know, he actually once showed me how it works. On a live human being, I kid you not, there was blood everywhere...who shows that kind of thing to a _child_?"

"Milky would," Perry said, "and she'd probably say that it builds character to justify her actions."

"True," Doofenshmirtz admitted with a nod. At the sudden image of Milky laughing madly as she did that said act, Doofenshmirtz cringed and said with a glare, "This is why I don't tell you guys about myself."

"Can we please talk about something else," Phineas asked.

"NO," Dr. Doofenshmirtz yelled, "If you don't jump that ravine right now I'm gonna tell you about the time the king made me smother my mother's pet bird to death."

"Please, no, not another back-story," Phineas pleaded as he fell to his knees.

Doofenshmirtz held no mercy, even while Perry looked at him with look that begged "Do as the boy asks".

"My father took me to her room and he handed me a pillow…"

"Please, I don't wanna hear this," Phineas said, trying to plug his ears.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz only spoke louder. "And then he made me hold it over the bird's face until it burst into flames and turned into ashes. And then the king, he leans right down next to me and says _"I guess you owe me now."_ And then, there was the time…"

"Okay, stop it Heinz," Perry said, "You're starting to scare us."

"Scaring YOU? And then, there was a time where I used to have a stuffed bear named Mr. Stuffy, and one day while I was playing doctor with him, my father came, and he took out all of Mr. Stuffy's stuffing, him with bread and said _"There. Mr. Stuffy isn't real."_ And then he told me to write a three-hundred page essay explaining what that proved, and I didn't _know_!"

Heinz suddenly began to sob lightly. Perry and Phineas stared at the man until he wiped his face and said weakly, "D-did either of you pack some scotch, or whiskey or…paint thinner?"

"…Phineas, I would give just about anything if you jumped right now," Perry said, thinking to himself that he would "wash away the horror" later.

Phineas nodded with a blank stare, obviously scarred by what he just heard. "Okay."

.

.

.

Hours pasted as the group continued climbing up the mountain. They made it under a cliff-side, where they made a stop before continuing.

"Now, remember," Dr. Doofenshmirtz warned the group, "The softest scream will cause an avalanche."

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

Suddenly, boulders began falling from the cliff. Everyone bolted for the other side, screaming for their lives as they did so.

"Darn it, Milky," Doofenshmirtz yelled angrily.

The pastry chef gave a guilty smile. "Sorry," she said, "Force of habit. Yes."

.

.

.

"Twenty-Two, another empty day," Milky said drawing a line in the dirt ground.

After the avalanche, it was noticed immediately that Isabella and Cody were both missing. Although Doofenshmirtz was too stubborn to go back and look for them, he at least had some decency as to at least wait for them. They had been waiting for them for over two weeks, and were running out of food and water. Doofenshmirtz and Perry at the moment were discussing how to solve this problem.

"How in the world could those two have possibly gotten themselves lost for that long," Dr. Doofenshmirtz asked.

"Well, maybe if we went back for them instead of leaving them to die," Perry began but was interrupted.

"I dunno if I can even trust Cody and Isabella together in the same place alone," Doofenshmirtz rubbed his temples at the thought.

"They may have gotten trapped in the avalanche," Perry said, "Are you sure we shouldn't go back?"

"Yes, I'm sure," Doofenshmirtz said, "They may be stupid, but I'm sure they can take care of themselves."

"But you just said-oh, forget it."

...FUUUUUU-!

Meanwhile, Phineas, not having the knowledge of how to convince Doofenshmirtz to go and find their friends, went over to Ferb to answer a specific question that had bothered him for some time since the avalanche ceased.

"Ferb, during the avalanche, why did you try to use Dr. D as a shield," Phineas asked, "He may be a jerk sometimes back he's not that bad of a guy when you get to know him...or, at least that's what my sister says...then again she's a bit on the crazy side..."

With that being said, Phineas and Ferb both glanced to Candace, who was playing a game of tic-tac-toe with Milky, who kept on winning the game for some reason.

"I am a typical human-being," Ferb stated, "And as such, I acted upon the situation humanly."

"O-kay," Phineas gave a weirded out look, "If you say so."

As Candace and Milky began another game of tic-tac-toe, Candace turned to Milky and said, "Hey, Milky, do you ever worry about being mono-dimensional?"

Milky looked at Candace with a confused expression. The two didn't see eye to eye, and Candace didn't usually talk to her because of her blatant insanity (even if Milky lived in the same house as Candace's boyfriend), so it was a real shocker to hear Candace talking about her "problem" to the pastry chef.

"Not really," Milky said with a shrug, "Why do you ask?"

"Because facing death has made me think about things, and I realize that I've been really mono-dimensional," Candace explained, "I mean, Jeremy this, kiss him that, I really think I'm obsessed with the guy. I'm starting to wonder whether I should have dated other guys behind his back."

"You'd cheat on him," Milky asked, giving a surprised look.

"I'm contemplating Milky," Candace explained, "I'm not _actually_ going to go through with it. I love Jeremy, after all. It's just that I wonder if things would be different if I went with other people, or changed my sexuality just to avoid being mono-dimensional."

Milky stared, obviously not understanding where Candace was coming from, but chuckled anyway. "You and I live in two completely different worlds," Milky said.

Candace rolled her eyes. "I dunno why I bother opening up to you."

Just then, Isabella and Cody finally appeared. Cody was dragging Isabella, who was lying on the ground with beady, unexpressed eyes.

"We're okay, everyone," Cody announced, grabbing everyone's attention, "Isabella had a bit of a bathroom accident and she hit her head, so I just picked her up and dragged her all the way here. I'm not a doctor but come to think of it I don't think it did her any favors."

Just then, Isabella sat up, groaning as she rubbed her head in agony. "Ugh, what happened~?"

"I knew we should have gone back," Perry said as he crossed his arms.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz rolled his eyes and said, "Forget it, let's just keep moving."

"Where am I," Isabella asked.

She never got an answer.

.

.

.

After Isabella recovered from her brain damage, everyone began climbing the mountain again. They climbed for about three days before finally coming near the dragon's cave.

"So how soon before I fly through this dragon's throat," Cody asked as he hovered above Doofenshmirtz.

"As soon as you work up the courage to," Dr. Doofenshmirtz answered.

The group came to a stop as they all made it to the mouth of the dragon's cave. Cody gulped.

"Alright, time's up," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said as he began walking towards the cave, "Now remember, when you get lodged down in there (the dragon's throat, that is) make sure you turn sideways so he can't cough you back up."

"No way," Cody said mispronouncing "way" as "ray", "I'm not gonna die as Cody."

"Well what do you mean this is exactly why," Doofenshmirtz trailed off, "...Wait...are you still talking about your name?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna die for the Tri-State Area," Cody explained, "Just have the king change my name this one time."

"Why are you so fixated on being Magical Womanizer," Doofenshmirtz asked, on the verge of face-palming.

"Well who wouldn't want to be magical in Womanzeria," Cody asked.

Everyone stared in utter shock at Cody, except for Candace who said, "For Pete's sake, his brain is the size of a walnut."

"Wait, let me get this straight," Doofenshmirtz said, "You think Womaneria's a place?"

"Heinz," Candace said, but was interrupted by Cody.

"Yeah, people always think I'm from there," Cody said.

"From there," Doofenshmirtz asked.

"Yeah, as in a tropical island," Cody said as if it were a question.

"Cody...don't you notice that you're a big flirt," Isabella of all people asked.

"What," Cody asked, "No! I don't even like girls."

"Uh, so, does that mean you're gay," Perry asked in surprise.

"What does gay mean," Phineas asked as Isabella and Ferb bother made the same curious looks as the red-head.

"Well of course," Cody said as if it were obvious, "I mean, it's kind of hard not to be happy in a place like this."

"Uh...I always that you were," Doofenshmirtz felt more and more awkward the deeper they were getting into the conversation.

"HEINZ," Candace yelled, still trying to get his attention.

"Yeah, my roommate Tenzo always tried explaining to me what it was before he left for Juvenile Hall," Cody explained, "Said something about being in your heart, or something that you feel, you know like National Pride or whatever."

"Heinz," Candace said, finally getting Doofenshmirtz's attention. She made a motion with her hand that showed the sized of a walnut. "Listen, Heinz: His brain. This big."

"Oh seriously," Cody groaned, "Let me guess, it's not a tropical island is it?"

"It isn't," Candace sighed.

Doofenshmirtz went over to Candace, almost as if he were trying to speak to her in private. "Hey, Candace," he said, "So, does he really...you know...go that way, so to speak?"

Candace hummed to herself in wonder. "Well, I don't know that," Candace admitted, "Not really."

An awkward pause ensued, though the three children, Cody, and Milky (who was smacking a rock with a rubber chicken), were oblivious to it.

"Well I don't wanna change my name anymore it Womanizeria isn't a nice place to live," Cody said.

"Good," Doofenshmirtz turned to the Magician, "Then are you ready to die for the cause?"

"'Kay," Cody gave a casual shrug of indifference and stupidity.

"Alright then," Doofenshmirtz said beginning to walk into the cave, "I'm gonna lure that thing out here. The minute it rears it's ugly head, Cody, you fly straight down its wind-pipe. Everyone else, if the dragon attempts to cough Cody back up, use anything you have to take him down."

Everyone except for Milky (who was giggling madly) and Ferb (who was glaring at Doofenshmirtz) saluted. With that, Doofenshmirtz walked into the cave that was filled with gold and jewels, all guarded by the giant, purple lizard with wings that breathed fire.

"So hey, Mr. Dragon," Doofenshmirtz said as he looked for the creature in the dark cave, "I've got this palatable friend outside who would just love to be eaten alive. He tastes like candy-."

_Bump_

Doofenshmirtz looked to see that he had bumped into the dragon's nose, causing it to wake up. Doofenshmirtz took a few quick steps back from the beast. "Oh, hey," Doofenshmirtz chuckled nervously, "So...so like I was saying: My friend. You should totally eat him. You know, cause he's high in protein..."

The dragon continued to stare, completely unimpressed. Doofenshmirtz sighed. "The thing is that I learned today that if you replaced all of my friends with sliced bread," Doofenshmirtz began, "I'd still probably be miserable for some other reason. So if you can find it in your heart to eat Cody and go away, then I'll probably continue living without a thing being shoved in my butt, and I'd really like that."

Once Doofenshmirtz finished his ramble, he realized that the dragon had fallen back asleep. Doofenshmirtz tried waking it up again, but it simply snored louder. Afterwards, Doofenshmirtz gave up and went outside.

.

.

.

"My plan sucked more than Isabella," Doofenshmirtz groaned.

"Oh, and I thought we were getting along so well on this trip," Isabella pouted.

"Milky will make him devour Cody, yes" Milky said, picking up Cody, kicking and screaming as she ran into the cave.

Everyone else gave rather amused expressions. Isabella even said, "You go get him, killer!"

Inside the cave, the group witnessed Milky throw Cody at the dragon. Of course, this only made Cody recoil back at Milky, and although it woke the dragon up, it merely threw the two back at the others, knocking them over like bowling pins.

"Milky does not understand," Milky whined from on top of Cody and Candace, "She always wins. Yes."

"I have a better idea," Ferb said as he got off of Phineas and began walking into the cave, "I shall make him leave or face the wrath of Nightmare Flash."

"Seriously, just call yourself Ferb," Dr. Doofenshmirtz insisted, though Ferb could care less.

Ferb walked into the depths of the cave, over to the dragon, who stared down at him threateningly. Phineas, Isabella, and Perry looked in worry, while everyone else looked as if they could care less, or at least found some amusement to what was about to happen. Ferb glared into the dragon's eyes, and quickly made the dragon feel feeble.

"If you do not leave this cave immediately I will make you wish you were never born," Ferb said, "You will beg for death, and although you will get your wish in the end, you will gain it as slowly and painfully as possible."

The dragon stared at the child and said, "But I was just testing your love. And you passed. With flying colors."

Ferb's eyes suddenly widened. The dragon made a foolish mistake in staring too deep into the green-headed one's eyes...

Everyone let gasped in horror as blood flew everywhere, even onto them, like rapid rains pouring down upon them. Ferb, probably the bloodiest of them all, walked out of the cave with a satisfied look. "The dragon has been made no more," Ferb announced, "I am NORMAL!"

"Yes, Ferb," Phineas said, feeling oddly proud of his friend despite his actions, "Yes you are."

.

.

.

"…And there was so much blood, we slid down that mountain like a waterslide," Phineas, still covered in blood like everyone else, said to the large crowd in the auditorium as he relayed the entire journey to them. Candace began to ponder and turned to Doofenshmirtz with a disturbed look. "I still can't believe Ferb managed to commit murder by staring."

"I will never understand that boy," Dr, Doofenshmirtz admitted shaking his head.

And neither will anyone else.

[The End]

**AN:**

**That was hilarious, if I do say so myself. I hope you enjoyed, and have a nice day. :D**


	3. A Ticket to Disaster

**Here's the next rewrite. :3 Enjoy.**

**P/F/P/F**

_**Random voice: I am the greatest, I am the greatest. Ah, ah, ah, ah, arrogant human**_

_**Dr. D: I used to live in content misery**_

_**Till you jerks started jerking with me**_

_**Cody: **I like race cars_

_**Milky: **I'M NAKED!_

_**Isabella: **Hey, who's your friend?_

_**Phineas: Faithful and strong**_

_**Ferb: **I am a normal human being_

_**Dr. D: My life's full of repeat defeats**_

_**Random voice: I am the greatest**_

_**I hope you all choke~**_

_**Candace: **__Since when did we need a theme song?_

_**Dr. D: **__Shut up._

.

.

.

**Episode 3: A Ticket to Disaster**

It was another uneventful day at Danville. Since the dragon incident, everyone has been trying hard to get over the trauma. Not of the dragon, of what happened to the dragon. Of course, considering their stupidity and/or mental problems, that's not gonna be a problem.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz and Perry were both carrying baskets of apples for some strange reason.

"Thanks again for helping me pick these apples, Dr. D," Perry said, "I still don't know why the OWCA would make the employees get any in the first place."

"No problem, Perry," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said acting surprisingly chipper, "I'm surprised you didn't ask me sooner, you being a filthy animal and all."

Perry stopped and dropped the basket full of apples before going over to Doofenshmirtz and grabbing him by the collar of his black lab coat.

"A filthy animal that can easily kick you in the hind so hard your intestines will spew out of your mouth," Perry threatened.

Doofenshmirtz had no hesitation with his answer. Only possible fear. "I'll be quiet."

"Good," Perry released Doofenshmirtz with a smirk, picked up the apples and kept moving towards the OWCA building (one of the buildings, anyway), that was hidden.

After helping Perry with his unnecessary chore, Dr. Doofenshmirtz went to get his mail. Perry just tagged along because, since he lived with Doofenshmirtz, he was kind of hoping that he'd get some mail from his relatives, specifically his sister. However, there was only one letter in the mailbox. It had stamp on it that had the royal symbol on it, meaning one thing: it was from the king.

"Uh oh," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said taking out a letter, "What does my father want this time?"

He sighed and opened the envelope, hoping for some good news for a change. Inside were two tickets and a letter. Perry snatched the letter and read it out loud against Doofenshmirtz's wishes. The letter said:

_"Dear Heinz (the son I wish I never had),_

_I hope you're having a wonderful time in Danville, and not over hear in the luxurious city of Gimmelshtump. Your time of exile has ended for reasons that I will only explain once you return. Because of this, I am regretful as to say, here's two train-tickets for a trip back to your homeland. Enjoy._

_Your king_

_The King"_

Even in letters his father refused to say his real name, which people, especially Heinz, tended to find rather odd. The only other person besides Doofenshmirtz who knew his name was his little brother, Roger, who also lived in Danville for completely different reasons. While Doofenshmirtz had been exiled for failing a specific task that he'd rather not talk about, Roger was famous for being a world-peace advocate, an organ donor, a wildlife conservationist, a children's book author, and the freely elected leader of his own country...oh, and the mayor of Danville.

But none of that mattered. After Perry finished reading the letter, for once in his life, Dr. Doofenshmirtz was happy for something that had nothing to do with someone else's misery.

"Two tickets," Doofenshmirtz said, "I can finally escape this rat-hole prison, and will never have to see those poor excuses for friends ever again!"

Perry crossed his arms, the letter still in hand, looking rather skeptical. "I dunno, Dr. D, you know how the king can be," he warned, "You know that this is more than likely this is some spasm set up he made because he was bored."

Perry looked over to Doofenshmirtz who gave him a pleading look (that looked very weird on someone like him). "Please, Perry," he begged, "Don't crush my dreams."

Cody fell from the sky, landing on top of Dr. Doofenshmirtz and Perry, who both glared angrily at the magical idiot. He was obviously doing some intense, Magician training, and definitely not slacking off his work.

"Sorry, I was taking a nap," Cody apologized.

_Curse you Cody! I hope you burn!_

"Oh my gosh you've got train tickets," Cody asked, "I can use one of those babies to ride to the Magician's Air Show!"

"Why," Dr. Doofenshmirtz asked.

Cody landed in front of Doofenshmirtz and Perry, beginning to make a small pace as he explained.

"I want to be emotionally validated by my childhood idols," Cody explained, "I've dreamed my whole life of crashing one of their performances and making an obnoxious jerk of myself to get attention. I thrive on attention!"

Cody made an arrogant pose that made Doofenshmirtz roll his eyes and Perry eyeing him dully.

"No, that's not what I meant," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "you want to go to an air-show."

"Yeah," Cody nodded.

"Trains can't get into the sky," Doofenshmirtz said.

"Yeeeaaaah," Cody tilted his head, wearing a happy grin.

"The air-shows takes place in MageDale," Doofenshmirtz explained further, "The Magical city hidden...on the clouds...in the sky."

"Yeeeeeaaaaaah?"

"...Why would you use a train to get to an air-show?"

"Because I CAN!"

Doofenshmirtz and Perry glanced to each other before Candace, who overheard their conversation and wandered over from the street, glared at Cody.

"Now, Cody," she said, "I was about to ask the same thing."

"Why," Perry asked, "Where did you even come from?"

"I was going to sell that ticket to some half-wit and use the money to fix the heater," Candace said, "Phineas and I need to pay the bills somehow, and darn it, I will arm wrestle!"

At that, Cody snapped his fingers and made a table appear. The two proceeded to arm-wrestle when Doofenshmirtz split them both apart..

"Hold on, just a minute," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "The other ticket is obviously for Perry. There's no way I'm taking one of you morons."

"…Hold on, animals can't even ride a train," Candace said.

"Yes they can," Perry said.

Cody used his magic to levitate the table at poor Perry. Before Doofenshmirtz could do anything, Candace and Cody began walking towards him.

"And that means you can take one of us," Cody said.

"And that means you can give the ticket to me," Candace said.

"PLEASE NOTICE ME," Cody yelled.

Doofenshmirtz backed away from the two psychos and said, "I'm pretty sure they passed a law that says animals can ride on trains. Especially anthropomorphic animals. And Perry's an anthro, so..."

With that being said, Doofenshmirtz quickly managed to throw the table at Candace and Cody, who moved out of the way and stared at it in shock. While they were distracted, Doofenshmirtz grabbed Perry and ran for dear life.

.

.

.

After escaping Cody and Candace, Dr. Doofenshmirtz and Perry began walking to the train-station, which would take about thirty minutes to get by foot. Doofenshmirtz always walked around town, so he was pretty used to the length.

"So, who gets the other ticket," Perry asked.

"You, Perry," Dr. Doofenshmirtz answered in an agitated tone, "Now quit being absurd! We are going to the station, right, now!"

Suddenly, Milky shot out from nowhere and tackled into Dr. Doofenshmirtz and Perry.

**(A/N: You can only assume that having things/people falling and/or tackling them to the ground is going to be a running gag for the episode.)**

The tickets that were in Dr. Doofenshmirtz's hands landed on the psycho's face. She suddenly began screaming and running around.

"I GOT THE MUSIC IN ME," She said as Dr. Doofenshmirtz and Perry stood back up, the tickets still lying on the ground," DAAAAAAAANCE, stop."

She ceased as she noticed the two train tickets. She grinned psychotically. "Sweet bloody bodies, lucky, lucky," she squealed, snatching the tickets, "These are for me! They will complete the prophecies..." the made pastry chef leaned over at Doofenshmirtz's face, "Yes, please."

"Uh..." Doofenshmirtz slowly backed away from Milky, who kept moving towards him.

Perry immediately snatched the tickets from Milky, who frowned angrily at the platypus. Perry in return gave a death glare, only to jump in shock at hearing a cute female voice. "Perry," Isabella said, coming from behind, "I will give you three blow-jobs for those~!"

There was a short awkward silence at those words. Perry backed away till he was behind Doofenshmirtz, who was too mildly disturbed to notice.

"Do you know what you just said, little girl," Dr. Doofenshmritz asked.

Milky popped up between Doofenshmirtz and Perry, who both gasped in shock and stumbled away from her.

"See," Milky said, "They are already pulling the pieces together. Soon the day of reckoning will be upon us!"

"Don't you dare touch those," Dr. Doofenshmirtz told both Milky and Isabella as he took the tickets from Perry, "Besides, why would you two even want to go?"

Milky merely giggled as Isabella answered, "These are tickets to Gimmelshtump. I always lamented my lower birth in Danville. I'd give anything to strut my stuff at some worth-while boys. Maybe Phineas will get jealous and take a hint~."

Dr. Doofenshmirtz, Perry, and Milky stared at the girl, who sighed a romantic sigh at her thoughts and dreams, in disgust.

"You're a kid," Dr. Doofenshmirtz reminded, "How do you know all of these innuendos?"

"I watch chick flicks and own fan-service items," Isabella said as if she were proud of it.

Just then, Cody came from behind and tackled Doofenshmirtz, who managed to pin him down and was about to break his neck when he realized that Cody was the one who took him down. "Are you stalking me," Dr. Doofenshmirtz asked as he got off the pursuer.

"Well, yes," Cody answered, "But that isn't fair! Why couldn't take me as a date? You know how much attention I need!"

"Seriously Cody," Perry said, "What are you?"

"A Magician of course," Cody said, "What are you an idiot?"

"That's not what I meant," Perry said face-palming.

"Anyways, I bet they won't even put out," Cody pointed to Isabella and Milky, who both glared at Cody.

Candace, who had followed Cody, said, "You know that I'm just as good of a friend as any!"

"What are you talking about," Doofenshmirtz asked, "Where did you come from?"

"You know that you can't trust this one," Candace said, pointing at Cody, "He''l probably drop ruffies in your drink. A girl once told me so."

"IT WAS JUST THAT ONE TIME!" Cody yelled.

An argument ensued between the four who wanted the second train-ticket out of the miserable town of Danville. Doofenshmirtz and Perry watched this for a while, until Doofenshmirtz couldn't take it anymore and said, "SHUT UP!"

Everyone turned to Doofenshmirtz. "Alright, listen up," Doofenshmirtz said.

"Aw, but Heinz-," Isabella was cut off before she could finish.

"No, no, listen carefully," Doofenshmirtz cleared his throat, "EVERYONE SHUT UP AND GET THE HECK AWAY FROM ME! I AM GETTING ON THAT TRAIN, RIGHT NOW!"

.

.

.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz and Perry were sitting on benches outside of the train-station. Dr. Doofenshmirtz looked stressed. More than usual, I mean. During this time, Phineas walked over to them, curiously. "Hey Perry," Phineas greeted, "What's up with Dr. D?"

"The king gave him two tickets back to Gimmelshtump and almost all of his friends want them," Perry said, "And when I say almost everyone, I mean only four of them...unless, you want one too."

Doofenshmirtz's eyes widened in horror. He groaned to the sky before Phineas could explain that he wasn't even interested in the tickets.

"CURSE YOU TRAIN," Dr. Doofenshmirtz shouted, "Why'd you have to be delayed? I don't wanna spend another minute with these insane people!"

"Hey, I know how you feel," Phineas said, "Milky is a secret psychotic pastry chef who poisons her customer frequently, Cody is a moron who can't decide his sexuality (whatever that means), my only two friends are a boy with several admittednly creepy names and a girl whom everyone says is a "children's slut"-by the way, what the heck is a slut?-and even my sister is weird."

"Candace," Perry asked, "She doesn't seem bad at all. In fact, she seemed perfectly normal until she started to pursue for the tickets herself."

"All I can say is that I never wanna see another banana again," Phineas answered, "Ever."

"Did that have to do with the sky-diving incident," Perry asked.

"No, but thanks for reminding me about it," Phineas said, cringing at the memory.

Doofenshmirtz let out a depressed sigh that caught the attention of both Phineas and Perry.

"I'm starting to think this is some spasm errand from the king after all," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, more to himself than to anyone else, "All he ever does…is shovel crud…into my life."

The memories of what his father had done to him completely caved in. He suddenly snapped. "VENGEANCE," He screamed to the top of his lungs for all to hear. Phineas and Perry recoiled in shock, while everyone else either stared at him or began walking away trying not to make eye contact. Dr. Doofenshmirtz, not caring about everyone's reactions, smiled at a certain thought and said, "I know, maybe I can mail a spider to my father."

"I love your plan," Phineas said sarcastically as he sat by Perry.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz eyed him. "Was that sarcasm," he asked.

Phineas sighed, earning a dull stare from Dr. Doofenshmirtz and a confused look from Perry. "Look, the reason why you keep getting dumped on by the king," Phineas explained, "Is because you respond so hilariously to it."

"So what are you saying," Dr. Doofenshmirtz asked, "That everything is my fault?"

Phineas began to think for a moment. "Let me think," he said, "Yes."

"WELL UP YOURS PHINEAS," Doofenshmirtz yelled, "And screw you."

Phineas rolled his eyes and went into a relaxed pose. Perry looked to Doofenshmirtz and said, "You know, he kind of has a point. The king tends to do this for entertainment, and basically that's what he wants from you. Entertainment. Nothing's more entertaining than someone's reaction."

"...You know what," Doofenshmirtz said, "Forget you both...I'm sure I can find some way to make my father's life miserable."

After a while, the three noticed everyone take out umbrellas to protect themselves from rain. They questioned why they remained dry, until they saw that above them was an opening in the clouds where Cody was, staring down at them with a stupid look.

"Hey look, guys, I'm up in the clouds," Cody said.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz gave an unimpressed glare while Phineas and Perry gave blank expressions. "Hey, give me those tickets," Cody commanded casually.

"Yeah, sure," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "Or else what? Are you gonna rain on me? I will do things to you Cody, unspeakable things. I have a medical background. I know what makes you tick."

Cody stared in horror, knowing that Doofenshmirtz was indeed capable of such acts. Phineas and Perry began scooting away from the easily pissed off former doctor. Cody gave a fake glare to hid his fear. "Fine," he said closing the opening.

Rain began falling on the three below. Dr. Doofenshmirtz began growling angrily as Perry and Phineas got off the bench. "So…angry…" Dr. Doofenshmirtz hissed.

"Hey, Dr. D," Isabella said, walking over with an umbrella over her head, and another one to offer, "Are you all wet~?"

"Are you an idiot," Dr. Doofenshmirtz retorted.

There was no answer as Isabella went over to the grown man.

"Here you go," Isabella said handing the umbrella to Dr. Doofenshmirtz, "Why don't you take this, so we can be dry together and ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT~!"

Isabella suddenly began to hit Dr. Doofenshmirtz on the head with the umbrella. In turn, Dr. Doofenshmirtz grabbed the umbrella after a few hits, snatched it, and threw it away. Before she could use her other umbrella, he threw it away as well.

"Isabella, did you just try to kill me for the ticket," Dr. Doofenshmirtz asked, "I know you don't have standards, but still, you're a kid!"

Isabella suddenly tackled into the grown man like a tiger after its prey. Phineas and Perry tried to ignore the two of them and began walking away.

.

.

.

After Doofenshmirtz got away from Isabella, he met up with Perry and Phineas again as they were eating hot dogs. After beating them both up for leaving him with Isabella (and for Phineas mocking him about being taken down by a little girl), Doofenshmirtz decided to hide at DEI until the train was an hour away. However, Candace was ten-steps ahead of him...

"Candace," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said as he came into his house followed by Perry and Phineas. He was in terrible shape, and his lab coat was ripped and tattered from the fight Isabella gave. Good thing Perry knocked her out. Let's just says she'll be in the hospital for about three hours. "What are you doing," Dr. Doofenshmirtz asked.

Candace was strapping strange object everywhere, and held out a remote after she was done. "I will blow this place up if you don't give me those tickets!"

Dr. Doofenshmirtz, Perry, and Phineas stared. "Told you she was crazy," Phineas said to Perry, "And you didn't believe me."

"I never said I didn't," Perry said, "But, I must admit, you were right. She's using toasters instead of actual bombs."

Dr. Doofenshmirtz twitched. "Oh my," Phineas said, "I think he's gonna snap."

"Well, as long as no one else tries to convince him to give away his train tickets," Perry said, "I think he might make it."

Milky busted through the doors with several people with her. Doofenshmirtz, Phineas, perry, and Candace all stared, unsure of what to do. Milky began shouting out orders to the crowd, as several people went into the building, surrounding Doofenshmirtz.

"Commence the invasion when I complete the equation," she said; the group of people grabbed Dr. Doofenshmirtz, dragged him outside, and began throwing him up in the air, "Throw him higher!"

"Whoa," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said between throws, "Do not drop me!"

"Again," Milky squealed.

Phineas, Perry, and Candace all went outside and saw what Milky was planning to do: sway Doofenshmirtz with an extravagant party.

"AAHH," Dr. Doofenshmirtz snapped again, "You're not getting the ticket if it costs me my soul itself!"

He was immediately dropped to the ground, onto his back. Rage was written upon his face as Milky peered over it. The pastry didn't look happy either. "FINE," she said, "If I can't have them, then no one can! HEY EVERYBODY! DR. DOOFENSHMIRTZ HAS TRAIN TICKETS! And he won't share!"

The crowd began to surround Doofenshmirtz again, this time trying to persuade him with gifts for the extra ticket. Doofenshmirtz gulped while Milky giggled evilly. "Enjoy your misery. Yes."

.

.

.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz had been running from the crowd for hours while Phineas and Perry…**_seriously, what are you two doing?_**

"We're making the Leaning Tower out of cards," Perry answered.

_**That's all you've been doing this whole time? Its bad enough Cody doesn't listen to orders but you two are slacking off. I am the narrator, and I command you go help him before I cause a meteor shower to kill you both!**_

"Okay, okay," Phineas said, "What are we suppose to do?"

Phineas and Perry attempt to help Dr. Doofenshmirtz but end up getting chased by the mob as well.

"DARN IT NARRATOR," Perry screamed as he, Dr. Doofenshmirtz, and Phineas ran.

**_That's what you get for slacking off. Now where was I? Oh yes:_**

The three of them were cornered in an alley while the mob came closer and closer, all begging for the ticket. One person suggested to her friends that they should break Doofenshmirtz's arms and legs if he refused to go with their demands.

"C'mon, help us," Dr. Doofenshmirtz begged, looking around for me, "I just wanna go home and end this horrible day!"

_**Fine, fine, kill-joys, be that way.**_ Dr. Doofenshmirtz, Perry, and Phineas teleport back into Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated. They are all burnt from the side effects of the teleportation. It's a price they have to pay, though the laws of physics will never explain.

"I wish you wouldn't distort time and space," Phineas said dizzily.

_**Shut-up. They're my powers to abuse.**_

"Wait a minute," Dr. Doofenshmirtz exclaimed, "Perry, what time is it?"

"A freckle past the scale," Perry answered.

"Oh my gosh we missed the train," Dr. Doofenshmirtz sobbed, "No, no, no, no!"

"Its okay, Dr. D," Candace said, who was still at DEI while the chase was happening, "You can stay with us."

Doofenshmirtz sobbed harder as Perry tried to comfort him. Phineas glared at Candace, who gave a shrug of confusion.

_**Girl, that made him feel worse!**_

"KNOCK IT OFF!" Candace yelled.

_**Okay sheesh, just pretend I'm not here. I am invisible.**_

Anyways, as the scientist sobbed on the floor with Perry patting him on the back, another envelope from the king was thrown through the window, hitting Phineas on the back of the head. He picked it up, opened it, and read it aloud, grabbing everyone's attention:

_"Dear Heinz,_

_My whining senses were tingling, so I guess you missed your train. But don't worry, here are eight train tickets for a train ride on another date."_

Dr. Doofenshmirtz stopped crying immediately. He snatched the envelope, looked inside, and saw eight train tickets. He took them out, grinning. "YES," he cheered.

"Another date," Perry asked, "When's that?"

_**Let's see, about approximately…chapter 20 or so.**_

Doofenshmirtz's expression turned into a look of horror.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

[The End]

**A/N:**

**I hope you all enjoyed. Please review and follow. :3**

**I will continue the rewrites as soon as the next chapter of LFLS is out. :3 No, not the recent Chapter 11. Chapter 12 is the one I'm talking about.**


	4. Booze, Booze, and more Booze

**Okay here's the next one. Enjoy**

**P/F/P/F**

**Across the Psychotic Dimension**

"Everything the light touches is alcohol."

"Wow, really?"

"No, I'm messing with you," Stacey told Candace.

The two worked in a factory that made alcoholic beverages and sodas. Their job was to send the boxes of booze to stores and malls all over the Tri-State Area. However, since the two did such a good job, and since there were some drinks left over, they were allowed to split it among themselves. However, Stacey couldn't help but feel that it wasn't a good idea to give any of the drinks to Candace, and as they were pack the booze inside of their cars, Stacey tried to warn her.

"You better not drink too much this time," Stacey said, "You know what happens when you do."

"I can control myself, Stacey," Candace said, "It won't happen again."

"Right, I'll believe it when I see it," Stacey said.

"SHUT UP," Candace yelled, "I will drink all of that liquor without going onto a drunken rampage! You'll see!"

I love to see where this goes.

"Quiet, narrator," Candace yelled.

.

.

.

Three weeks had already passed since the workers took the alcohol and soda back to their abodes. Today in particular was the award ceremony for the hardest workers in the Tri-State Area. No one knew the purpose, so they just assumed that it was to make everyone feel good about them.

"Okay," Perry said on the stage of the auditorium, "I've written this three-hundred page essay of why the king-."

"Is a wonderful person," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "Get off the stage, Perry."

"But I worked on this for hours."

"GET OFF THE STAGE!"

"Fine," Perry obeyed, "But only because my essay has nothing to do with the awards."

"Anyways," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "My lazy little brother Mayor Roger has asked me to say the winner of this month's hardest worker. That person will get this giant trophy made of wasted pure gold and will probably be sold to some half-wit aristocrat-."

"JUST GET ON WITH IT!"

"Fine, fine," Dr. Doofenshmirtz cleared his throat, "This month's candidates are-."

"Hold your horses everyone," Candace said, walking on the stage, completely, you guessed it, drunk, "Hardest worker, coming through."

The drunken girl pushed Dr. Doofenshmirtz off the stage, which made him fall on Perry and Cody.

"What is Cody even doing here," Isabella asked, "He never works at all~."

"Candace," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said getting off of Perry and Cody, "Get off the stage. We haven't even decided a winner yet."

"I can't wait to take a picture of this," Candace slurred, "And put a filter on it, and put it on my blog."

"If it'll get you off the stage, fine," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "You win. We have twenty more in the back."

.

.

.

After the ceremony, everyone either went home, or played around like nothing was the matter.

"Phineas, why did Candace react that way on stage," Perry asked, "She never does something stupid like that."

"Well, she's been drinking lately," Phineas explained, "Her boss let her bring home some drinks from the factory."

"How old is Candace," Perry asked.

"Twenty-three," Phineas answered.

"And how old are you?"

"Eight in a half," Phineas said, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Are you sure she's your biological sibling?"

"My parents were very young when she was born, now drop it."

"Well, anyways," Perry said, "I better tell Dr. D that your sister is holding out on booze…again."

"Wait, again," Phineas asked.

"Oh, that's right," Perry said, "You were at the hospital when that happened. You know, from the sky-diving incident."

"I thought we agreed never to speak of it again."

"Fine, fine, I'm sorry. That was a touchy subject and I won't mention it again."

.

.

.

Three hours later, Dr. Doofenshmirtz went to Phineas and Candace's house. It was old, but pretty big, and suitable for living in. It even had a backyard with a large tree in it that you could sit under when the weather's hot. He was greeted by Phineas who welcomed him in and took him to the living room where Candace was. She was lying on the couch, bottles all over the floor and three buckets. She was awake, but unaware of her surroundings.

"When I got home, she started throwing up," Phineas said, "You think you can help?"

"I've done it before," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "Trust me, this isn't the first time this has happened."

"Perry told me already," Phineas said.

"Alright then, kid, scram," Dr. Doofenshmirtz ordered, "This is between me and Candace."

Phineas obeyed. Dr. Doofenshmirtz went over to Candace.

"Candace," he said, "Are you holding out on booze again?"

"No," Candace lied, and covered her mouth sickly, "Go away."

"Look, I was chased by a mob last week," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "Plus, I was annoyed by all of you for some tickets, and wasn't able to get home. It's your fault I'm still here! Now tell me the truth."

"Speaking of which, you teleported back to your home last week," Candace slurred, "Aren't you worried that you may teleport inside someone?"

Dr. Doofenshmirtz glared.

"I guess not," Candace said.

"Give it up," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said.

"What," Candace asked.

"You know what I'm talking about," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "Give up the alcohol."

"…No way, now how," Candace said, beginning to stand up just to get into Dr. Doofenshmirtz's face.

"Look," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "We don't want to have to send you to rehab again. Just give the alcohol to me so I can dispose of it myself."

"Well, I swore I'd drink all that liquor!"

"Uh…what," Dr. Doofenshmirtz asked as if she were crazy.

"And now you're trying to make a liar out of me," Candace scolded as she stumbled around Dr. Doofenshmirtz to the front door, "The nerve of you, Heinz."

As Candace left, Phineas quickly came back to see if Dr. Doofenshmirtz did his work, but was completely disappointed instead.

"What happened," Phineas asked.

"She left," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "Last time I took that alcohol away from her she drank due to depression. Now she's doing it because she promised she would. And you and I both know that she always keeps her promises."

"That's not good," Phineas said, "We better go catch her."

"Fine," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said dully, "But only because I've got nothing better to do."

.

.

.

"I dunno, Milky," Mrs. Johnson said, "Are you sure we can trust you and your drunken friend here in the shop?"

"Yes, I am trustworthy," Milky answered, "You can leave me alone in the shop, for I will do nothing wrong. We're just gonna make some cupcakes. It is completely unlikely that we will make them poisoned. Yes."

Candace just stood there dazed.

"Sounds like an endorsement," Mr. Johnson said.

"Just try not to burn down the bakery while we're out," Mrs. Johnson said as she and her husband left.

.

.

.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN MILKY TOOK HER," Phineas screamed at Cody.

"Well you seemed to have fun with her last time," Cody said.

"I did not," Phineas said, "Now tell me where my sister is or I'm gonna kick your butt to last Thursday!"

"Just do as he says," Dr. Doofenshmritz said, "When a child is angry, armies form."

"Fine," Cody said, "Milky took her to the bakery to make some more cupcakes."

"Dear Peter, not again!"

.

.

.

"Okay," Milky said, "First we need some cruddy generic potato chips."

Candace shook her head, her vision blurring.

"Potato chips," she asked confusedly.

"_Yes_," Milky said. In Candace's mind, Milky sound like a slow record playing in a low demonic tone.

"Whoa," Candace said in amazement, "Well, okay then, you is the boss."

Candace got the potato chips and poured them into the blue bowl as Milky snickered.

"_Now the poisons, yes._"

Candace looked at Milky in bewilderment. "Well," Candace said as she turned to go to the refrigerator, "That must be cooking slang for something. This bottle says 'rat poison'."

"I put it in the refrigerator so the rats do not catch on," Milky said as Candace poured the liquid into the bowl, "Now, lemons."

"You're kidding," Candace said, "You must mean lemon's juice."

"No," Milky said, but Candace began squeezing lemon juice in anyway, "You are ruining my recipe! Still, I like where you're going."

"Ugh," Candace burped, "I'm getting sick."

"_Throw up in the bowl._"

The two stared at each other for about fifteen minutes.

"…Really," Candace asked.

"Now, go and get some filthy worms to feed to the filthy worms," Milky said.

Another stare down assumed. "Oh," Candace said, "You must be making some organic dish."

"You are organic," Milky retorted as Candace went outside to dig for worms.

.

.

.

"I HAVE RUINED THE BAKING TRADES!" Milky yelled for all in the bakery to hear. The place was full of citizens who were hungry for the free cupcakes they were promised by the insane baker. They were all given cupcakes, and devoured each and every one of them.

.

.

.

"Okay, what happened," Perry said as he was led to the emergency room by a doctor.

"It appears they have all been poisoned," the doctor said, "Also, they're bleeding out in turn."

In the room were several sick patients, vomiting, lying in beds, or laying on the floors moaning.

"Milky was involved," Perry said, "Wasn't she?"

"I ate them too," the sick Milky in bed said, "So I would avoid any suspicion."

As Milky vomited, Perry sighed, took out his phone, and called Dr. Doofenshmirtz.

"Dr. D…yeah it's me…Milky poisoned the town… yes, again…was Candace there? Let me check. Milky, was Candace with you?"

"No," Milky said.

"She was there," Perry said, "…No, she's not in the hospital…okay, see ya."

.

.

.

"Ugh, where am I," Candace asked.

"You're helping me round up the rabbits," Isabella said for the thirtieth time, "Remember? Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm fine," Candace said, "Now, what's this about rabbits?"

"I want you to help me round them up," Isabella said, "So I can hug their cute little heads off."

"Oh, well," Candace said, "My dog needs something to eat."

"Candace," Isabella said, "You don't have a dog."

"I know that," Candace said.

.

.

.

"HEINZ! CANDACE SCREWED UP AGAIN," A citizen screamed to Phineas and Dr. Doofenshmirtz as the town square burned into flames, "I didn't think bunnies could explode or implode. But I was wrong! So horribly, horribly, wrong!"

Isabella lied on the ground, curled up in a ball. Phineas ran up to her. "Isabella, are you alright," Phineas asked as he knelt down and put a hand on Isabella's shoulder.

"The horror," Isabella whimpered, "She just kept shooting at the poor little bunnies over, and over, and over, and over, and over!"

"There, there," Phineas comforted.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz stared at the flames. "Alright," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "Enough is enough."

.

.

.

"You're a plague," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said.

Candace lied on grass in a field just outside of the city. After hours of searching, Dr. Doofenshmirtz finally found her. Candace had finally reached the state of sober, and was too numb to move her legs.

"It's okay," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "I've been there. But there comes a time when you give the liquor over to Heinz."

"But a shot a day keeps the doctor away," Candace said, "And I'm saving away from six to seven doctor appointments."

"I think you've got that saying wrong," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "Now give it up."

"…Fine," Candace said, "But, please, just one more bottle?"

"Okay," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "One more, and we'll drink it together."

.

.

.

Cody tapped his foot impatiently. Candace ran over to him tired and…drunk…yes folks, she learned nothing.

"Sorry about being late, Cody," Candace said, "I had some stuff to finish up with Heinz."

"Well, how'd you kill him?"

"…What do you mean how did I kill him?"

"Never mind," Cody said. He motioned to a teeter totter and a small wooden tower. "Okay, so see that? I built it with my hands. I'm gonna stand on it, and you, you're gonna jump on it, on the other side. And if my calculations are correct, I should fly away from it, and not into the tower. And then, I'm gonna do a couple loops, and then a big loop. After that, I'm probably gonna start to panic. At that point, I'm gonna need you to go get help. So this is a pretty planned out plan."

"Uh…What?"

"Well don't worry about it, just climb the thing already!"

Candace obeyed. Her vision at this point in time had gone down dramatically, but not enough to make her blind. However, instead of landing on the other side of the teeter totter, she landed on the ground next to it…over and over and over and over again. And so, she ended up going to both the hospital and rehab. She's doing great, by the way. But she was told strictly by the government that she was no longer aloud to drink alcoholic beverages again, and immediately took the booze.

[The End]

**AN:**

**Man, these get shorter and shorter. I gotta make a longer one next time.**

**Anyways, hope you liked it.**


	5. Birthdays and Demon Spawn

**Here's the next one-shot...episode...thingy...**

**Okay, I'm just gonna say that I'm as of now accepting requests. I have ideas of my own, sure, but not many people are looking at this. Like I said, this is for fun, but it makes me feel silly for having so little veiwers. That sounds selfish if you think about it, but it's only human...So shut up! Not really, just kidding. ^^;**

**WARNING: There is alot of 4th wall breaking. If you do not like the abuse of the 4th wall, you can just go. Also, there may be some stereotype-jokes; I hate stereotypes.**

**Anyways, enjoy; afterwards I will tell you the recomendations of the requests. :3**

**P/F/P/F**

**Requested by NattyMc**

**Birthdays and Demon Spawns**

_Milky: Hee-hee-hee, I am in your dream, Heinz! Yes. You must listen carefully..._

_Phineas: Hey Dr. D. How are you doing?_

_Milky: Phineas! Get out of here, this is my dream to control! Yes._

_Dr. D: Oh, I'm sorry. Was there a sign in my subconcious that said: Come in, I don't value my privacy?_

_Phineas: I don't even know how I got here. Milky, were you defying the laws of physics again?_

_Milky: NO~! Yes._

_Phineas: ...Well which is it? No, or yes?_

_Phineas: NO~! Yes._

_Isabella: That's kind of ambiguous to me~._

_Ferb: I am a typical normal human, and as such I want a normal answer._

_Dr. D: Please, just go._

_Milky: NO! I control these dreams! Yes._

_Phineas: Wait a second...are you ending all of your sentences with "yes"?_

_Milky: Most of them, yes...Yes._

_Phineas: That's poor grammar, you know._

_Dr. D: Someone kill me now!_

_Ferb: The Dark Wing will take you up on your offer._

_Phineas: No Ferb. You are not going to kill him._

_Dr. D: Look, if you guys dont-._

_Cody: Hey guys! I'm flying! WHEE~!_

_Dr. D:...Go._

_Milky: But I need to-._

_Dr. D: GO!_

_..._

_Dr. D: Ah...peace and quiet at last..._

_Perry: Hey, Heinz._

_Dr. D:...Fu-._

_Perry: NO SWEARING! I'll get the soap if you do! By the way, your birthday's the day after tomorrow. Just thought you should know._

_Dr. D:..._

_Perry:...Dr. Doofenshmirtz?_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

Weeks had passed since the whole drunken Candace fiasco. She was still at rehab, and would be there for about a week more or so. Phineas had been staying at Isabella's because Ferb said that his home was too small, but then kept changing the reason. The consistensy of how things were stayed the same even with her absense. But today was horrifyingly different.

Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated was a complete mess, mostly in Dr. Doofenshmirtz's living room. The reason was that Dr. Doofenshmirtz himself was having one of those...moments.

"I've gotta say, you dropped the ball on this one, Perry," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said angrily in a state of panic, "I can't beleive tomorrow's my birthday! No one will leave me alone, NO ONE," he panted, trying to calm down, "At least my father won't come this year for the reckoning."

"He will," Perry said.

"I know," Dr. Doofenshmirtz quickly agreed, groaning.

"Well, I would've told you sooner, but it's hard to tell you anything with you complaining the past few months," Perry retorted with crossed arms, "And to think we could've avoided the situation in the first place if you'd have killed them when you had the chance. But would you do it? Nay! Heinz Doofenshmirtz doesn't listen to a platypus, he does things his own way!"

"It's something called standards," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said.

"What is this standards you speak of," Perry wondered.

"And this is the reason why _I'm_ the boss," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said as he began walking to the front door, "So I guess _you_ should be cleaning up this mess."

"But we're in this together!"

"Nope. You're in this together. If you need me, I'll be going to the forest to hide."

**.**

**.**

**.**

"Hey, Milky," Phineas greeted the mad pastery chef, who glared at him; she was obviously still mad about last night.

As predicted, the town was trying to throw Dr. Doofenshmirtz a party. They kept forgetting every year that it the day would-quite literally-end in flames because the king would appear to burn everything to the ground. Whether it was because they were all stupid or because they didn't care was hard to say.

"I heard Ferb came by," Phineas explained, "Is he here?"

Milky glared towards the food table where Ferb was. Phineas had a look of shock and ran over to his friend.

"Ferb," he asked, "Who let you near the food? If you poison any of it Dr. D will know! Do you know what he did to the last person who tried to poison him?"

"No, not really."

"Neither do I, but it's a scary thought!"

"Oh, Phineas," Ferb said, "You think you know me so well. As a normal human being, poisoning is in the past. For today, I am thinking outside the box."

"Ferb, you're starting to sound like Milky...I want you to think about that very carefully about that."

"Doesn't matter," Ferb stated pointing to the door as another guest came in, "Here comes the box!"

Isabella walked into the bakery, Milky angrily growling at her as she greeted her and then walked to her friends.

"Hi guys," Isabella greeted.

Phineas greeted her, and after turned to Ferb with a dull frown.

"Okay," Phineas said, "So your plan lies in the confines of Isabella?"

Ferb shook his head. "It is not what is in her, but what is on her."

"I'm not sure how I feel about that."

"Wow," Isabella said with fake surprised glee, "I'm the center of attention," she turned to Phineas, "Ferb gave me this cute, fuzzy thing with big eyes. I don't know what it is, but it's like a baby~."

Out from her hair crawled out a cute and adorable baby squirrel-like, who latched onto her shoulder. Phineas looked confused, while Milky recoiled in disgust.

"Ugh, you gave her a Spawn Maker," Milky asked Ferb, "And she's been walking around town with this thing? Do you know how much money it takes to get rid of those?"

"Why would I wanna get rid of it," Isabella asked, rather confused, "What the heck is a Spawn Maker~?"

"On second thought, you should keep it," Milky said, "I'll leave you to your hellish doom children of annoyance. Yes."

Milky left to the kitchen. Phineas turned to Isabella and asked, "Do you think Ferb and Milky switched brains or something?"

"Nah," Isabella answered, "They're just having one of those days."

"Well, anyways," Phineas said, "Let's go see how the rest of preperations are going."

**.**

**.**

**.**

Cody began setting up a banner that read, "Happy Birthday Dr. Hides Doosenhurts" which was written rather crudely. Dr. Doofenshmirtz walked over and glared at the magician.

"Cody, I have three questions for you," Dr. Doofenshmirtz asked, " Why is this banner here, why is it misspelled, and why is it written in crayon? Do you have a secret death-wish?"

"That was twelve questions," Cody said, "Wait...why would I have a secret death-wish?"

"Everytime someone or something tries to make a celebration in my honor, the king comes and tries to kill everyone," Dr. Doofenshmirtz explained.

"Oh...can't wait to see him. Can I wave to him?"

"No! You can't wave to him! One time he told one of his advisors that he was going to kill the other. Because the two were friends, the one in danger found out. The king put molten silver down the throat of the one who told the secret, and then she poured molten silver into the ears of the one that got warned!"

"Well, on the brightside, at least they weren't execu-."

"And then he executed both of them!"

"Oh...that's too bad."

"Just take down the banner and burn it!"

**.**

**.**

**.**

The three friends walked through the Town Square until they met up with two other kids around their age groups; a fat kid and an Indian boy. "Hey, Buford," Isabella greeted, "Baljeet. These are my friends, Phineas and Ferb."

"Hello," Baljeet greeted.

"What's up," Buford said.

"Hi," Phineas said as Ferb simply waved.

"So, what have you guys been up to," Isabella asked.

"Well, we were going to put up the decorations," Baljeet explained, "But Buford threw them into a lake."

"I was bored," Buford admitted, "The urge just couldn't wait. These are crazy times we live in Jeet. Crazy times."

A purring noise was heard from inside Isabella's hair. The four boys looked at her.

"Why is your hair alive," Buford asked.

Out of the hair, once again, came what Milky had called a Spawn Maker. With it, came also four more Spawn Makers, each in different colors.

"Did it just give birth in my hair," Isabella asked disgusted, "GROSS~!"

"Is this a new species," Baljeet asked in amazment.

"Well, no," Phineas said, "Milky said that it was called a Spawn Maker."

"Oo, I'll take one," Baljeet said, "It'll help me carry some of Buford's dead weight when he falls."

"Hey," Buford yelled before grabbing Baljeet by the collar.

"Wait a second," Phineas said, "Weren't there five just now? Where's...Ferb?"

Ferb and one of the Spawn Makers had dissapeared. The rest shrugged and went along with their business for the party.

**.**

**.**

**.**

The rest of the day, Dr. Doofenshmirtz had tried to stop the preperations for his party. When he was satisfied, he went home to see Perry sleeping on the couch. The living room sparkled.

"Did Perry spill glitter everywhere again," Dr. Doofenshmirtz asked, "Sometimes he can be such a dissapointment."

As Dr. Doofenshmirtz went to bed he thought to himself, "I sure have been talking to myself lately. I'm gonna have to check the DSM to see if it's some kind of diagnosible mental disorder. Oh well. I'm sure that'll wait for tomorrow."

**.**

**.**

**.**

***Creak***

"He, he, he..."

**.**

**.**

**.**

"Get into this bucket right now! The garbage man's coming in about an hour and I'm taking you outside!"

Dr. Doofenshmirtz woke up groggily, wondering what the commotion was about. He went into the living room to see hundreds of the baby-squirrel creatures running around.

"Perry," Dr. Doofenshmirtz asked with wide eyes.

Perry was trying to fill as many of the vermin into a giant bucket as possible, frantically at that. The platypus turned to Dr. Doofenshmirtz fearfully and said, "Go back to bed, I'm not ready yet!"

"Perry, what did you do, and why'd you do it," Dr. Doofenshmirtz asked, sounding angrier by the minute.

"I dunno, but I'm trying to fix it," Perry said, "Just go back to bed for ten more minutes!"

"If this isn't cleaned up by the time my father shows up," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said before running out of the building, "I'm telling him you're responisible!"

**.**

**.**

**.**

Phineas, Isabella, and Isabella's mom, Ms. Garcia Sharpio, began carrying bags of Spawn Makers out of the house. One of the bags tore, and out came millions of them, all sprouting wings and flying around.

"I don't get it," Phineas said, "Both of our Spawn Makers were males, right?"

"And we didn't even have any other guests," Isabella said, "We just watched a few episodes of Star Trek and went straight to bed!"

"El demonio perverso spawn vamos a destruir mi casa," Ms. Garcia Sharpio said as the creatures began trying to eat her house, along with the rest of the city, "...También existe el problema de la destrucción de la ciudad."

"Don't worry mom," Isabella reassured, "We'll think of something~. You clean up this mess, and we'll find Milky~!"

"...Why Milky," Phineas asked.

"Because, Milky most likely caused this," Isabella said.

Phineas stared. "But Ferb gave you that thing," Phineas said, "Plus, he told me that his plan had to do with the Spawn Makers!"

"What plan~?"

"Nevermind! Just c'mon!"

**.**

**.**

**.**

By this point the entire city was beginning to over flood with Spawn Makers. Dr. Doofenshmirtz went to the bakery and knocked on its front door. Out came Milky, who screamed, "UNCLEAN" as she threw one of the creatures at his face.

"Milky, I have two questions for you," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "Did you sneak a Spawn Maker into my home, and I AM GOING TO SHOVE A CURLING IRON DOWN YOUR LUNATIC OF A THROAT!"

"You don't trust Milky," Milky asked in disdain, "I have been discriminated by the green headed child! This is because she is a so-called sociopath, isn't she?"

"Last week I caught you spray painting the word "A**" on the windows of DEI, and you told me that it was Cody."

"It was...also, you a an a**."

"And then there was that time where you were attempting to replace all my food with live cobras, and you told me that Isabella did it."

"That is just the kind of thing that she would do!"

"And then there was that time where you stole my blueprints for my -inators, and left Phineas, dressed up as a burgalar, tied and gagged in my living room!"

"It seems that the children and teens of this age have become more dangerous than we thought."

"Well, what I think is that when the king gets here I'm gonna get one of my...your friends to report you! So good luck with that."

"You don't understand," Milky tried to explain as Dr. Doofenshmirtz began walking away, "It was the green-haired child this time! It was him!"

**.**

**.**

**.**

The creatures overpopulated the city so much that those on the streets had to literally swim through them. Dr. Doofenshmirtz had already swam to Phineasand Isabella, who struggled to move at all.

"Huh," Isabella said, "So I see you got a visit from Milky too, huh~?"

"So it was her," Dr. Doofenshmirtz exclaimed, "I KNEW IT!"

"Actually, I think it was Ferb," Phineas said.

"Whatever," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "Where is what's-his-name anyway?"

As if on cue, Ferb shot his head out from under the spawn, gasping for air. "My army of darkness has turned against me," Ferb said to himself, obviously not noticing the others there. He turned to his friends and Dr. Doofenshmirtz, a long pause ensuing. He gave them all a cheesy grin as they glared at him. "Uh...I can explain as humanly as possible."

"JOEY! What did you do? I should've made that dragon kill you," Dr. Doofenshmirtz yelled.

"My name is Ferb."

"I KNOW YOUR NAME!"

"Ferb," Phineas said, "Why did you have to go through all of this trouble just to kill one man? ON HIS FREAKIN BIRTHDAY?"

"Trust me, if I knew this would happen I would've smothered the first one while I had the chance," Ferb said.

"Well, this isn't too bad, I guess," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "Possibly, this is actually my best birthday ever, given that the town's been infested by soul-eating demons of cuteness."

"How the heck is this even close to being good," Isabella asked loudly.

"Well, for one thing, there's no party," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "So the king won't show up to destroy the city."

"Hi guys!"

Above the three was none other than Cody, who was using his magical powers to allow him the ability of flight.

"Oh, great, you're here," Isabella said, "Why are you here?"

"I just wanted to say something to Dr. D," Cody turned to Dr. Doofenshmirtz, "Okay, so, remember how you told me to burn the banner? I did, but I made a new one...twice."

"So," Dr. Doofenshmirtz asked, not caring less about Cody's actions.

"Oh, well, I thought you were trying to destroy your own birthday party," Cody said, "so I got some others to make a secret one at the City Hall."

"You, WHAT?"

"Yeah," Cody said, "It was pretty expensive though...also, the king is coming in six hours, it seems."

"Okay, I was just playing it off cool because I didn't think there'd be anything to attract the king," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, beginning to panic, "But now things are just getting a little serious. I am open to suggestions!"

"I say Cody makes a tornado," Phineas said.

"Yes, Phineas," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said sarcastically, "Let's destroy the town in the process."

"Besides, do you know how much paperwork I'll have to fill out if I did all of that," Cody asked, "Oh my gosh, it's endless!"

"Okay, does anyone else have a plan," Dr. Doofenshmirtz asked.

"Well, I was thinking that you, Phineas, and Ferb could build some kind of machine to zap them into a different dimension," Isabella said, "That way, it'll be a problem for someone else~. Just like the homeless...or pollution~."

"...Actually, that's not a bad idea," Dr. Doofenshmirtz admitted.

"I agree," Phineas stated.

"Good. Then shut up."

**.**

**.**

**.**

"THIS IS NOT MY FAULT!"

The group stared at Milky, who was wearing scuba-diving gear. Oddly enough, that actually fit the situation right now.

"I know," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "You don't have to shout it at me!"

"So you are not discriminating Milky," Milky asked.

"Look, when a person sticks his head into an alligator's mouth," Dr. Doofenshmirtz explained, "You blame the crazy one who suggested it. But if the whole town tries to stick their heads into alligator mouths, then you blame..."

"Ferb."

"I KNOW THE FREAKIN NAME!"

"That is what I say," Milky murmured in surprise, but then screamed, "YOU ARE A DOCTOR!"

"I know," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said as he began to lead the others around Milky, "C'mon everyone, let's get back to my DEI and sweep this under the rug before it's too late."

"Wait," Milky said as they left, "Milky does not have any confusing feelings at all right now, and I really feel that you should know! Yes. Yes. MILKY DOES NOT NEED YOU!"

**.**

**.**

**.**

The entire city was starting to be devoured by the now hideous looking creatures. The Spawn Makers had formed enough to become what they truly were: vermin with bug-like wings, fangs of snakes, and blood-shot eyes. The sound of a plane roared from the air. Dr. Doofenshmirtz's eyes widened with horror. Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, and Cody stared at him confusedly until they looked up in the air, just as horrified.

"Oh my gosh," Cody said, idiotically calm, "I guess I got the time wrong."

"HE WASN'T SCHEDULED FOR ANOTHER FIVE HOURS," Dr. Doofenshmirtz screamed at the floating teen; the man began going insane, "The clock is ticking, Heinz. The clock. Is. TICKING!"

_The memories flashed by so quickly in his mind; from where he was born, to when he would study, to where he first moved to town, to where he got "aquainted" with everyone, to where-._

**Because it's thriller~!**

**Thriller night~!**

"MILKY," Dr. Doofensmirtz yelled as Milky began roughly jumping through the vermin singing, "Will you quit playing that while my life is busy flashing before my eyes?"

The music didn't stop.

"Uh, Dr. D," Phineas said as the plane was about to land.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz began to smile madly. "I know," he said, "I know! Cody, you're the sacrifice!"

"What," Cody asked, inquiring that either he wasn't listening or that he was shocked at the idea.

"Good," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said as if the others agreed with him, "Everyone else, we'll bhuld a giant fort, and live in there, and nobody will have to know! We've got less than thirty seconds!"

The entire town heard nothing as either they were drowning in the infestation or were panicking.

**.**

**.**

**.**

An hour had past and the vermin were finally leaving in a single file line. The city was left by them in a wave of flames and carnage. Dr. Doofenshmirtz, Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, and Cody thought that they were in the clear, but then were grabbed by guards and taken to the king, who was standing by his plane, glaring.

"Well, well, well," the king said, "If it isn't Heinz Doofenshmirtz, the son I wish I never had. How are those weedy peasants treating you?"

"Is that the king," Cody thought, "I thought he'd be fatter."

Dr. Doofenshmirtz's heart nearly stopped.

"Who's this then," the king asked Heinz.

"Well this is my-" _NO! Don't own him Heinz. If you own him, he's your responsibility. _"-Phineas' friend."

"This is _your _Phineas' friend?"

_Y-you can save this, Heinz! Think of a lie! _"Yes," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "Phineas is my slave."

"What?"

"You're telling me that your slave's friend can't tell who I am?"

_Oh gosh, OH GOSH! You can save this Heinz! You can save this! _"I dunno." _No! NO-HO-HO! THAT WAS WRONG! SO WRONG!_

"You don't know?"

"I do know!"

"Were you lying to me then?"

_*screaming*_

"And what's with all of this and the Spawn Makers?"

"It's a parade! In your honor!"

"Do you think I'm stupid?"

_*screaming* Oh my gosh! Oh my dear-! _"Perry got a vermin infestation and spread it through the whole town!"

"You know, the old fool of the favorite is best used on the masses, my son."

_Oh gosh, it wasn't really your fault, Heinz! It was-it-was-WHAT WAS THE GREEN HEADED KID'S NAME?"_

"Stop screaming, will you?"

_Rubber ducky, you're the one! You make bath-time loads of fun!_

"Well, I'm more interested in the wrecking than the rebuilding."

Dr. Doofenshmirtz looked at his father with a shocked stare.

"And it looks like there's nothing left to wreck here. So I suppose I'll see you again, my son. Have a miserable day of birth."

The king then went onto his plane, and left. All eyes were on Dr. Doofenshmirtz.

"What do you mean I'm your slave," Phineas asked.

"Oh my gosh," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said in releif, "He's gone! He's really gone and I'm not a bloody corpse! This really is the best birthday I've ever had!"

"That's great, Heinz," Isabella said with a smile.

Ferb glared. _Next time..._

"Seriously, though," Phineas said, "I'm not your slave, right? You were just panicking, right...RIGHT?"

**[The end]**

"He-he wasn't serious, right?"

I'll never tell.

**A/N:**

**And it's done! Hope you liked it NattyMc. :3 Okay, now, talking about the requests; please read if you want to request an idea:**

**I want you all to know that I can only except so many requests, especially with mostly fluff. I know, I'm that kind of person, and quite frankly there will be some fluff in this later on, but for now, I can only hint it at most. **

**If you suggest any couple-stories like Phinabella for example, then it has to be subtle unless I ask for something else. If the story revolves around a couple, I will most likely put it off till later unless it's very humorous.**

**If you request your OCs or fan-characters to be apart of a chapter, you will have to give me a description of your character. Also, remember, this is an alternate dimension; you have to make your character at least slightly different from how you pictured him/her to be.**

**I want you all to also request songs along with your requests. You don't have to, but please request songs, either one that fits the story you're requesting or just something random for humor. I will not except screamo, and I will not except songs with swearing unless it is from a musical.**

**Your requests have to at least be about Dr. Doofenshmirtz and/or Phineas since this mainly revolves around them (Mostly Dr. Doofenshmirtz). However, your request can revolve around another character with one of them as secondary roles.**

**I am going to make a drabbles chapter later on, so you can ask for as many of those as you like. They do not need songs, and they can be about anything and anyone you like. You can also request any of your OCs and fan characters however way you like, since it is a drabble. So you can start requesting them now if you'd like.**

**Anyways, that's about it. Thank you for reading and have a nice, colorful...whatever time of day it is. :3**


	6. Field trips for Failures

**YES! Someone else finally reveiwed! MY DAY HAS BEEN MADE~!**

**...Ahem.**

**Anyways, PlatyborgstoShadowlytes has requested that I use two of his/her (sorry, I don't wanna get the gender wrong. ^^;) OCs: Kayla Doofenshmirtz, and Ivy the Platypus.**

**Enjoy everyone!**

**P/F/P/F**

**Fieldtrips for Failures**

"And so, when the invaders struck at the heart of the Tri-State Area, our great leader, the king, burned the cities and abandoned them, demanded there be a winter decended over the land..."

The class listened to their teacher's rather disturbing lecture about the king, Dr. Doofenshmirtz's father, though not many knew that they were even related. The history of the Tri-State Area was not a good one, now that they thought about it, but at least they were alive to hear about it.

"...Then with their armies trapped in the cold, the king forged into their territory, burning their food, killing their families, and raping the land for provisions to feed her mighty armies. This act not only cut off communications at the ups at home, but when the invaders returned they found themselves without food or family. The effects of the king's strategy were so devastating that the race of these invaders now face the threat of exstinction."

The teacher looked at the class, suddenly angered.

"PHINEAS," she-or he, I forget-yelled, walking over to the boy, "Are you passing a note during a lecture of our glorious god-leader?"

During the lecture, Isabella had tried to give Phineas a note about who knows what (actually, she wanted to ask him if he could come over, even though he was already temporarily living with her). Phineas dropped the note onto the floor, looking around nervously.

"Uh, no," Phineas said scratching his ear.

"Then what is that peice of paper on the floor," the teacher asked angrier than before.

"I had to blow my nose," he scratched his ear harder, though the teacher didn't seem to notice the meaning.

"Well, use a tissue next time," the teacher said, "Go ahead then, blow your nose, so that we may continue with our next lesson."

"I don't have to anymore," Phineas stated nervously, "You startled the sneeze right out of me."

"Nice save," Isabella whispered as the teacher began walking back to his/her desk.

**.**

**.**

**.**

It's a bright spring-time day in Danville. The weather is predictably perfect because today is the physical exam for the Tri-State Area's schools, which is usually held outside the city. Phineas and his friends have just turned old enough to take their test. They left school that day, feeling a little nervous, but after Buford barfed a little, everything seems fine now.

"That's gross," Baljeet said as Buford puked into a garbage can.

The group decides to take the test together to support one another morally. The group, along with the other students at the school taking the exam, go onto the bus and drive to a small Colesseum, big enough for all the schools' students to take the exam inside, along with the judges, who are sitting on the other side of the arena at a long table. The students take their seats on metal benches, circling around the court of the Colesseum. Sitting with Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, Baljeet, and Buford was a girl with long dakr teal hair tied up in pigtails. She's about Isabella's height being taller than Phineas but shorter than Ferb. With her is a pink female platypus, with little pigtails sticking up above her head. Phineas was the first to greet her.

"Hi," he said, "My name's Phineas."

"I'm Isabella~."

"I am Baljeet."

"Buford."

"I go by many names-."

"His name is Ferb," Phineas quickly interrupted.

"I am a regular human being!"

"I'm Kayla Doofenshmirtz," the girl greeted, "You can call me Kayla for short. This is Ivy, my pet platypus."

As if on cue, the animal cleared her throat and said, "What up?"

"Hey, you're Dr. D's cousin, aren't you," Phineas asked.

"Yes I am indeed," Kayla answered, "Has he talked about me?"

"Yes, actually," Phineas stated.

"You're one of the few family members of which he hasn't completely insulted," Baljeet added.

"Aw, that's so nice of him," Kayla said, earning an eyeroll from Ivy.

"Is Ivy taking the exam," Isabella asked.

Ivy shook her head. "I'm just here for moral support," she said, "Trut me, she's gonna need a lot of it."

The sound of a whistle silenced the entire room. In the middle of the court of the Colesseum is the Head Instructor, Mr. Henceforth. He had a gruff, angry look on his face, as if he went to war as a child several times and lived to tell about but with drastic changes.

"Students, stop your chattiness," Mr. Henceforth ordered, "We have work today! I have a test to administrate and it will not be postponed. Now, continue sitting on your chosen seats; I will call your names out in the order listed, so-...YOU!"

The teacher went face to face with a child closest to him.

"Are you chewing gum," the student didn't answer, just stared at the instructor fearfully, "Spit it out," the student obeyed.

"Now," Mr. Henceforth continued, "I will call out your names, and our judges will determine if you have passed the exam. However, I must warn you, there are many ways to fail: if you stand crookedly, you will fail. If you fall off the beams, you will fail. If you preform the exam in reverse, you will fail."

"What if we can't take the exam now," Buford asked, loud enough for the instructor to hear.

"The exam is offered again in the fall," Mr. Henceforth answered, "And upon that exam, you will fail."

"What if we finish too fast?"

"Then you will fail."

"And what if we pass?"

"Then you exit the educational system," Mr. Henceforth said, "And that is a world that and educator is frowned upon to understand. I know not what may happen."

"So we won't have to go to school anymore," Buford asked very excitedly.

"I assume, yes," Mr. Henceforth said, "Though I dare not contemplate the consequences."

"Sweet," Buford cheered, "I want that one!"

Everyone prepares themselves mentally, some physically by stretching their arms, and Mr. Henceforth calls out some names. After a while, he calls out for Kayla, who takes Ivy with her. "Break a leg," Isabella asked.

"Okay," Kayla said with a rather dumb smile, while Ivy looked to her owner horrifiedly.

She starts off with the test, but ended up breaking one leg, dislocating the other, and trip four-eighteen. She did this all during the push-up course, which seemed pretty impossible before hand. Ivy ends up being crushed under the body of her owner, muttering things like "She meant good luck, not literally," or "You moron, get off of me," or "Why were you holding me during the exam, you worthless being".

"Someboday must help her," Isabella said before passing a note to Phineas while the instructor was distracted.

"I do not think she can be helped," Ferb said, causing the instructor's attention to turn back to Phineas and Isabella.

"You there," Mr. Henceforth yelled at Isabella, "If you are caught passing notes during the exam, then you are failed!"

"But I wasn't passing anything that had to do with the exam," Isabella protested.

"This is the educational system, and the system does not have time to differentiate between good and bad note passing," Mr. Henceforth said, "Go to the "Bus Stop of Shame" with Kayla, NOW!"

"I guess she's not passing anything that has to do with the exam," Baljeet said as Isabella walked over with Kayla, and left the room to go outside.

The rest of the test ends horribly for Phineas, Ferb, Buford and Baljeet.

Baljeet ends up injuring himself similarly like how Kayla did, only it wasn't intentional. "My legs," Baljeet said as he was carried out of the Colesseum.

Buford failed because he was over-weight. "Oh, c'mon," Buford yelled before being dragged out of the Colesseum by some of the teachers.

Ferb fails because he ended up throwing one of the students during the "Throwing Test".

And Phineas failed because he was the one that got thrown. "Ferb," Phineas said as he limped out of the Colesseum with the green headed child, "Sometimes you make me want to hurt you."

"Wait, I want a do over," Ferb begged, "I want to go with the other students...there are more of them."

"Those are dodgeballs," Mr. Henceforth corrected, "And the educational system does not have time to understand your complaints. If this exam were fair, it would take all day. Now, go to the Bus Stop of Shame."

No ammount of logic can persuade the educational system. The two go to the Bus Stop of Shame with the others. There, the group meets the creepiest guy they have ever met. He looked like someone had baked bacon in his hair, and has the kind of facial scruff you use to scrape crud off of dishes that people leave out for about a month. He had a small, beat up van, and you can only guess that he drives from school to school on the weekdays.

"I won't stand for this humiliation," Baljeet yelled.

"No one is humiliating you," Ferb said,

"Yeah," Phineas reassured the boy, "You're not being humiliated, Baljeet."

"Yes," Ferb said, "Now you sound like an idiot."

"Well, _now_ I'm being humiliated," Baljeet said, "And I won't stand for _this_ kind of humiliation!"

"My name is Ricochet," the man greeted gruffly, "And this is my cat," he motioned to a black cat on a skateboard beside him, "He pays the bills, BUT I HAVE RIGHTS TOO!"

The sound of awkward silence filled the air among the children.

"GET IN MY VAN," the man whose name was Riocochet commanded.

"Um, my leg is broken," Kayla stated, sitting on the ground with Ivy trying hard to tend to her. There was a sickening cracking noise from her leg, and she winced in pain. "Like, really really bad!"

"Good," Ricochet stated uncaringly, "GET IN THE VAN!"

"...I was sort of hoping for some medical attention," Kayla said.

"Nay, GET IN THE VAN!"

"I will not stand for this maltreatment," Baljeet complained.

"Fine," Ricochet said, "GET IN THE VAN! The cat is a doctor," there was a pause," HOW DO YOU THINK HE PAYS THE RENT? The rest of you," the man takes out several forms and hands them to each child as the cat and Ivy help Kayla into the van, "Fill out this medical paperwork and make sure to list out any preexsisting medical conditions or allergies. Please hand me your insurrence infortmation when you return the forms!"

**.**

**.**

**.**

The kids fill out the paperwork the best they can. After a while, the can comes out, and the driver ushers everyone else to the back of the van. The entire process involves a lot of unnecissary physical contact. The inside of the van smelt of smelly cheese and all that was in there was several beer cans. Kayla was suddenly wearing a cast on her leg, telling them gleefully that the cat was a freaking miracle worker, given that he had a complete lack of medical equipment. The van began moving; where they were going they had no idea.

"I hear that you have AIDs," Buford said to Kayla.

"I do," Kayla asked.

"No," Ivy said, "You don't."

"Do any of the rest of us have AIDs," Ferb asked.

**.**

**.**

**.**

Whever Ricochet was taking them, his route was totally indirect. He drove all over Danville: He stops at the drivethrough of the bank...

"Just because the cat pays the rent doesn't mean I don't have rights," Ricochet yelled through the intercom, "And I would like to deposit a check! The cat can't stop me!"

...He goes through a drivethrough at Mc. Donald's...

"I would like a Happy Meal," Ricochet demanded.

"Sir," the worker said through the speaker, "You can have a Happy Meal-GET THE H*** OUT OF MY DRIVETHROUGH!"

He ends up dropping the kids at the hardware store and leaves them there for about an hour or so. When he comes back, he smells like fish. Basically, he drove them all over until he drove to a building in a completely different town. The company of the building was aparantally the OWCA, which meant Oraganzation Without a Cool Acronym, to which the students said that it should've been called OWaCA. As they park, and the slide doors open, two animals approach the van: a frog, and a dog. They wore fedoras to hide their mysterious identities. "Hey, Ricochet," The frog greeted politely.

"There's nothing hay about it," Ricochet mumbled.

"So, these kids," the dog said, "Their from the actual exam this time, right?"

"The only thing I hate more than children," Ricochet abruptly said, "Is children with musical instruments!"

Buford suddenly blushed bashfully, as if a secret of his was revealed to public.

"Okay," the dog said, eyeing the man before turning to the children, "C'mon kids, let's let Ricochet get back to his grown-up stuff," Ricochet gave the two animals a death glare, "We've got a lot of work today."

The children and Ivy piled out of the van and followed the two animals into the OWCA. In the recption room is a man with a white mustache talking to a Chihuahua. Isabella mentions that the Chihuahua actually looked like her pet named Pinky, just as the pink dog walked over to them wearing purple attire and a brown top hat.

"Hey kids," the Chihuahua said with a thick Spanish accent, "Welcome to the OWCA Factory, it's like Willy Wonka in here!"

"Wait just a clock tick," Ivy said, "Their punishment for failing the exam is taking a tour through a factory with a crazy Chihuahua?"

"Wait," Bufard said, "Which one of us has to be the fat kid? I call not it!"

"Buford, you are fat," Baljeet said.

"So," Buford asked, brushing off whatever the other said.

"I want to be an Oompaloompa," Ferb stated, earning stares from everyone around him as he paused, "Take me to them so the deed may be done."

"Nose goes to the fat kid," Phineas quickly said.

Everyone touched their noses except for Baljeet who groaned. "I don't even like chocolate," he said.

"Too bad, fatty," Buford said.

"I'm morally outraged with this fat kid thing," Isabella said, "And in love with Phineas~."

Everyone turned to Isabella, except Phineas, who wasn't even paying attention to what she had said.

"What," Isabella asked, "Cut me some slack~! He reminds me of my father, okay~?"

"See," the Chihuahua said nervously, "We are all having fun! No need to run through the geletin walls-."

"The walls are made of geletin," Phineas asked before the Chihuahua continued.

"-Or geletin floors, or anything. You are not going to be grounded up into colors, and that's a silly thing to think it was gonna happen!"

Ferb suddenly yelled out something in a different language in a wave of panic; unknown to anyone, a teenager with glasses by a computer was pulled into the screen by a mysterious evil hand. "They are going to grind us into colors," Ferb exclaimed.

"Okay," Ivy said, "We all know that's a bad thing, right? You're not gonn fall for the ploy, are you? I'm starting to get a little fustrated."

"Calm down, Ivy," Kayla said, "He just said that we _weren't_ gonna be grinded up into colors."

"Yeah," Baljeet said, "That was very rude of you, Ivy."

"YOU'RE THE FAT KID," Ivy screamed.

Baljeet began to whimper.

"Wow," Buford said, "You are such a jerk."

"That was just low, Ivy," Kayla scolded.

"It's okay, Baljeet," Phineas said comforting the boy, "You aren't fat."

"I know," Baljeet sobbed, though wasn't coherent with his words, so no one knew what he actually said.

"What did he ever do to you," Phineas asked, glaring at Ivy.

"Okay, kids," the Chihuahua said, obviously getting a little uncomfortable, "The time for ridicule is over! I've got a super fun thing for you. It's a waver form! It's like a maze, or connect the dots, except with a signature," the small pink dog tossed a form to the children, "You just write your names there, and then we're gonna go on a magical tour!"

"Wait," Isabella said, "Doesn't Willy Wonka kill all of the children in the end?"

"Uh, okay, I see your point," the Chihuahua said as he quickly took off his outfit and replaced the strange hat on his head with a rainbow wig, "I am not Willy Wonka no more, I am Bo-Bo the clown! See, you can trust Bo-Bo, he's safe with kids."

"I declare that this cannot go wrong," Ferb said with a grin, losing all traces of doubt from before.

"Well, if Ferb agrees with the situation, then so do I," Phineas said.

**.**

**.**

**.**

The tour of the giant facility ended in a room made out of squichy geletin. There were hundreds of other children there as well, but most of them appeared to have some kind of injury, similar to Kayla or worse. There was also a big machine there, and it appears that about six animals wearing fedors are watching it. There's cookies and punch by the door. Bo-Bo flies off, saying that he has to take care of things with his boss and that there's cookies and punch by the door.

"What's the machine for," Ivy asked.

Nothing.

"So," Isabella said, "Phineas, did you hear my proclamation~?"

"Um, not really," Phineas said, honestly feeling neuteral about his situation with Isabella and having no idea of her feelings.

"Well, honey, the world is like a big ocean, and I'm your love anemone," Isabella flirted.

"I though sea-anemone reproduced a-sexually," Phineas said.

"Not this sea-anemone my hunk-a-licious manitee," Isabella said.

"That's just something my mother would say," Baljeet said.

There was another awkward pause between the children.

"I don't try to understand the girls in my life," Baljeet stated, " I just enjoy their company."

"My mom," Kayla said, "Was really good at embrodering."

"You all should be a tunic," Buford stated, "Because their the chickens of the sea."

Suddenly, everyone gets quiet, and their attention turns to the most awesome suprervisor in the world, who was on the balcony above them. He wore not just a fedora like the rest of the animals, but also had a westler on backwards because he was in a hurry to get to work because he was late. Everyone in the room could tell that he was probably the most awesome-who changed my script?

He takes off his mask so he can turn it around, also causing his fedora to fall off. It's none other than Perry the Platypus. He is so awe-SERIOUSLY!

"Hi Perry," Phineas called to happily.

"Oh, hey guys," Perry said, but recoiled back a little when he noticed Ivy smirking insanely at him, "Who let her in the factory? Don't they know that animals are not aloud?"

"Perry," Bo Bo said walking over next to him, "We ARE animals."

"Why are you afraid of Ivy," Kayla asked.

"Well, there was an incident with a fish bowl," Perry began explaining in a nutshell, "One thing led to another, and long story short, SHE TRIED TO DROWN ME!"

"I did no such thing," Ivy said in an attempt to sound innocent.

"Uh, hey boss," Bo-Bo whispered to the platypus beside him, "Aren't we suppose to...you know?"

"Uh, yeah, about that," Perry said back to the Chihuahua, "I was thinking that, maybe...you know, I'm really tired today, and the kids just got here, and I mean we've got cookies and punch over there, and I brought my stereo," Perry showed Bo-Bo his stereo breifly, and then set it down as he continued, "so I was thinking, instead of the things that we normally do, maybe we can have a pizza party!"

"Okay, there are numerical problems with your brilliant plan," Bo Bo said, "And one things is that we can't afford that many pizzas."

"I thought you had savings," Perry said.

"I don't."

"It's okay," Perry said, as if he were panicking a little, "I stole Dr. Doofenshmirtz's credit card. We can use that to buy the pizzas!"

"Secondly, the only reason why we have enough money to buy anything," Bo-Bo continued, "Is that someone pays us to do a job."

"Well, it's a sucky job," Perry exclaimed.

"Hey, Perry," Phineas said.

Perry looked back down to the boy.

"Uh, hey Phin," Perry greeted again.

"How come you're wearing a fedora," Phineas asked, "And what was with the westler mask?"

"Oh, well, yesterday I went to watch a Wrestling Match with Pinky the other day and I forgot to take off the mask I was wearing," Perry said motioning to Bo-Bo, "And there's a dresscode that we have to wear fedoras, because, you know, this whole factory thing is a whole secret conspiricay, except moral was really low cause all we did is secretly grind children into colors, so I thought it would really help everyone out to do crazy type Mondays, and casual Fridays. We still have to wear the fedoras, but it helps to individualize, because everyone feels recognized and important."

The children stared in shock.

"Okay, that's really nice," Phineas said with obvious fear on his face.

"Yep," Perry said joyfully, while the Chihuahua beside him, now revealed to be Pinky, glared, "I've only been working here for like three days and I'm like the best supervisor."

"Okay," Phineas said, "What was that part about the colors and the grinding again."

"Oh," Perry said realizing what he had revealed, "Uh..."

The platypus was hit on the back of the head with the rainbow wig that was on Pinky's, head. The pink dog growled at Perry who rubbed the back of his head, frowning sadly at the other.

"Man! You weren't suppose to tell them," Pinky scolded, "You don't call it conspirency because you announce it to a room of a hundred children! Now I dressed up like Willy Wonka and a clown for nothing!"

"See, outrage," Baljeet said to the others, "Totally justified."

"WE'RE GONNA BE GRINDED UP INTO RAINBOWS," Kayla screamed in panic.

"No," Perry said in a panicked voice, "There's punch and cookies by the door! No colors! Pizza Party!"

"You've been grinding up ponies behind my back," Ivy asked, "If I knew about this machine in the first place, I would've tossed you right in...I mean, I would've stopped your evil plan!"

"That's why we didn't tell you," Pinky yelled in an outrage.

"I haven't done any grinding," Perry answered Ivy, "on the first day I locked myself in the bathroom..."

**.**

**.**

**.**

_*Knock*_

_*Knock*_

_"Perry. Open up, man, it's time to start-."_

_"NO! THE BATHROOM IS OCCUPIED! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO OUT THER! YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THAT THERE WERE GONNA BE CHILDREN!"_

**.**

**.**

**.**

Everyone stared at the platypus as he imitated what he did three days before while clinging onto the rails of the platform. Perry suddenly calmed down right after and said, "They ended up knocking down the door and dragged me out of there. They sent me home after. On the second day, they had the key, so they didn't break anything down, and today's the third day, and we've earned a break, and we should have a pizza party! There's cookies and punch by the door."

"Well, what's the point," Phineas asked, either angered or indifferent by the situation as of now.

"Okay," Perry said, "There's a really good reason for this, and I can totally explain...maybe over some pizza?"

"No," Pinky answered, glowering.

"There's no good reason for us to be ground into rainbows," Isabella stated.

"I am a normal human," Ferb said, "And as such, I desire a normal explanation-in detail-of the ritual sacrificing of children."

Silence filled the air as everyone stared up at the platypus again.

"Who, me" Perry asked.

"You're the one who told them in the first place," Pinky said, angrilly.

"Um, okay," Perry said going over to his stereo, "Give me a second."

Perry turned on his stereo, and out came happy music. The children gave each other confused glances and Perry bobbed his head in sync with the tune, and as he went to turn on the machine. The conveyerbelt moved, faster and faster, in sync with the music as well. Suddenly, Perry began to-.

**(~)**

**Perry: You will be turned into rainbows**

**Everyone will be so happy**

**You'll be gone, but that's okay though.**

**Hey, cheer up, it's not that crappy**

**If you assume it your life goal**

**to convert into a rainbow**

**you'd dare not be disappointed**

**once I stuff you into this hole**

**(~)**

The friends began hugging each other fearfully, except for Ferb and Ivy, who both noticed this, glanced at each other, and then reluctantly did the same.

**(~)**

**Perry: This is where we take your taxes**

**where we make certain things wanted**

**We're not experts, so don't ask us**

**How this method got so vaunted**

**This job does not need a degree**

**That is how they got stuck with me**

**I need this for health care, you see**

**So I can afford therapy**

**(~)**

Perry bobbed his head in sync with the tune once again, but was cut off by Pinky.

"Man, there is a good reason, but that don't tell them nothing," Pinky said as he turned off the machine.

"What do you mean," Perry asked, "I need the freakin health benefits."

"That's it," Pinky asked, "What about the history?"

"The history is that I'm not going back to eleven twenty-five an hour because I eat too much fast food and it's really hard to pay for rent," Perry explained, "I admit that they say that you should do it for the love of the job and not the money, but the economy is really rough right now, and this is the best I could get."

"You know what," Pinky said, "FORGET YOU," the Chihuahua took out a stool and a guitar. He leaped up and sat on the stool, positioning himself as he said, "I'm gonna explain this Losino style; listen up kids."

After a pause, listening to the music for a bit, Pinky began strumming the instrument like a pro, and sang:

**(~)**

**Pinky: Let's go back to many years ago:**

**Everything you know is owned by the king himself**

**The tiny blade of grass that fed on the sun**

**The tiny grasshopper that fed on the grass**

**The snake in the grass that fed on the grasshopper**

**And the holy-evil government, owned by the king himself**

**All things trod beneath an iron fist**

**United, provided, divided by the king himself**

**All hailed humbly to the mighty king**

**Until one day**

**Then**

**came**

**the war**

**(~)**

**Pinky: The Nightmare came**

**swept from the sky**

**lasers from his eyes**

**and teeth like knives!**

**The power of our king **

**was simply not enough **

**to over-come: his father**

**The one had sacrificed **

**a peice of his mind**

**to the dark gods**

**for deeds unkind**

**Hope seemed lost**

**until the time**

**that the great king**

**developed**

**a plan**

**(~)**

**Pinky: Pitch on power to retain the rest**

**Sacrifice in turn**

**was the jest**

**With so many**

**what was one?**

**This foul war,**

**must be done**

**It must be something he could do without**

**A superflueous that he could leave out**

**He purveyed them all**

**and mad his decision**

**He rested his choice,**

**his prismatic decision**

**No more colors **

**was his decree**

**The country's people **

**would pay this fee**

**But petty polotics **

**saw another route**

**The electorate**

**could not do without**

**So the duty fell to the anthromorphs**

**And when they found the solution**

**They fell in remorse**

**(~)**

_**Oh no!**_

**(~)**

**Pinky: We can't procure pigments**

**without grinding the youth**

**into a find mist of colors,**

**and that is the truth**

**But our pleas for reprieve**

**fell upon deaf ears**

**And the exit polls showed our greatest fears**

**We must make colors**

**There wasn't a choice**

**The warlocks and man-fools**

**smothered our voice**

**...And so**

**we built...**

**A machine~!**

**(~)**

The music came to a stop, and Pinky tossed his guitar to the side before jumping off the stool and knocking it over the platform, hitting one of the workers. The brief silence was broken by Ferb.

"Your plans are interesting," he said, "But I think they can be improved upon. For example: prehaps we could inscribe certain words into the machine when the children are sacrificed."

"Aw, see," Perry said to his partner in crime (literally), "What a great kid, he's so helpful. We should throw a pizza party!"

"No way," Pinky said, "If we don't do this now, it's gonna be us in that thing," after waiting a second for Perry to say some orders, Pinky took charge, "Bring one of those kids up here!"

Four of the animals grabbed Baljeet and dragged him up to the platform. They set him onto the conveyerbelt, in front of Perry and Pinky.

"Uh, I don't know, maybe we should sing another song," Perry said.

"We don't have time for another song," Pinky exclaimed, "We'll sing tomorrow. Now just do what's gotta be done!"

"Okay," Perry said in defeat as he turned to Baljeet, "Okay, now, Baljeet, you just sit there, and," Baljeet looked at the platypus as if she was about to cry, pullingon his guilt string, "S-so we discovered that, for whatever reason, the color process works better if you're holding a puppy," one of the animals gave Baljeet a cute little puppy, "So, here's a puppy. I-I named him Mr. Snuffles because of the way he tickles my invisible neck. A-and also, it works better if you hold a picture of your family," Pinky went over to Baljeet, giving him a small picture frame of her and his family, "So here's a nice picture we got of your parents," Perry's voice began cracking, "Wishing you good luck on the exam. A-and also, it works better if you have a box of crayons," the platypus handed the boy a box of crayons as said, "So that-so that you can color, when you go to heaven!"

The platypus began sobbing hysterically, while Pinky looked over to him uncaringly.

"Get over it, man," Pinky said, walking over to the controls of the machine, "After a few of these it's like nothing! Sure you stay up late at night thinking about how your family's gonna think of you, and you wonder what animal hell is gonna be like, but other than that it's no big deal."

As Pinky went to pull the lever to start the machine, Perry slammed himself against it, refusing to move.

"NO," Perry cried.

"C'mon man," Pinky said, losing patience.

"W-wait," Perry begged, "I'm not ready!"

An argument ensued with Perry and Pinky, and during so, Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, Baljeet, and Buford fell into discussion.

"I think we should escape," Phineas said.

"That girl and her platypus are about to be sacrificed," Ferb said, not paying attention to the others, "Oh I am going to utter a prayer so hard...I mean, uh, yeah we should escape."

"But how are we going to escape," Kayla asked, "My leg is broken, so I can't run."

"She makes a good point, babe," Isabella told Phineas, "We're surrounded by an impenatrable prison of soft-serve geletin, and the hundred of us estranged children are being guarded by no less than six cute little animals~! Truly nothing can be more terrifying~!"

"We need to devise an extrodinary plan," Phineas stated with a grin.

"No," Ivy said, "I am sure a regular plan will do just fine."

"Maybe we can tell everyone to follow the secrets of the exam from earlier," Kayla said, "And each sequence will be a code for a particular kind of attack."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Ferb said, "You mean the one that everyone in this room was too mentally deficient to pass?"

"We need to think of a distraction," Phineas said.

Isabella quickly began doing a strange dance while yelling, "HEY EVERYONE, LOOK AT ISABELLA DANCE~!"

Phineas tackled into the girl and covered her mouth with his hand. "We need to think of a distraction that doesn't draw attention to us," Phineas explained with a glare.

"Oh no," Buford exclaimed, "They're going to grind us up into colors! EVERYBODY PANIC!"

Sure enough, everyone began to panic and scream as told. Some of the children even tackled into the animals guarding them.

"Oh my gosh," Perry said, trying to calm everyone down from the platform, "Wait guys, we don't have to get violent. We can still have a pizza party! There's cookies and punch by the doors!"

"Good work, Buford," Phineas said, "NOW EVERYBODY RUN!"

"I can't," Kayla cried.

Isabella and Ivy immediately began helping Kayla run to the exit door. However, when Phineas tried opening the door, it wouldn't open.

"It's locked," Phineas panicked, "And made of geletin! What do we do?"

Small noises were heard from behind the door. The exit opened, and revealed behind was another Ferb wearing an ID tag.

"Did you just come from over there," Phineas asked the Ferb next to him.

"Yes," the Ferb at the door answered, earning the six's attention, "I have traversed the plane of the OWCA."

"Tell us how to get out," Isabella ordered, thought tried to be as polite as the situation would allow.

"Very well," Ferb-2 said, "You can start, by running up the stairs to the crypt. Grab the book from the skeletons, and pass into the Pit of the Pendulum. Knock over the collum, and climb into the King's Stole Room. Smash the clay pots, to find the key, to lead you into the Chambers of the Secret Markers. Match the symbols on the right to those on the left, and pass into the Room of the Acient Warriors. Place yourself in the correct armor, and open the door to the Shrine of the Silver Monkey. Assemble the statue, and you may be headed to the Room with the Secret Password. Find the tablet with the correct inscription, and shout to open the door to the Pharoh's Secret Passage. Slide down the tunnel to the quick sand bog, where you can smash through to the Dark Forest. But beware of the temple guards, which may inhabate the trees. Find the key in the tree, and you'll enter the Jester's Court. Press yourself against the correct wall painting, and you'll gain entry to the tomb of the headless kings! Pull the vines to release their bones, and attatch the missing skull to the proper king. The race through the pit, climb through the ledges, race down the stairs and back through the temple gate. The choices are yours, and yours alone!"

As the group were about to follow Ferb-2, Buford said, "You guys go ahead. This situation allows me to finally rage war on something living!"

"Uh, okay," Phineas said, pretty much not caring, "Bye."

As they left, Perry went over to Buford and said, "Hey, Buford, did Phineas and his friends go that way?"

Buford suddenly tackled into Perry, who began to freak out, trying to escape the bigger one's grip.

**.**

**.**

**.**

The escapees did really well, and made it into the Room of the Silver Monkey. However, they are unable to put the head of the statue on.

"I'm trying to force it, but it won't budge," Isabella yelled.

"The head is backwards," Ferb, and Ferb-2 said.

"Try jiggling it around," Kayla insisted.

"The head is backwards."

"Maybe it's broken," Phineas said.

"THE HEAD IS BACKWARDS!"

The group unfortuantely ended up getting grabbed by temple guards.

**.**

**.**

**.**

The group is taken back into the main factoyr, where everything had calmed down, all thec hildren enjoying the punch and cookies. No one knew how it came to pass, but it did look like good cookies...

Ferb tore the ID tag off of the guard's neck, kicked him in the gut and broke free.

"Run, Ferb," Phineas cried out, "Help us!"

Ferb uttered a chant and suddenly disappeared in a ball of light. Phineas looked at Ferb-2, who was now the present Ferb. "How long do you think it'll take for him to come back," Phineas asked.

"I already opened the door for you and gave you directions," Ferb said, "What more do you want from me?"

The temple guard placed the six onto the platform. Buford is with Baljeet, who is still with his puppy and stuff. Perry has _cleverly _taped an out of order sign to the operating lever of the machine, so the day was pretty much saved.

"Very funny man," Pinky told Perry, "I'm the factory engineer, I think I'd know if the machine was broken down."

Why am I always wrong?

"You don't know," Perry stated, "You didn't check it first! We have to close down for maintenence!"

Pinky sighed. "Alright, boss," he said, "I know that you're new and that this is hard. I'll tell you what, how about we take the kid and the puppy off of the machine and let's do a test run, okay?"

"...Okay," Perry said.

Baljeet and the puppy immediately get off the conveyerbelt, leaving the picture and the box of crayons on it.

"Now, c'mon and pull the lever," Pinky ordered calmly.

"Uh, right," Perry said, "The lever...which part was that again? I think I should go to the bathroom and check the manual, really loudly!"

"The bathroom doesn't have locks anymore," Pinky said.

"Th-that's okay!"

"Look, I'll show you, it's not so bad, see?"

Pinky the engineer pulled the lever; the box of crayons and the picture of Baljeet's family fell into the hole and disappeared into a pit of whirring blades. After some silly noises, a stream of colors flow out of the bottom of the machine and into a giant mat. Pinky stared, in complete and utter shock.

"Did...did that thing just make colors," Pinky asked.

"Uh, yeah," Perry answered, having calmed down.

"Out od crayons and a picture of a family," Pinky exclaimed.

"Yeah, that's what it's suppose to do, right," Perry responded.

"Are you kidding me? We don't even need a kid," Pinky questioned, more to himself than to anyone else, "Quick," Pinky ordered another animal, "Put another picture of a kid's family on there!"

They did, and sure enough, the machine produced another batch of colors.

"Ah, man," Pinky whined, "I can't beleive we're going to animal hell for nothing!"

Having been given the new circumstances, the children at the OWCA were aloud to go home to their families, where they were aloud to take happy pictures that would be fed into a horrible machine for the nefarious purposes of the government.

**.**

**.**

**.**

That night, Perry tiredly returned to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated. On the couch was Dr. Doofenshmirtz, reading a book.

"Hey, Dr. D," Perry greeted.

"Hey," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, not even making eye contact, "So, how was work?"

"It was," there was a pause, "Interesting. So, how was your day."

"Fine," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "I've pretty much have been reading all day."

"Oh, that's nice," Perry said, "Well, I've had a long day, so it's time to hit the hay."

"There are no haystacks here though."

Perry's eyes widened as Dr. Doofenshmirtz smirked.

"Did I mention that my cousin and her pet were staying over for a few weeks," Dr. Doofenshmirtz asked.

The platypus turned to Kayla, who wore a gleeful smile, and Ivy, who grinned squarely at Perry.

"Thank you for letting us stay, Cousin Heinz," Kayla said giddily as she walked down the hall, "I'll be getting my stuff unpacked!"

Ivy walked over to Perry, a dark smirk on her face. "You and I are gonna have a lot of fun," she snickered.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

**[The End]**

**A/N**

**This is quite possibly the longest chapter I have ever written for this or for anything. This took me about two days to write, and it was worth it. :3**

**Anyways, read, reveiw, and request; if you need more information about requests, PM me, or ask me about it in the reveiws. I am happy to help.**

**I hope you enjoyed, and have a pleasant rest of the day.**


	7. Caught in a Bad Romance

**Okay, here's the next chapter.**

**Thank you, NattyMc, for the request, and PlatyborgtoShadowlytes, since no one else in particular is requesting anything or asking to put in OCs, I'll put your character in these frequently. So let's all say that Kayla Doofenshmirtz and Ivy the Platypus are now officially recurring characters.**

**As always, please enjoy. :3**

**P/F/P/F**

**Caught in a Bad Romance**

**Requested by: NattyMc**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The day started with Milky running through town being chased by monkeys...again.

While Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, and Cody were ordered to chase down the monkeys with nets, Candace, who had just returned from rehab, immediately went to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated. Why, you ask? Because forcing someone else-and by someone else, of course it means Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz-to help will sove everyone's problems. The citizens even put it on a plack in City Hall, with those words exactly.

"Dr. Doofenshmirtz," Candace yelled slamming the front door open.

Perry suddenly hugged Candace. "THANK YOU!"

"LET GO YOU STUPID PLATYPUS" Candace yelled at the platypus as Kayla, who slammed the door shut, revealed Ivy flat against the wall.

"Ivy," Kayla cried frantically as she went the the platypus' aide, "Speak to me!"

"Good morning sunshine," Ivy responded dizzily as she slid to the ground, "The earth says hello."

After Candace pried Perry off, she noticed Doofenshmirtz by a mirror fixing his bow tie...wait a minute.

"What do you want," Dr. Doofenshmirtz asked, glancing at Candace.

"The monkeys are attacking Milky again," I already said that, "SHUT UP NARRATOR!"

"I can't help you," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, begin to fix his hair (do you know how tempting it is to giggle reading this?).

"Why not," Candace asked, "I mean, sure you hate Milky a lot, even for your standards, but not even she deserves death."

"Doof's got a date," Perry smirked and was backed up by Kayla, who began snickering.

Doofenshmirtz shot a glare at them. "Hey Kayla," he said, "Ivy."

"SPEAK TO ME," Kayla immediately went back to her injured best friend.

"A date," Candace asked, "With who? What's her name? It _is _a girl, risn't it?"

"Yes it's a girl," Dr. Doofenshmirtz replied, "And no, I don't know her name."

"What, is it a blind date or something?"

"Not even close."

"Then why don't you know her name?"

"She won't tell anyone her name."

Candace raised an eyebrow. "Don't you find it suspiciously bizarr and ominous that she never tells anyone her name," you just love asking questions, don't you, "I WILL TEAR YOUR TONGUE OUT IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP," And I can just toss you out of this story, "...I'll be good."

"No," Dr. Doofenshmirtz answered, "I mean, yeah at first I was suspicious. You'd think that she'd try to break my neck by now, but nope. She doesn't."

"So it's not suspicious the least," Perry added.

"Wait," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "Are we actually in agreement?"

"Yes," Perry answered, "This doesn't change anything between us, right?"

"I still hate you."

"Good, now that we have that established."

Candace opened her mouth, about to go into a long ramble of why Dr. Doofenshmirtz shouldn't go on a date with the stranger, when Isabella was heard.

"CANDACE~! THE MONKEYS GOT MILKY~!"

"Unhand me you demonic furballs with tails! Yes. MILKY SHALL OVER-POWER YOU!"

Candace sighed. "I better go," Candace said as she began walking to the front door. She turned to Dr. Doofenshmirtz as she slammed the door open again (again, hitting Ivy as Kayla stared jaw-dropped) and said, "Meanwhile, you better think through this whole date of yours."

With that, Candace left. Kayla picked up Ivy and said, "I know what'll help. Let's play doctor!"

"Help me," Ivy groaned as she was carried to Kayla's room.

Perry grinned. "I'm glad she came," Perry said, looking at Dr. Doofenshmirtz, who rolled his eyes.

**.**

**.**

**.**

Dr. Doofenshmirtz met up with his date at the movies. She was a beautiful woman, one of the very few that actually attracted him. A beautiful woman with a...strange hairstyle. But he digressed, he wouldn't pass up a chance with an attractive woman who actually liked him back. It was true, like he had said before, that he was suspicious of her at first, mainly because it was actually Perry who got him the date in the first place. It went a little something like this:

**.**

**.**

**.**

_"Heinz. Heinz. Heinz. Heinz. Heinz. Heinz. Heinz. Heinz. Heinz. Heinz. Heinz. He-."_

_"WHAT?"_

_"What are you doing?"_

_"What does it look like I'm doing?"_

_I'll give you all a hint: He's on the computer, on a dating site..._

_"You're playing Minecraft," Perry exclaimed._

_Not even close._

_"No," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "I'm attempting to do some royal courting."_

_"...Huh?"_

_"Okay I'll make it simple," Dr. Doofenshmirtz sighed, "I. Am trying. To get. A date."  
_

_"...You?"_

_"Perry, I swear, if you don't stop acting like an idiot I will have to hurt you," Dr. Doofenshmirtz threatened, causing Perry to cowar._

_"R-r-right," Perry shook his head and gained back his composure, "I thought you hated the thought of dating, Dr. D."_

_"That was when dating was a detriment to scientific research and focused study," Dr. Doofenshmirtz explained, "These days I'm researching the lives of Danville, and focusing on "friendship"."_

_"I see your point," Perry said nodding, "So, you're basically doing this because you're bored?"_

_"Pretty much," Dr. Doofenshmirtz answered._

_Perry walked over to the man, pushed him off the chair, and hopped onto it in his place. Dr. Doofenshmirtz got up, glaring._

_"What the heck are you doing," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said._

_Perry began reading through Dr. Doofenshmirtz's information that he put up on the site. He shook his head._

_"Heinz, Heinz, Heinz," Perry said, "What you've written here is all wrong."_

_"What do you mean," Dr. Doofenshmirtz asked, "I was being as sickeningly honest as possible."_

_"The truth gets you nowhere when it comes to getting laid," Perry said as if he was an expert with the ladies (which he apparentlly is, even though he literally is an animal)._

_"I wasn't planning on getting laid," Dr. Doofenshmirtz exclaimed, almost as if he were panicking._

_Perry didn't listen and said, "Stand back and watch how to really get a woman."_

_Dr. Doofenshmirtz scoffed. "Yeah, like you're actually gonna get me a date."_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_"Are you telling me that you actually got me a date during the five minutes I went to get some coffee," Dr. Doofenshmirtz asked, wide-eyed._

_"Yep," Perry answered nodding his head proudly, "Isn't that great?"_

_"Please tell me you didn't change my profile."_

_"I changed your profile."_

_"I hate you so much right now."_

_"Look on the bright side," Perry said, still grinning, "I kept your name and the picture of you in your avatar."_

_Dr. Doofenshmirtz looked at the computer screen and saw that what Perry had said was true. But he did change just about everything else._

_"By the way, your date begins tomorrow at 3pm," Perry said, earning a dark glare from Dr. Doofenshmirtz, "You'll thank me for this later, pal."_

**.**

**.**

**.**

And, though he hated to admit it, he did have to thank him some time. Nothing bad actually happened for once. True, he kept thinking late at night that something terrible might happen, and it didn't exactly help that Candace of all people was telling him that it was a bad idea. He had more commonsense than her, after all, considering the drunken incident. And besides, he still had a benefit of the doubt...true, that usually led to trouble, but what could possibly go wrong on a date?

**.**

**.**

**.**

"NO! PLEASE! MERCY," Perry cried as he began running around the house from Ivy, who had an axe in her hand.

Ever since Kayla and Ivy went to live with Dr. Doofenshmirtz and Perry, Ivy had tried to kill Perry. To her luck, no one, not even Dr. Doofenshmirtz seemed to notice, although there's a slight possibility that none of them cared.

Meanwhile, Kayla was in her room listening to her ipod while reading-.

"What are you doing?"

Um...I'm narrating.

""For what reason?"

This story needs to be told.

"Story? What story?"

Look, just ignore me...like almost everyone in this story lacks to. JUST LIKE THAT CAT LADY ON THE SIDE WALK!

"...Just ignore her, and she'll go away."

Ahem. Back to the story.

Kayla heard the distracting noise, despite having put her ipod on high, and immediately went to see what was the matter.

"You guys," Kayla said, walking into the living room, "What the heck is going-."

What caught her attention was not the fact that the couch had been thrown out the window, or the fact that there were several weapons scattered on the ground, or even the fact that the sink was on fire for some unexplained reason. No, what caught her attention was the fact that Ivy was pinning Perry down to the ground.

"IVY," Kayla yelled, a bit angry.

Ivy and Perry turned to the girl, eyes shrunken in shock.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"...Uh," Ivy said, "This isn't what it looks like."

"So, you're telling me that you weren't going to do anything life threatening to this poor platypus," Kayla asked.

"...No," Ivy said, shifting her eyes.

"...Okay," Kayla said, skipping back to her room, "Have fun, you two!"

"NO! WAIT! COME BACK," Perry screamed as Ivy was ready to punch the platypus again.

The phone rang. "I'LL GET IT," Perry yelled, starting to lose his voice from his screaming, even letting out coughs that prevented him from getting to the phone. Instead, Ivy got to the phone first.

"Hello," Ivy asked, "...Candace...you want Perry...um, he's kind of...oh, nevermind, here he is."

Ivy handed the other platyous the phone, mouthing, "You're afe for now," before walking away.

"Hey, Candace," Perry said calming down, "You saved my life again...what do you mean what do I mean...you're having a meeting at your house? Why would you...I still think you're over reacting to the whole...fine, fine, I'll come. But only because you saved my butt twice today...what do you mean what do I-ugh!"

**.**

**.**

**.**

As said, Candace held a meeting at her house. Phineas was there because he lived there, Ferb was there because he was normal, Isabella was there because she wanted to be with Phineas, Cody was there because he was promised snacks, and Milky was somehow there because she wanted to see what chaos had been commited. Of course, Milky was still being held by monkeys and there were no explanation as to why the monkeys chose to bring her. Candace had already explained the reason in rant style, which led to everyone thinking that she was crazy, which led to arguments, which...just read.

"But Candace," Phineas said, "No one knows Ferb's name either."

"I am a normal human being"

"This is serious guys," Candace said.

"No one was disagreeing with you," Phineas said slowly.

"SHUT UP," Candace said, "Now, as I was saying, what if she's some murderer or assassin sent by the king? Or worse!"

"What could be worse than that," Cody asked, "The king cross-dressing as his date?"

"Oh, I don't even wanna think about that," Candace cringed, as well as everyone else, "No. It's something less threatening, but still threatening I assure you. What if she's..."

Pause for dramatic effect.

"A door to door salesman."

DUN DUN DUN!

Everyone stared at Candace with dull expressions, completely disappointed by the climax.

"Candace, are you holding out on alchohol again," Isabella asked.

"NO, NO I HAVEN'T!"

"Look guys" Perry butted in "I've met this girl, she's perfectly harmless. Doofs been seeing her for over a month now, if she wanted to kill him...or sell him something...wouldn't she have done it by now?"

"Thats just what she wants you to think!" Candace glared "Tonight's the night she pulls out the BIG guns!"

"Woohoo! Go Doof!" Cody cheered punching a fist in the air.

"THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT!"

"Look Candace, Doof's fine. He can take care of himself and isn't he always saying how he would like nothing more than to be shot dead so he can forever leave this town? And besides, why do you care anyway?"

There was a silence and everyone grinned. Candace becam confused. "What? Why're you all grinning like that?"

Milky nodded "Candace likes Doofenshmirtz. Yes."

"WHAT? NO I DON'T!"

"Yes you do," Isabella said in a sing-song tone, "It's plain, clear, and crystal. You like Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz."

"I have a boyfriend, you morons," Candace reminded.

"I seem to recall that, during the dragon incident, you said that you were beginning to beleive that you were mono-dimensional," Milky countered, "You know, how you wondered if you should've dated other men behind Jeremy's back? Yes."

"Sh-sh-shut up," Candace yelled, "If you guys won't help me then I'll do this on my own! C'mon Perry," Candace grabbed the platypus by the tail and began to drag him.

"What, why me," Perry asked.

"Because you need to point out that skunk-sack," Candace explained.

"Can't you just find her yourself?"

"How am I going to do that? I've never seen her before."

"Hm...touche," Perry snatched hi tail away, cleared his throat, and said, "She has reddish brown hair that's slightly styled to look like an afro, she wears purple, like, all the time, her eyes are green, she has tanned skin, she's hot as heck, and we should have a pizza...wait a minute, what was I saying?"

Candace tapped her chin, as if deep in thought. Three minutes later, Perry sighed.

"You're still making me come with you arent you?"

"Yep"

"Fine, but only because I owe you twice."

"Seriously, what are you talking about?"

"The jokes already getting old," Perry said grabbing Candace by the wrist and dragging her out the door with him, "Now, c'mon, Ms. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt."

The door slammed as the two left. The rest of the group sat in the room, silent.

"...Ferb, did you put that camera and mic on Perry," Phineas asked, grinning at the other.

"Yes," Ferb said with a rare smile of mischief, "The deed has been done."

"Isabella, give me your lap-top."

**.**

**.**

**.**

Candace and Perry snuck into the fancy restaurant of which Dr. Doofenshmirtz and his date were at, and hid behind a potted bush. They peered through the decor and saw Dr. Doofenshmirtz and his date talking to the waiter.

"There's that no good dirty skunk sack..." Candace muttered.

Perry sighed. "If Heinz kills me for this, I am going to hunt you down as an unholy living-dead just so I can take you down with me."

"Shush, they'll hear us," Candace scolded.

"And that is why I wear short shorts," the waiter said to the couple, "Sometimes I wish that I was a bird-man in a paralell universe...but then I'd probably hate The Beatles, and I love The Beatles. Well, have fun with your meal," the waiter turned to leave, "Un-named waiter is out. Peace!"

"Well," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, rather happily, "That was nice of him to..." the thought suddenly struck, "Wait! You forgot to take our orders!"

**.**

**.**

**.**

"Okay," Perry said, "We've been watching them for hours, it's almost closing time, and all they've been doing is talking and trying to get the waiters to take their orders."

"Don't forget that they had appetizers," Candace said as if she was making a point.

"You know what," Perry said, "I think you're just jealous that Dr. Doofenshmirtz isn't in love with you like every other guy in the town is. In fact, I think it's a lie that you're even in a relationship."

"What," Candace asked, angrilly.

"I think you were just making Jeremy up so you could seem almighty to the normal human being," Perry stated.

"That doesn't even make any sense," Candace said, "For one thing, not every guy in town likes me; if anything, they're afraid of me because of my mental problems! And another thing, you've seen Jeremy before, twice at least!"

"I'm a skeptic," Perry said crossing his arms.

"That's not a valid argument," Candace exclaimed.

Suddenly, the bushes were opened, and the two made eye contact with a pissed of Dr. Doofenshmirtz. If you hadn't noticed yet, facing an enraged Dr. Doofenshmirtz is a danger to your health. The two stared at him, fearfully.

"Uh," Perry pointed at Candace, "IT WAS HER IDEA!"

"I'm gonna cut to the chase," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said in a voice most unholy...okay, I'm over-exagerating a bit, "Get out, or I'll rip out your inards and feed them to pygmy goats."

**.**

**.**

**.**

If none of you caught ong earlier, back at Phineas and Candace's house, the entire group there had been watching the scene unfold on Isabella's lap top.

"This is what Milky has been waiting for. Yes," Milky said, still being held captive by monkeys.

"I should feel a sense of fear and disdain for the fact that my eldest sibling/guardian is about to be mauled by a doctor," Phineas said, "But, I actually want to see how this ends."

"That is cruel of you," Ferb said, "I am so proud."

**.**

**.**

**.**

"NO PLEASE TAKE HER INSTEAD!"

"I haven't even touched you."

"...Oh...seriously, take her, I didn't do anything wrong this time."

Candace punched Perry hard in the bill.

"OW," Perry moaned.

"You have thirty second to explain why you were spying on me and my date," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "And don't say that it's because you think that she is an assassin, murderer, or salesman."

"Dude, are you psychic," Perry asked before Candace shut his bill closed.

"What made you think that we were spying," Candace asked with a cheesy grin.

"You were hiding behind a potted bush," Dr. Doofenshmirtz stated, "I would think the answer was obvious."

"Uh..."

"You thought you could just sneak in and spy on me while I wasn't looking," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said; he suddenly grabbed Perry and said to his skull, "And don't think I don't know about the camera and mic on Perry's head, you guys!"

**.**

**.**

**.**

The group jumped back in shock as Dr. Doofenshmirtz said this.

"How does he know these things," Cody asked.

**.**

**.**

**.**

"They put a camera on me," Perry asked, "That's pretty creepy."

"That's not the point," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "If you two don't leave now, I will kill you in your sleep."

"What about the inards and pygmy goats thing," Perry asked.

"I'll kill you in your sleep first, then feed your inards to pygmy goats."

"Oh, that makes a lot more sense."

"There's one problem with your plan," Candace said.

"What would that be," Dr. Doofenshmirtz asked.

The other two ran off, to another potted plant. Doofenshmirtz groaned. "I'm surrounded by idiots," he muttered as he walked back to the table.

"That was close," Candace said.

"...Candace, I'm starting to think you're dumber than Cody," Perry said.

"I am not," Candace said, "I panicked, okay?"

"I can still hear you."

"Shut up, Perry," Candace scolded.

"But you were the one who," Perry cut himself off and groaned.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz chuckled. "Sorry about that," he said to his nameless date, "My "friends" are spying on use because of some strange assumtion of you being some assassin salesman sent by the king."

There was a silence for a couple seconds, and then the two began to laugh.

"Oh, that's no problem," The woman said, nodding in understanding, "Considering everything else in this backwater town."

"So, you're okay with me acting up like that?"

"I understand your troubles with your weedy little friends."

"Yes," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said with a nod, "Wait...what did you just call them?"

The woman raised an eyebrow and said, "You don't actually care about them do you?"

"No, it's not that," Dr. Doofenshmirtz answered, "It's just that I feel like I've heard that somewhere before..."

**.**

**.**

**.**

_"...The smoke is being caused by a dragon. And the king has asked me to gather up my, and I quote, __**'weedy little friends' **__so we can handle the problem..."_

**.**

**.**

**.**

_"How are those __**weedy little peasants**__ treating you?"_

**.**

**.**

**.**

_"Huh...If I didn't know better I'd say she's..."_

Okay, since you obviously won't figure this out on your own: the woman you're dating right now is an assissin, murderer, and salesman sent by the king to kill you. In other words, Candace was right about her and you should've listened you jerk.

"...You do realize that she's right in front of me."

Oh...I suppose you heard it too then?

"Yep," the woman answered, looking a bit angry at Heinz, "So, now that the building is empty-."

"The building's empty," Dr. Doofenshmirtz looked around to see that they truly were alone, "Oh, c'mon!"

"-I guess you know what I'm gonna do now than?"

There was a long pause. Dr. Doofenshmirtz chuckled, but then noticed something. "Look! A platypus!"

"I'm not gonna fall for that."

POW! Perry kicked the woman from behind...don't question, just go with it.

And Perry and the woman go into a brutal fist-fight! The woman delivers a crushing left hook! Perry is at a serious height and weight disadvantage!

"Stop fighting and run you crazy beaver duck," Candace yelled as she came out of her hiding spot.

Perry doesn't listen and continues to try to beat up the woman. Dr. Doofenshmirtz and Candace on the other hand begin running like their lives depended on it, which it did. However, they came to a stop when the doors were suddenly locked shut.

"Okay, now you're just doing that on purpose," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said.

Well, it's your fault for having a Magician for your date.

"She's a what," Candace exclaimed.

"I probably should've thought this through," Dr. Doofenshmirtz admitted.

"So these doors, they're being locked by that woman's magic," Candace asked, "Can this get any worse?"

Perry was thrown at the door that Dr. Doofenshmirtz and Candace were at, and slid to the ground. The woman grinned wickedly and said, "Enough of this! I'll skip the monologue and go straight to the part where I kill you!"

"Why does everyone want to kill me," Dr. Doofenshmirtz asked.

"Well, you are heir to the throne," Perry said.

"So why does my father want to kill me?"

"Because Roger's better?"

"I hate you."

"Well, actually, no," the woman said, "I don't think that the king even knows Roger exsists."

"What," Dr. Doofenshmirtz asked, "But he's the mayor of Danville. He even sends him postcards from there all the time."

"Well," the woman said, albeit awkwardly, "When I last saw him, he seemed a little...occupied with trying to please his god or whatever."

**.**

**.**

**.**

_"My lord, would you like a shoulder rub? Back massage? Manacure? Peticure? Some other word that ends with cure?"_

**.**

**.**

**.**

"And the weird thing is it was just a giant floating skull," the woman went on, "So he couldn't even have any of the stuff he mentioned."

"Wait, what do you mean the king's god," Perry asked.

"Ignore that," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "I'm sure it's not the least bit important."

"Well, no matter," the woman went on, "Even though I get paid minimal wages for this, I'm still going to enjoy killing you all very slowly."

"Why do you even serve the king?"

"That's easy," the woman said, "He's the king."

"There has to be another good reason for trying to kill someone who possibly holds the fate of everyone's future," Candace stated.

"Because...because," the woman trailed off, "...You know what? I don't even give a crud anymore. I'll just kill you to releabve my inner rage that's been building up for years from serving people of a lower mentallity rate than myself."

The three stared.

"That's not a good reason to kill someone," Perry said.

"Still don't care," the woman said, getting out a sword made from pure energy.

"What kind of energy?"

Energy, energy!

"The worst kind!"

"Perry, stop talking to the narrator and help me try to unlock this door," Candace ordered.

"It's being locked with magic," Dr. Doofenshmirtz yelled, "How can you unlock magic?"

Suddenly, the door was blown opened, knocking the three to the ground and shocking the woman into jumping back. The smoke cleared and revealed Cody, holding his hands up, looking at the woman with a look of seriousness. Everyone else was also with him, trying to stay as far away from him as possible. Everyone except Milky, who was nowhere to be found.

"You," he said to the woman, "I am going to wreck havoc down the throat of which you speak."

"We tried to stop him," Phineas said, "But he was just too powerful."

"He was too powerful," Dr. Doofenshmirtz repeated, "First I'm wrong and now this? My world is crumbling!"

"Cody, your rage...do you know that woman," Candace asked.

"Yes," Cody said, "It was a long time ago...back in school."

"You're a teenager," Isabella pointed out.

"I'm also a prodigy student."

"Oh my gosh," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, tempted to lose all the sanity that he had from hearing this.

"But, why do you hate her so much," Perry asked.

"She comitted an unholy act that defiles the heavens themselves," Cody answered, "She...burnt...my...socks."

"...You want to kill her," Ferb said, "Because she burnt your socks?"

"Correct," Cody stated, "And now, I shall kill this unholy demon once and for all!"

"I'm not the woman," the woman said, "He is," she pointed at Dr. Doofenshmirtz, who laughed at her.

"Oh, please, not even Cody's that stupid."

Cody suddenly attacked Dr. Doofenshmirtz, who screamed in pain. Candace and Perry both tried to pry him off, and ended up succeeding. "You idiot," Perry yelled.

"Thank you," Cody grinned only to get punched in the face by Dr. Doofenshmirtz.

"By the way," Candace said, "How'd you guys get here so quickly?"

"I kind of jacked your car," Phineas said.

"You what?"

"Jeffery," the woman suddenly said.

"...Jefferey," everyone asked in unison.

"Come out, Jeffery!"

Evil laughter was heard from all around. Suddenly, a giant, black phoenix with a demonic squid for a head bursted in through the ceiling. Everyone took cover under tha tables as the debris fell to the ground. The group crawled out from under to see the beast now being ridden by the woman.

_**"MUWAHAHAHA," **_The beast laughed, _**"From the burning depths of the unholy realm I have arrived! With the sorrow of a thousand souls I shall inflict thy with despair and pain. The end has come and it is ME! Behold you fools: I AM JEFFERY!"**_

"Oh, crud, we're doomed," Phineas cried, "Ferb, what'll we do?"

"...How dare you."

"Uh...Ferb?"

"How dare such a bird appear into the realm of which I am to rule and lay claim to be an unholy beast."

"Ferb, are you okay?"

"Well now you shall deal with me," Ferb said walking over to the being menancingly, "And all the powers of-!"

The walls were broken down. All eyes turned to the carnage. Revealed was an army of...monkeys? Everyone stared in horror at first, until Milky appeared infront of the army. Then they all started to panic.

"Fear not, filthy worms, for Milky has come to save the day for once! Yes," Milky said, having been revealed to now be leader of the ones who tried to tear her apart, "MONKEY ARMY! ATTACK! Yes."

The monkeys leaped onto the bird-squid, covering it's entire body. The monkeys also managed to tackle the woman off of the unholy demon, and began to pull at her hair. The group stared as Milky let out a battle cry and joined the attack. Everyone for once began cheering for the psychotic pastry chef, until...

_**"Self destruct sequence activated..."**_

"...Uh oh. Yes."

**.**

**.**

**.**

The group watched as the bulding errupted into a wave of flames from a safe distance. Candace glared at Milky and said, "Wait to go. That's the fourth building you've burned down this week."

"Give her some slack," Isabella said, "She did inevitably save us from certain death~."

"No," Candace said, "Technically, she saved Heinz from certain death."

"That's a good thing," Isabella said, "Well, for you at least~."

Dr. Doofenshmirtz stared at the flames, rather depressed. Perry walked over to him and said, "I'm sorry that it didn't turn out so well."

"I should've known that no woman would ever dare go out with me without working for someone who wants to kill me," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said.

"That's not true," Perry said patting Heinz on the knee, "I'm sure that one day-."

"Don't touch me."

"...B-but Dr. D-."

"Please," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said darkly, "You are making me feel very awkward."

Perry hesitantly obeyed. Then, after a long silence, Perry huffed, began walking away and said, "I'm going home."

Everyone else soon followed, while Candace went over to Dr. Doofenshmirtz, saying, "Well, that was traumatizing."

"Yes," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "Yes it was. I think I'm gonna go home to read a book and forget everything."

"I'm gonna make my brother make an amnesia ray," Candace stated, "Until then, we shall never speak of this again."

"Agreed."

"Well," Candace coughed awkwardly, "I guess we should be going then?"

"Uh, yeah," Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "We probably should."

"C'mon Phineas," Candace said to her now worried brother, "Forget about the building. If we leave now, the cops will never know."

"That's not it, Candace," Phineas said, turning to the other two, "Ferb's missing."

"What," Candace asked, "I thought he was with you!"

"Where could he have gone," Dr. Doofenshmirtz wondered.

**.**

**.**

**.**

Ferb and the woman were off in a plain, holding hands, and skipping into the random horizon.

"I am a normal human being and we are a normal human couple."

...I am genuinely disturbed...no wonder they keep me around.

**[The End]**

**A/N:**

**Man, I worked on this for days. I am obviously not used to parodying romances. Aw well, it was a great challenge anyway. I hope you all liked it. :3**


	8. Corndog, Corndog, Yummy Yummy Yummy

**Sorry this took so long to make. Alright, what matters is that the next of this is made...man, I am running out of clever jokes to say. I need to step up my game; TO THE INTERNET!**

**Ivy: You're on the internet.**

**That's what they want you to think.**

**Ivy: You're such a weirdo.**

**Anyways, hope you guys like it. :3**

**Enjoy. :D**

**P/F/P/F**

**Corndog, Corndog, Yummy-Yummy-Yummy**

**Requested by: PlatyborgtoShadowlytes**

It was about a few months after the dating incident and everything had seemingly turned back to normal. Well, as normal as the town of Danville could get, anyway. However, A few weeks after the incident, during a meeting held by Candace (who was saying that there may be more assassins), Perry said some unriotous comments during the time, some people came, I think you can pretty much sum up what happened.

"So," Doofenshmirtz said as he and Perry, who looked pretty guilty, were strolling over to Milky's bakery/The Johnson's, "Today's a nice day and I'm ready for the bad news. How much did you talk, and how deep are we in with the king?"

"What do you mean how much did I tell them," Perry exclaimed, "They took me to Room 101! I told them everything! I admitted to the things you didn't do. They asked me if you were secretly working for LOVEMUFFIN, I told them yes. If you weren't already on a list you're definatly are on one now."

"Wait," Doofenshmirtz stated looking among the town; it was deserted, "Don't you think the town seems a bit derelict today?"

"WHO CARES? You're working for LOVEMUFFIN now, doesn't that mean anything to you?"

Doofenshmirtz raised an eye the the panicking platypus. "Did you even try to resist," he asked.

"Nay," Perry answered, "They threaten you with tiny hammers!"

"Wow," Doofenshmirtz chuckled, "Suck it up."

Perry glared up at the man before they reached Milky's bakery. The lights inside were off, while Milky raised her arm outside the door wiggling it.

"So," Milky said, "Word on the street says you are now working for LOVEMUFFIN...AREN'T YOU? Yes."

"What the heck are you doing, Milky," Doofenshmirtz asked.

"I am not Milky," the arm wiggled like a noodle, "I am just a friendly jumpy clothed worm who knows all about the art of DEFECTION! Yes. Also, you are a worm. There is nothing illegal about talking to worms; and talking to worms about Seperatism is not treason BECAUSE WORMS ARE NOT CITIZENS! Yes."

"Knock it off, Milky," a voice that belonged to Candace exclaimed.

The arm was immediately pulled back after Milky struggled to keep her winking and nudging on before anyone noticed. Doofenshmirtz rolled his eyes and walked into the bakery followed by Perry. The lights were off, but the blinds were opened, giving them at least some way of seeing those in the room: Candace was holding Milky back with all of her strength, Cody was staring at a mirror, and Phineas and Isabella were staring out a closed window.

"Why are the lights off," Doofenshmirtz asked, "Wait, are you all apart of Milky's crazy schemes?"

"No," Candace answered, "We're here because Ferb told us to."

"It's the time of month again," Phineas explained.

"I'm sorry, what," Doofenshmirtz asked walking over to Phineas and Isabella.

Phineas and Isabella both sighed deeply. "Every once a month, Ferb goes and tells everyone to stay indoors," Phineas explains, "He never explains why, but we listen anyway because one, he's our friend and two, everyone is pretty much afraid of what he'll do if we don't listen."

"He did kill a dragon by staring," Perry shuddered, "That was a horrifying sight. I almost felt sorry for that beast."

"Anyways," Isabella said, "While we're all inside, he goes to the middle of the town and digs...we don't know what the purpose is, he doesn't leave with anything, he just digs~. And there he is, digging~."

"Well, what is he digging for," Doofenshmirtz asked.

"We just told you that we didn't know," Phineas said with a shrug.

"Well, is he being a moron or something," Doofenshmirtz asked.

"He's being ridiculously stupid," Isabella admitted, "And he's ugly~."

"I, never, asked about how he looked," Doofenshmirtz said.

"Guys, I'm bored," Cody said, "You wanna hear about this sweet loop I did?"

"Okay, tell us," Doofenshmirtz said, a hint of sarcasm in his voice, "All eyes on Cody, he's gonna tell us about a sweet loop he did."

Everyone turned to Cody who simply smiled and said, "Well, I did a loop."

"And..." Doofenshmirtz said, urging him to finish before his patience in the other's intelligence depleeted.

"Well, it was pretty fast I guess," Cody shrugged.

"Thank you, Cody, for wasting everyone's time," Doofenshmirtz said, "Give him a hand, folks."

Everyone, of course, ignored him. Then again, Doofenshmirtz didn't even care, nor did he expect anything different.

"I say we run him out of town! Yes," Milky yelled, having already been freed from Candace's grip.

"Why," Doofenshmirtz asked, "He's just digging. Sure he forced everyone inside their homes, but I don't see what the problem is."

"He discriminates Milky! Yes," Milky answered.

"I hear he's an evil witch," Candace stated.

"Don't you mean warlock," Doofenshmirtz asked.

"Really," Cody asked, "We should steal his pot of gold!"

"I think you're thinking about leperchauns, Cody," Candace corrected.

"No, he's talking about lep_re_chauns," Doofenshmirtz corrected, "a leper Khan would be like some Mongolian leper war-chief, and that's stupid."

"_You're _stupid," Candace exclaimed, earning a smirk from the other, "You knew what I meant!"

"Candace, you can't believe in gossip," Phineas said, "Besides, sorcery is illegal in the Tri-State Area. If anything, he's a Magician like Cody."

"KEEP CONTROL OF YOU HIDEOUS SPAWN," Milky screamed in Candace's face.

"Uh..." Candace slowly backed away, when suddenly-.

_BOOM!_

Everyone's attention averted to the window, as Ferb was suddenly crashing through it, landing on top of Phineas and Isabella, who were aomehow unscathed (although pieces of glass were in Isabella's hair). Ferb quickly shook his head, and his dazed expression turned to a look of panic as he said, "IF ANYONE ASKS, THIS IS NORMAL!"

"What are you," before Doofenshmirtz could ask, the ground began shaking. Giant fissures began forming, and everyone peering through their windows began to scream, even those at the bakery.

"WHAT DID YOU DO," Doofenshmirtz exclaimed before another giant fissure appeared, tearing the walls, and opened almost immediately under the group, sending them all falling into a black abyss.

Cody, in a wave of panic, attempted to levitate them with his magic, but failed, and only caused them to fall faster.

"If we die, you can't continue this precise story of yours," Candace warned.

Sheesh, shut up will you! I'm getting to that...

The group were about to land to their deaths, they were suddenly being levitated, though not by any force of Cody's. They all looked up to see none other than Kayla and Ivy, who had suddenly appeared.

"Kayla, Ivy," Phineas said, "How did you-?"

"NO TIME," Ivy screamed as rubble from the ceiling began to fall, "DON'T DISTRACT HER, OR YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!"

_**Death is no laughing matter!**_

"SHUT UP!"

This act did not stop the earthquake, and ad the rubble fell, Ivy made an act of stupidity/panic by puching Kayla away, causing both of them to fall. The group, luckily, landed safely on the ground due to Kayla levitating them just in time. Unfortunately, for Doofenshmirtz, he was used as a cushion for Kayla and Ivy once they landed on him. Screams of pain were heard that day.

"Ugh," Candace groaned, "What the heck happened? Is everyone alright?"

"I'm fine," Phineas said before glancing over to Doofenshmirtz, "I'm not so sure about Dr. D."

"How are you two heavy," Doofenshmirtz groaned.

Milky suddenly leaped at Ferb, who gasped in horror and shock as she began shaking him like a rag doll. "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS," Milky exclaimed.

Isabella let out a small gasp as she got up from the ground. "Guys, look," she said pointing ahead.

Everyone looked and became jaw-dropped, except Doofenshmirtz, who was still wincing in pain, begging those on top of him to get off. In front of them, though no one could explain how, was a giant forest. Once Doofenshmirtz got up to notice this, his eyes dulled as he said, "You have _got_ to be kidding me."

"Yes," Ferb snickered as he pushed Milky off of him, "I've finally done it!"

"Done what," Doofenshmirtz asked, completely unimpressed.

"It, of course," Ferb said begining to walk towards the forest.

"Did what," Doofenshmirtz exclaimed before the green haired child disappeared into the forest, "I swear, this is just getting ridiculous!"

"Well, there's only one way to find out what in the world he's caused," Phineas said as he began to walk where Ferb was supposedly headed, "You guys' coming?"

The others followed, leaving Doofenshmirtz to sigh and follow merely because he had nothing else planned for the day.

**.**

**.**

**.**

They eventually caught up with Ferb, who didn't seem to pay any attention to them what so ever until Phineas tried to get his attention.

"Uh, Ferb," Phineas said.

"Not now," Ferb said, "I am doing something...normally important."

"O-kay," Phineas said, "What exactly is it that you're doing?"

Ferb suddenly turned to the group, causing all motion to stop. "I am on a quest," Ferb explained, "You see, in my kind-."

"You mean, heritage, right," Isabella asked.

"Erm...yes," Ferb nodded, "In my heritage, it has been passed down of a special relic that can call anyone by name. I have been sick and tired of everyone one including," Ferb roughly jabbed a finger in Doofenshmirtz's chest, "YOU," Doofenshmirtz backed away as Ferb continued, "Forgetting my names, so I plan to find which name truly belongs to me."

"Is that what the whole digging thing was about," Perry asked, "To find some relic?"

"Actually, I just do that because it's a hobby," Ferb explained, "But I have been searching for this said underground forest: Ondergrondse Bos."

"Wow," Phineas said in awe, "What does that mean?"

"Underground Forest," Ferb answered.

"They really nailed that name," Doofenshmirtz muttered.

"What is this relic," Candace asked.

"No one knows what it looks like," Ferb answered.

"Well then, how do you know it even exsists," Doofenshmirtz asked.

"Dr. D, sometimes certain facts are discovered merely by faith," Phineas said.

"Oh, sure," Doofenshmirtz said sarcastically, "And I suppose I can find my way out of a dark cave by keeping my eyes and ears closed."

"That's not faith, that's just stupid," Phineas said earning a glare from Doofenshmirtz.

"_You're_ stupid, you know what I mean," Doofenshmirtz said as the other glared.

"Already a deja vu," Candace wondered.

Yeah, to be honest I'm running out of jokes.

"Well, how do we find this relic," Ivy asked, probably just as skeptic as Doofenshmirtz.

"I've examined the perimiter, and plan to follow my theories and multiplication answers to find the temple of which the relic lies."

Everyone stared.

"You have no idea where you're going, do you~?"

"Not a clue," Ferb admitted, "I'll just have to wing it. I mean the rest of you have done the same and have lucked out before. I'm sure I can too."

Ferb began walking ahead of the group while everyone just simply stared blankly.

"Well, I'm going home," Doofenshmirtz said.

"You can't," Perry said.

"Why not?"

"This story is centered around Ferb. And besides, this story was requested, we can't just back out. We'll make the narrator look like a jerk."

"So?"

"...She controls you..."

"...Ah, touche, platypus."

**.**

**.**

**.**

The forest itself looked like another world, far from underground that's for sure. Above was the sky, with no signs of the fissure. Unfortunately, this meant that there was no way out, and that they had no choice but to find this relic. Who knows? Maybe they would be able to get out by using it. The group began climbing up a cliffside that was also formed during the earthquake. Ferb stated that the temple was on the top of the

"Ugh, I wish we had a map," Perry said.

"You choose to say that now, after three hours," Isabella asked.

"You're stupid, you knew what I meant!"

"I never said you were stupid~. Now you're just sounding like an idiot~."

"Well now you called me stupid, and that is an outrage!"

"Will somebody shut those two up," Ferb yelled, "I am trying to consentrate!"

"You're just staring off into space," Doofenshmirtz stated.

"Quiet you," Ferb hissed before moving ahead of the others once more.

The rest of the group came to a stop, wanting a break from hours of searching for the said temple that may or may not exsist.

"So," Phineas said, "None of you have ever heard of this place other than Ferb?"

"I have heard of this place," Milky claimed, "Mere rumors, though. Yes."

"And Milky told me about them," Cody said, "And about the demonic beings that live here."

"Demonic beings," Kayla asked.

"They're the ghosts of this forest," Cody said with a slight snicker, "And they say-."

"Knock it off, Cody," Phineas said, showing no sign of fear just like everyone else.

"They take humans who enter this forest, and cut, them, UP!"

More cracks were heard, most likely from the fissures. Ferb, who had noticed the others weren't following, had also taken a break, not far from the others. Right when he heard the cracks he went back to see what was happening, when the cliffside broke, sending them all falling once again.

"THIS ISN'T FUNNY, YOU KNOW," Ivy screamed, "IT'S JUST STUPID!"

You're stupid! You knew what I meant!

"Uh...no I don't," Ivy said.

Oh, um, well...I'M RUNNING OUT OF IDEAS!

"Well, if the narrator's out of ideas, then we're pretty much screwed," Phineas said.

NO! I can think of something! Just SHUT UP FOR A MOMENT!

**.**

**.**

**.**

**Dr. Doofenshmirtz:** "This is gonna take a while."

**Phineas: **Wow, the narrator really is out of ideas if we're talking in script form without it even being in a dream sequence.

**Cody: **Hey. I know how to pass the time.

**Dr. Doofenshmirtz: **Please tell me you're not gonna sing.

**Cody: **I never got a turn. :(

**Dr. Doofenshmirtz: **...Are you making emoticons?

**Phineas: **We can do that? COOL! Let me try! :3

**Dr. Doofenshmirtz: **NO! You'll influence everyone else!

**Kayla: **My turn! XD

**Dr. Doofenshmirtz: **I hate you all...

**Isabella: **Me next~! d(-\\\)b

**Perry: **Oo, I got one! d(^_^)b

**Isabella: **Yours was just another version of mine.

**Perry: **SHADDUP! DX

**Phineas: **Ferb, you try!

**Ferb: **Well, since it is normal... :)

**Phineas: **Now you Dr. D!

**Dr. Doofenshmirtz: **No.

**Candace: **Face it, Phineas. Doof is a fun-sucker.

**Dr. Doofenshmirtz: **That sounded like it was a bad thing.

**Candace: **...(-.-)

**Milky: **GUTFYXJGXZSWRZAHVUKGFYRXCHVK UGUV!

**Dr. Doofenshmirtz: **?_?

**Milky: **HA! I got you to do it! Yes.

**Dr. Doofenshmirtz: **Shut up...

**Cody: **Can I sing now?

**Dr. Doofenshmirtz:**...Fine. I honestly don't care anymore.

**Cody: **:D

**Dr. Doofenshmirtz: **STOP DOING THAT!

**.**

**.**

**.**

**Cody: **_**Hey hello there, Auburn Lady**_

_**I was thinking you would maybe**_

_**Might you like to be my baby?**_

_**It's okay, I'm fine with waiting!**_

_**But if you are feeling sour**_

_**I could pick for you some flowers.**_

_**There's no point in being dour**_

_**You and I can pass the hours!**_

_**We could play a game together**_

_**Outside in the lovely weather!**_

_**I don't mind, my time's not tethered**_

_**By your side until you're better!**_

_**Life is lovely with a lover**_

_**Even when we cause you trouble.**_

_**We'll be happy with each other**_

_**Just forgive my tiny bumbles.**_

_**'Side from being slightly clumsy**_

_**Smiling makes my heart thump funny.**_

_**Butterflies dance in my tummy**_

_**Do you think you'd like to hug me?**_

**(~)**

**I presume that you're so pretty**

**I can't stop but acting silly.**

**Everything you do is thrilling**

**Hark to you my heart is willing!**

**Let's go on a fun adventure**

**I'm an up and go go-getter!**

**Roam around in free-form dither**

**Never be a moment bitter.**

**I'll follow you to magic places!**

**Right behind you in your paces!**

**Snuggle in our sweet embraces**

**Dote upon each others' graces!**

**I like you from your head to toesies**

**I want nothing more than knowing**

**This is what I've been imploring**

**That you'll be right there before me.**

**Auburn Lady you're so special**

**Find your laughing face essential**

**Don't like to get existential**

**But it does seem providential!**

**.**

**.**

**.**

I'VE GOT IT!

**.**

**.**

**.**

The group lands safely, except for Doofenshmitz.

"You really hate me, don't you," Doofenshmirtz said.

No, actually, you're my favorite character of the original show, along side Phineas.

Phineas waves.

"Then why do you constantly cause me pain," Doofenshmirtz asked.

...BWAHAHHAHAHAHAAAA!

"I fail to find any humor in this."

Oh, don't you see, Heinz? Fangirls like me show their love to their favorite characters by mercilessly inflicting horrible, unspeakable pain to them.

"Uh..."

It's a thing called "tough love"; something we're very good at.

"We? There's more of you," Perry asked.

You know too much already. You're lucky I can't kill you...yet.

Perry stared in horror.

HA HA, just kidding...but seriously, don't ask anymore.

So anyways, as I was saying, the group lands in a gorilla bar.

"Seriously," Doofenshmirtz asked as a monkey offered him a drink.

Well, that's what's in the forest, bats and gorillas.

"What the heck does that have to do with anything," Isabella asked.

Okay, look, don't judge me, this is all I could think of.

"May I make a normal, human suggestion," Ferb asked.

Uh...

"May I, or not?"

I guess you can.

"Can't you simply teleport us to the temple of which the relic lies?"

...Oh my gosh. Is it really that simple?

"I think it is."

Okay then!

Everyone is suddenly teleported in front of the said temple of which was spoken of before.

"That would've been a lot easier had you done it before," Ivy said.

SHADDUP!

"Well, what now," Phineas asked.

"We go into the temple," Ferb answered.

"Why didn't the narrator just teleport us into the temple," Candace asked.

Ohohoho, now Candace. That wouldn't be fun at all, now would it?

"Wait, what do you-?"

**.**

**.**

**.**

Inside the central part of the entire temple, the entire gang lied on the floor, albiet exhausted, injured, and/or horrified.

"There wasn't anything fun about that at all," Perry whimpered.

"Ferb, I thought we talked about using Doofenshmirtz as a shield," Phineas said.

With that being said, Doofenshmirtz was completely unconscious on the ground.

"I'm not unconscious," Doofenshmirtz said, "Though I can't feel my limbs, so you were close."

Ferb frowned. "I was so close, too," Ferb muttered.

"...Wait," Doofenshmirtz said, "That was intentional?"

_[PAUSE]_

For those of you who don't know, Doofenshmirtz has no idea that Ferb is trying to kill him. What, you assumed he knew everything just because he's the only one with commonsense in this? Remember the last chapter? Yeah, the one with the psycho date? Yeah, that's what I thought.

_[PLAY]_

"I'll never tell," Ferb answered with a smirk, " Now, let us see what this relic truly..."

Ferb's eyes widened at the pedastal in front of them...well, not merely the pedastal, but what was on it, covered in glass. Everyone else rose to stare at its magnificence.

"It's beautiful," Isabella said.

"It's amazing," Perry said.

"Its...it's a corndog," Phineas said completely dumbfounded.

Inside the glass container atop the pedastal was indeed a corndog, the actually food being made of gold, while the stick, which stood upright for all to see. Everyone seemed impressed by this...except for Doofenshmirtz, who merely twitched.

"WHAT," Doofenshmirtz exclaimed angrilly, earning glances from the rest, "ALL THAT TROUBLE WE WENT THROUGH, AND WE FIND OUT THAT THE RELIC OF WHICH KNOWS ALL NAMES IS A CORNDOG?"

"Well, in the narrator's defense, the title does seem to give it away," Phineas said with a shrug.

"IT'S A CORNDOG," Doofenshmirtz said, "THAT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY! IT'S NOT EVEN CLEVER!"

But your reaction is hilarious!

"You're not helping," Candace said.

Your comment is invalid.

As Phineas and Candace tried to calm the enraged Dr. Doofenshmirtz down, Ferb went over to the pedastal, followed by the others. Ferb removed the glass and threw it to the side, letting it shatter on the ground.

"So, how does this thing even work," Isabella asked.

"I read that it works sort of like a magic lamp," Ferb explained, "I think I have to rub it."

Ferb picked up the relic and began rubbing the golden part.

Cody snickered. "Do you know what it looks like you're doing right now," he asked.

"Shut up," Ferb retorted, "Just, shut, up."

And like that, the relic began to glow, which grasped everyone's attention...I mean it. No exceptions this time.

The gold and silver corndog began floating in the air. No one was sure whether to be afraid, amazed, or completely dumbfounded by the utter stupidty of it all. Then again, this was normal compared to what happened during the sky divi-.

"GAAH! Find my happy place, happy place..." Phineas rubbed his temples, squeezing his eyes shut, trying to force the memory out of his brain.

You can never mention that in front of him, can you?

"I know, right," Doofenshmirtz asked.

The relic said not a word...I mean, c'mon, it's a corndog. That'd be way too cree-.

_**"I am the corndog genie. I shall grant you three wishes."**_

...

"...Uh, narrator," Ferb asked.

...Go home.

"But-."

I said, go home.

"But I need to know my normal human name!"

You wanna know your name, Ferb? FINE! It's Frank. Now go home now, before I make you!

"Uh," Perry said hesitantly, "We're kinda stuck here~."

UGH!

The group is teleported back to their original homes; everyone lives happily ever after...except Doofenshmirtz.

"OH C'MON!"

**.**

**.**

**.**

[The End]

"I can't believe you ended it there," a boy with lightish brown hair said, before getting his hair out of his eyes.

When the corndog starts talkin, it's time to give up.

The boy merely said, "Words to live by."

**A/N:**

**And here you go! :3**

**I hope none of you were disappointed; especially you, PlatyborgtoShadowlytes. This is less funnier than I usually make it...in my opinion.**

**So, anyways, if you wanna know who that boy at the end is, read the reviews to find out. He is a fan-character, who will be featured in the next story...which I will be making.**

**Now, the next story is the ninth chapter; after that chapter, I will be posting a chapter filled with drabbles of complete and utter nonsense. Just give me a word, and the characters you want me to use...or just a word. I'll need about ten to thirty words to make the drabbles.**

**After that, I will not be excepting requests until the end of my next...project. You are probably wondering what that is...I am making a Halloween special for this. It will be the first special of this series, and I will go more into detail with it in the drabble chapter.**

**Anyways, I hope you enjoyed. :3**


	9. One Word Requests (1)

**I am so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, SOOOOOOOOO sorry. I am a complete and utter dooshbag!**

**First off, Resisting the Borg, if you haven't already read the PM I sent you, I am delaying your request until after the one-word-requests and Halloween special.**

**Second, I don't think I'll be able to update the special until after Halloween. Yeah, I feel like a low-life p**** right now.**

**Anyways, I'm gonna do my best to do all of these one-word requests now. I hope I don't disappoint you all like I probably just did now.**

**Enjoy...*nervous gulp***

**P/F/P/F**

**Jellybeans**

"Hey, Doofus!"

"Don't call me that, Perry."

"Whatever. What's this?"

"..."

"Doofenshmirtz?"

"Please throw that away."

"What? It's just a toy rabbit...with a hole on its-."

"I SAID THROW IT AWAY!"

**(~)**

**PlatyborgstoShadowlytes**

One day, Perry was in a coffee shop. No one asked why, because, you know, they didn't care. Suddenly, Phineas comes in and says:

"...What?"

Your line, you idiot!

"Huh...oh! Hey Perry, you ever heard of Wanted: Dead or Destroyed?"

"Yes. It stinks and so does the author who made it."

_***We are expiriencing some technical difficulties. Please hold***_

**.**

**.**

**.**

_***We're back!***_

"No. I have not, Phineas," Perry said with a grin (that was not one bit nervous), "Nor am I sure that I want to."

_***Apparrently we're expiriencing more technical difficulties. Please hold***_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_***We're back!***_

"No. I have not, Phineas," Perry said with a grin (that was not one bit nervous, nor was it even more nervous than the last time), "But I'm sure I would LOVE to read it."

Yes, and you both are going to read that story, aren't you?

"Uh..." Perry and Phineas gave each other glances.

_**AREN'T YOU?**_

"YES! YES WE ARE!" Perry and Phineas both shouted happily (and of course, not out of fear; and they certainly weren't clinging to each other).

Good. It's a good fic..._**we don't bash good fics, now do we?**_

"No, no we don't."

Go read "Wanted: Dead or Destroyed" by PlatyborgstoShadowlytes today! And if you don't, _**you'll be sorry!**_

**(~)**

**Singing**

**Cody: **_This is the song that doesn't end_

_Yes it goes on and on my friend_

_Some people, started singing it, not knowing what it was_

_And they'll continue singing it forever just because_

Doofenshmirtz walked into the room, at the worst possible time.

**Cody: **_This is the song that doesn't end_

"Oh no," Doofenshmirtz said, trying to run to the door, only for it to be locked, "I strongly dislike your kind, narrator!"

**Cody: **_Yes it goes on and on my friend_

_Some people, started singing it, not knowing what it was_

"Cody, please, shut up," Doofenshmirtz yelled

**Cody: **_And they'll continue singing it forever just because_

_This is the song that doesn't end_

"How do I turn you off," Doofenshmirtz asked as he litterally began looking for an off-switch on Cody. Surely this boy is no human being (or so he wishes).

**Cody: **_Yes it goes on and on my friend_

_Some people, started singing it, not knowing what it was_

_And they'll continue singing it forever just because_

"Okay, I get it," Doofenshmirtz said, "This is funny, ha-ha, now please leave my room."

**Cody: **_This is the song that doesn't end_

_Yes it goes on and on my friend_

_Some people, started singing it, not knowing what it was_

"Okay, I've had enough of it," Doofenshmirtz exclaimed, "You can leave now!"

**Cody: **_And they'll continue singing it forever just because_

_This is the song that doesn't end_

Doofenshmirtz walked out of the room.

**Cody: **_Yes it goes on and on my friend_

_Some people, started singing it, not knowing what it was_

_And they'll continue-!_

***click***

Cody jumped out the window screaming while Doofenshmirtz snickered. "I knew this rifle would come in handy one day."

**(~)**

**Pencils**

There was a reason why no one trusted Milky with anything: she was a complete and utter psychopath. Not to mention that she tried to poison the town several times. But enough about that. This involves Phineas. You see, he was sketching some blueprints, when-.

"Phineas, what are you doing? Yes."

How dare you not let me finish you-!

"Drawing some sketches for some inventions I've thought up," Phineas said.

Milky grabbed one of Phineas's pencils, looking at it with curiosity.

"What is this contraption? Yes," she asked; apparrentlly, she's used one too many pens in her life.

Phineas stared. "That's a pencil, Milky," Phineas said, "You've never seen one before?"

"I have," Milky retorted, "But what does this have to do with sunlight? Yes."

"Sunlight...oh," Phineas said, "No, not _that _kind of pencil. This pencil is used to draw with."

Milky stared at the pencil, then back at Phineas, then back at the pencil...and then suddenly proceeded to grab the boy and began stabbing him in the gut with it.

"OW! What are you doing," Phineas exclaimed.

"Extracting your organic tissue! Yes," Milky laughed madly.

"NOT THAT KIND OF PENCIL," Phineas exclaimed.

And she couldn't care less.

**(~)**

**Glass**

One day, Ferb, Cody, and Milky found some very sharp glass. It did not end well. The End!

"Oh, no, no, no, Ms. Narrator. I'm sure they'd love to hear what happened. Yes."

Well, okay Milky. It all started in an alley. How pleasant.

"What are these strange contraptions," Ferb asked (don't that sound familliar) pointing to a pile of broken glass.

"The narrator said that it's glass," Cody said, "What should we do with it."

"Let's bake some cupcakes with it," Milky exclaimed.

"...Okay," Cody said.

"I declare that this cannot go wrong," Ferb insisted.

Where have I heard that one before?

"Shut up! I'm normal!"

So they took it back to Milky's place, and put them in Milky's recipe. Milky served them to the entire town. This time, they not only got poisoned, but also got their throats cut.

"I ate them too," Milky said, blood drooling down her mouth, "To avoid suspicion."

Now you're all wondering what happened with Ferb and Cody. Well, they still had some of the glass and decided to throw them at each other...Ferb won. And he used to glass to try to stab Dr. D in the back only to fail miserably. What are the odds of him actually wearing a pain-proof coat today of all days?

"I hate you, narrator," Ferb exclaimed.

**(~)**

**Assassination**

No one knew exactly why Ferb wanted to kill Doofenshmirtz. The only ones who asked were Phineas and Isabella, and neither of them ever got a real answer. He simply changed the subject and they went on with their lives. This used to be a problem, however, and at one point was no laughing matter.

Doofenshmirtz was simply taking a stroll to the Johnson's doing his daily Milky rounds, when suddenly he heard Candace screaming for him. The next thing he knew, was that he was a bloody mess under an old run down car. Alive, but a bloody mess. The medics came, along with all of Doofenshmirtz's annoying friends. The medics asked who the driver was. As it turns out, no one was in the car, so no one knew who could have done this.

"Hey," Perry said as Doofenshmirtz was being taken to the hospital, "Where's Ferb?"

Meanwhile, Ferb was grumbling at the scene. "So close, yet so far."

**(~)**

**Die**

"Ugh...Where am I...Perry, is that you?"

"Hey, Dr. D. You've been asleep."

"So, I didn't go to the Johnson's?"

"No, you've just been asleep...for a week...and three hours...and seventeen minutes...and thirty-one seconds."

"What happened?"

"You got hit by a car."

"That would explain the pain and obvious brain damage...and obvious brain damage...and obvious brain damage..."

"...Uh..."

"Hey, Perry, when did you get here?"

"You're worse than I thought! I'll go get the nurse. Oh, and Doofenshmirtz?"

"Yes?"

"You ever die on me and I'll ressurect you just so I can kill you again."

**(~)**

**Lava**

One day, Doofenshmirtz was having a normal, peaceful, quiet-.

"Hey, Doofenshmirtz," Perry exclaimed joyfully, "You wanna play a game?"

"No."

"The floor is lava!"

Doofenshmirtz was just about ready to facepalm. "Perry the Platypus, get off that table."

Perry sighed in relief. "I'm safe."

"We put food on there," Doofenshmirtz yelled.

"Doofenshmirtz," Perry exclaimed fearfully, "You're dying!"

"No I am not," Doofenshmirtz said, "And quite frankly, if you don't get off this table, you'll be the one dying."

"The lava! It's eating you! Look at it!"

"Perry, if you don't get off that-."

Perry leaped over Doofenshmirtz. As the man turned, his eyes widened.

"Oh, now you're standing on the counter," Doofenshmirtz exclaimed, "That's where we cook and stuff!"

"The lava is turning Doofenshmirtz into a mad-man," Perry shouted to no one in particular, "Save yourselves!"

"Perry, what are you-?"

"Hey, everyone," Phineas said entering the kitchen, "What's going on here? The door was unlocked, so I-."

"THE FLOOR IS LAVA!"

"AAAHH! DON'T LET IT GET ME, DON'T LET IT GET ME!"

Unfortunately, Phineas freaked out a bit too much, and ended knocking over the couch. Everyone in the room stared.

"Wow," Perry said, looking astonished.

"Oops," Phineas said, still standing on the couch.

Doofenshmirtz's face dulled. "I'm done here." With that, Doofenshmirtz walked out of the kitchen, and left the home. There was a silence between Perry and Phineas.

"...He was a brave man," Perry said, putting a hand on his heart.

"Brave indeed," Phineas nodded in agreement.

**(~)**

**Sunglasses**

"Uh...I don't get it," Perry said, "What are with the sunglasses, Doofenshmirtz? It's not that bright in here."

"I find that it makes conversing with others a lot easier," Doofenshmirtz explained, "Since no one can see my eyes, I usually just fall asleep until their done talking.:

"I'd be careful with that if I were you," Perry said, "You could hurt someone's feelings."

"Not even I'm that low," Doofenshmirtz said, "Besides, I did this method with Candace just a few hours ago, and she seemed really fine with it...and oddly enough, really happy."

_Few hours ago_

"Thank you, Heinz! I've never told anyone about how my parents abandoned me and my brother...I didn't think anyone would care, but I feel better now...after talking to someone who cared to listen."

"*snore*..."

**A/N:**

**I hope you all enjoyed; I will be working on the Halloween special, and Resisting the Borg's request as well. I'll let you all know when the next one-word requests are.**

**Speaking of requests, those are closed until after the Halloween Special. If anyone requests me anything during the time, I'll simply ignore the request.**

**Some of you may not have gotten the jokes of the one-shots. Well, for the first one written, I was reffering to a toy called: Easter Bunny Pooping Jelly Beans. This thing did in fact exsist. If you wanna know more about that, you can find out more on JeepersMedia, which can be found on youtube.**

**Another would be pencils. Well, after searching the internet, I learned that pencil has more than one meaning besides being a wooden stick used for drawing and writing:**

**It can mean a narrow set of lines, light rays, or the like, diverging from or converging to a point**

**Example: a pencil of sunlight.**

**And it can mean anything shaped or used like a pencil, as a stick of medicated material**

**Example: a styptic pencil.**

**If you have more questions, PM me...and I'm dead serious when I say read Wanted: Dead or Destroyed, it's good. Really good.**

**Anyways, I hope you liked it, and I hope you can all forgive me...there's no need for violence after all. You can put down those pitchforks and torches anytime now.**


	10. A Night of Horror (part 1)

**Alright...the moment you've all been waiting for: The Halloween Special~! XD**

**Take it away, PD-Heinz and Perry!**

**Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Good evening, fair viewers. We're here to warn you that what you are about to read may disturb you. It may shock you. It may even HORRIFY you.**

**Perry:...**

**Are you gonna cough up a hairball, or what?**

**Perry: No.**

***to the readers* You've been warned.**

**Note: No requested OC is in this chapter. Brief mentions, maybe. Cameos, perhaps. Roles in the story, no. Also there will be singing.**

**Anyways, enjoy~! :D**

**P/F/Happy Halloween/P/F**

**A Night of Horror**

Good evening, fair viewers. I'm here to say that what you are about to read may shock you. It may even horrify you. But, not likely, I mean, you've read this kind of stuff before. Our story begins at Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated, where Milky is throwing a party...against Doofenshmirtz wishes.

"C'mon, tiger," Isabella said, "You can do it~!"

Cody had a polka-dotted blindfold covering his eyes, and was carrying a (hopefully) fake donkey tail. He unfortunately kept bumping into a peice of furniture that had a lamp on top of it, while the poster with the donkey was right behind him.

"You were so close," Isabella said with a smirk,"Okay, just a few steps to your left~."

Cody obeyed, only to hit the furniture again, causing the lamp to fall and break. Isabella chuckled as she picked up a cup of punch from the table next to her. "Oh, I'm sorry," Isabella said sarcastically before taking a sip of the drink, "I meant _my _left~."

Doofenshmirtz glared from the other side of the table. All of his friends decided to come to the party: Phineas, Candace, Ferb, everbody. Perry was obviously there because he _lived_ there. Doofenshmirtz could've had a nice, quiet Saturday, but nope. Milky had to come in and wreck it for him.

Sucks to be you, Dr. D.

"Shut the heck up, narrator," Doofenshmirtz said angrily trying to mimic my voice.

Milky walked over to the former doctor (while putting some strange white pills in his drink that was by him while he wasn't paying attention) and said in a strangely seductive matter, "So, Heinz comes here often, yes?"

"I live here," Doofenshmirtz mumbled.

"What does Heinz think of the DJ," Milky asked, "Mily Way thinks she is very cute. Just right for the lonely Doctor."

"You," Doofenshmirtz said finally turning to glare at Milky, "Are the DJ!"

Just then, Candace stumbled over, knocking over Doofenshmirtz contaminated drink as she tried to keep her balance. "Doof," she slurred, "You need to lighten up. This is a party. You know what I'm telling you? Sometimes, there isn't anytime...to drink. See, that's when you go to the clubs, and find something to drink. You know, 'cause drinking's all you do with your life."

As Candace looked like she might cry, Phineas was suddenly by his sister's side, trying to help her. "Sorry," Phineas said, "She's drunk again...don't tell the authorities."

Doofenshmirtz rolled his eyes while Milky glared.

"Is something wrong, Dr. D," Perry asked from beside Isabella.

"Milky has been throwing these parties once a week," Doofenshmirtz said, "And half the time only Milky and Isabella bother to show up!"

Isabella glanced over to Doofenshmirtz and said, "I don't care what it is, I will not be absent to a social event."

"It's just that," Candace ranted on, "I just get so darn sick of those darn factories and those darn authorities, that I've gotta do something besides making drinks. Pretty soon I'mma be too old. And then...and then..."

Candace suddenly fell over, on top of Perry, who struggled beneath her body. Phineas simply stared at them before Isabella quickly came by his side and wrapped an arm around him. Meanwhile, Milky poured Doofenshmirtz another drink and placed more of the pills in it. This time, Doofenshmirtz nearly caught on. Nonetheless, he took the drink ready to sip it.

"So," Isabella flirted to Phineas who eyed her, "Does it hurt when I run in your dreams~?"

Suddenly there was a knock on the door and Doofenshmirtz immediatelly set his drink down, much to Milky's dismay. "Great," Doofenshmirtz said, "I bet that's Flabber and his lazy little "normal" stuff."

"I am over here," Ferb said, being right next to the poster with the donkey.

"And his name is Ferb," Phineas corrected.

"I KNOW HIS FREA-!"

Just then the door opened, and in entered...Jenny Brown? Why Jenny Brown? We never had Jenny here before.

"Yes we have," Candace said, "You're just too lazy to write that story."

SHUT-UP!

So, Jenny Brown entered the home. "Are you guys having a party," she asked.

"Hey," Doofenshmirtz yelled before Milky shoved the might as well be poisoned drink up his face.

"DRINK THIS," Milky exclaimed.

Jenny practically welcomed herself in as she looked to the floor in admiration. "Wow, your floors are so clean," she said before proceeding to make a long, dull "ah" noise.

Cody immediatelly removed his blindfold exclaiming, "Agh! It's an ambush!"

"Oh for the love of," Perry groaned before finally pushing Candace off, "Ugh, not this curse thing again!"

"Don't worry guys," Cody assured, "I've been practicing. I can win this time!"

Cody gave a gruff look before letting out a monotone "bwah" sound. Only a few seconds passed before a small earthquake occured, knocking over several objects in the process. When the "screaming" ceased, so did the earthquake. Everyone was shocked.

"Jenny," Doofenshmirtz growled, "What did you do this time? I should have killed you when I had the chance!"

"Uh oh," Jenny said, "You messed my curse up. You have some really claen floors."

"Heck yes," Cody said in triumph, "And now we are tied!"

"What do you mean you don't know," Doofenshmirtz asked before turning to Cody, "Cody what did you do?"

"I dunno," Cody admitted.

Suddenly, there was a painfully bright light that came and went in a flash. This didn't stop anyone who was in the building to duck down in fear or to protect themselves (except for Candace, who was knocked out). When everyone conscience looked up from their spots, they saw a huge hole was on the wall in front of them, as well as a being who made it lurking through the hole. It was covered in black clouds, so its form could not be seen, but an evil demonic face with bloodshot eyes was shown.

"We have heard the call and have come as swiftly as possible," it said griving a monsterous yet oddly jolly grin, "Why, what is this? A revelry held in the night? Doth our eyes decieve? Oh-ho, this is wonderful," it frowned as it explained, "We have not a chance to enjoy such pleasures before," it angrily rose above the group, causing them to cowar, "_**As no one invite The Nightmare**_," it calmed down and grinned, "But that we see, is in the past."

With a snap of sharp, scaley fingers, a book dropped to the ground, breaking part of the floor in the process. The lights flickered off at the sudden impact, yet the book itself seemed to be illuminating a bright campfire like light.

"Come, and gaze upon our book," the being now known as The Nightmare commanded, "It is a tale of horror called "A Night of Horror", and it shall be your eternal prison," The book opened on its own and several night-black arms with red aura slithered out, each grabbing one of those attending the party, "Until the final judgement is had."

Each one of the hands dragged one person into the book, one by one, until the only person left with The Nightmare. The book closed shut, and...wait, what are you-?

**(*ZAP-ZAP-ZAP*)**

The book closed shut as we take it in our arms and sit on a couch ready to read to all the world. We are sure that you will be delighted to read it, he-he. _**We are sure...**_

**.**

**.**

**.**

Phineas woke up on the couch, and gazed down upon a still-knocked-out Candace.

"What am I doing back at home," Phineas wondered with a groan when suddenly there was a knock at the door, "Narrator? Is that you? You sound...different," Just follow the story, child, all will be revealed in time, "...O...kay?"

Another knock was heard, this time as if someong was bashing their fist into the door. "Alright I'm coming," Phineas grumbled, getting off the couch and over to the door.

The visitor, or more likely visitors, were Dr. Doofenshmirtz, who was carrying a bag, and Perry, who for some reason was on his shoulders. They both immdiately entered the room, without waiting to be welcomed in. How rude.

"Phineas," Doofenshmirtz said as he looked around the room as if he were searching for something, "I know you think you have something important to be doing right now, but trust me, you don't."

"Dr. D," Phineas said as if it were a question as Doofenshmirtz went over to a self and took a few of books (that were actually horror stories) and placed them in his bag, "Give me a sec, I've gotta-."

"No," Doofenshmirtz interrupted poking Phineas in the nose, "You don't," with that Doofenshmirtz grabbed Perry by the tail hung him over the ground and dropped him to the floor, "Here, take this," he motioned to Perry before heading for the exit, "This is plan B. Perry knows what I mean. We have a playbook of contingency plans."

Doofenshmirtz slammed the door shut as he left. Phineas looked over to Perry quizzically. "Plan B," he asked the monotreme who was still laying flat on the ground.

"I'll tell you when it happens," Perry said giving a single glance before laying his face back onto the carpet floor.

**.**

**.**

**.**

We are _so _excited that we finally get to play together..._**aren't thou excited?**_

"Been there, done this," Doofenshmirtz said, having already entered his house, and poured out several books, some of horror, and some of Magicianary Arts, "I'm ready this time."

Oh, it's only fine when your father doth it, is it? _This is just like the time you seperated the small rocks from the big ones_, you are a bigot.

"I am," Doofenshmirtz began as he opened one of the books, "Not sure how to respond to that."

Well, if you don't want to play, then I suppose we can just close the book and go home.

Doofenshmirtz gave a smirk, hoping that we wouldn't notice.

We're not saying we would do this, but if we don't read your story, the time stops for you-.

The smirk faded into a horrified frown.

And all you can do, is rot! Muwahahaha, not that we'd do that to a friend, especially a relative. Haha, do you think we would?

"No," Doofenshmirtz said, giving a nervous grin, "Heh, of course not! Hahaha, I just thought that this was a different kind of game. You know, the sort where the object of the game, is to overcome a problem!"

Oh-ho-ho, but it is. Oh we knew you wanted to play! But, you see, there are rules. You just have to get to the end of the story, that's all. It's a short story. Oh, this will almost be as fun as fake spiders.

Doofenshmirtz, who was trying to skim through the books while also giving glances to us, chuckled as he sweated, "Uh...yeah."

Sorry for threatening you before. That was just for pretend! You don't have to be _**scared**_ of us! If we were being serious we would have threatened something worse.

"Yeah," Doofenshmirtz said almost sarcastically but mostly out of fear, "Worse than being trapped in a horror story that's about who knows what?"

Has thou been to the catacombs beneath the castle?

Doofenshmirtz dropped the book in his hand, his eyes widened as he stared off into space for a few seconds. We chuckled.

You have been! Ho-ho! Did you know our wife and us built the place? Oh, our wife was quite mad. We worry for our son now, really. They say that mental illness can run in the family.

"Eh, he-he, I don't..."

But our lover wasn't all that mad. You'll see. She wrote this book after all.

The entrance door slammed open and Doofenshmirtz's gaze snapped over to the unwelcomed guests. In came Cody and Milky. Milky was holding a strange looking bag, one that looked similar to a large organ painted with a few colors to make it look less gorey. Cody was the first to speak, "Oh my gosh, we're in a story for reals! This is so exciting!"

"Wait," Doofenshmirtz said standing up and walking over to Cody and Milky, "You two know that we're in a story?"

"Duh," Cody said grinnign from ear to ear, "We were all sucked into one while we were at the party! This is so neat. And Nightmare said it's a horror story so it's going to be _spooky_!"

Milky reached into her bag and place a spirit board onto the floor. Kneeling down by the board she said, "Milky will commune with the spirits, she will befriend them, and when their trust is earned, MILKY WILL TURN THE TABLES!" Mad laughter left Milky's lips before Doofenshmirtz stomped his foot on top of the spirit board.

"No," Doofenshmirtz said wih a glare, "Have you ever read a horror story? The spirit board always makes the spirits more powerful!"

"Uh, I don't read a lot of horror," Cody admitted, "Mostly just fun stuff. And I like adventure a lot."

Milky smirked at Cody. "Cody," she said, "Will you go a fetch Milky some liquids?"

"Okay," Cody said and headed for the kitchen.

Doofenshmirtz eyed Milky, who grinned mischeiviously back at him. The man wondered what she was up to when the sound of the fire alarm went off. Doofenshmirtz glanced over for a moment before glaring back. Glass breaking and shaking were also heard, as well as the sound of a chainsaw, and oddly enough a rubby ducky squeaking. The final noise that caught Doofenshmirtz's attention completely was the sound of gun-shots, that created a brief but large red light.

"Uh, Dr. D," Cody yelled, "Do you have any ketchup?"

"What the heck are you doing in here," Doofenshmirtz exclaimed going over to the kitchen...and leaving Milky all alone in his living room...with the spirit board.

Milky knelt back down to spirit board, her eyes twinkling madly. "And now," she snickered, "Spirits of the dead, Milky summons you! Here Milky, and come to the sound of her voice!"

The room went dark and a light emmited from the spirit board.

"Mechaleka, yes, mechahieneyho," Milky chanted, "Mechaleka, yes, mechahieneyho! Here Milky, Lord Cthulu, awaken, and smother Phineas with a pillow!"

A large explosion of light blasted out from the spirit board, causing it to disappear from exsistence, and in its blace was a burnt spot on the floor. Milky hair became messier than usual, but her smile stayed the same. Seconds later, Doofenshmirtz came out of the kitchen, dragging a whimpering Cody by the ear.

"Ow, ow, ow," Cody moaned like a young child, "I'm sorry!"

Doofenshmirtz released Cody, who cowared to the floor, as he glared at Milky. "Did you use that spirit board the thirty seconds that I was gone," Doofenshmirtz asked.

"No. Yes," Milky said, "Milky has seen the error of her ways."

After Doofenshmirtz kicked Cody and Milky out of the apartment...

"Out," Doofenshmirtz said slamming the door in their faces.

...He toils the day away, preparing spells to escape his bizarr predicament. But alas, they all result in failure.

"Well," Doofenshmirtz in a way that said he knew that would be the outcome, "B***s."

He's very tired. He's had _such _a fun time today that he's simply tuckered out. He walks down the small halls in the apartment to his room, and lays his weary, sweet head to rest. He thinks fondly of his friends and family as he drifts into dreamland, completely oblivious to the meticulously prepared night outside!

**.**

**.**

**.**

The sound of squeaking was heard as an unknown object began rolling over to the bed. Doofenshmirtz's eyes slowly opened at the sound, and shot open at the sight he saw next. He didn't know what was stranger and more shocking; the fact that a familiar stuffed animal was sitting on his bed, or that as he sat up he wasn't as tall as before.

"Mr. Stuffy," Doofenshmirtz said with the voice of a child, "But, the king cut you open and filled your fluffy little body with sliced bread..."

Doofenshmirtz picked up the stuffed bear, unaware that he has shrunk to the point where his sleeves were too big for him now. He didn't just _sound_ like a child...he _was_ a child.

"Listen, mister," Doofenshmirtz said as if he were talking to an actual person, "I'm a different person than when we last met. I've seen some things, Mr. Stuffy."

An echoey squeak was heard heard from outside of the bedroom. Doofenshmirtz's eyes widened as the stuffed toy seemed to come alive, and began walking off the bed, and out of the room. Young Doofenshmirtz hesistated for a moment before jumping off his bed, leaving behind his coat, and walked down the dark halls, following the stuffed animal, forgetting that he was in a horror story, and avoiding all logic behind it. As he went into the hallway, the lights turned on, revealed that it had grown longer than previously. He turned to see the bear walk around the corner and went to follow it. As he went, the lights behind him either dimmed or turned off, becoming completely pitch black.

Mr. Stuffy lead Doofenshmirtz into a library like room that was probably the brightest of where he went. The ceiling had a painted picture of a factory, with some familiar children going in along with a purple platypus. On the widows of the OWCA, was another platypus, also familiar, but was green-blue, and a Chihuahua. He looked forward to see another hall, and Mr. Stuffy lying on the floor. He hesitantly walked over, looked forward at the dark halls, and picked up Mr. Stuffy before the library also turned pitch black. However, the hall in front of his began to glow with light. Doofenshmirtz gulped and walked down the straight hall.

_There was no turning back now..._

The walls of the hallway was also painted, this time with planes. He himself was on the plane (still in his thrities to forties), along with a triangle headed child, who looked down nervously from the plane in the picture. It seemed familiar, but...

Doofenshmirtz turned in front of him, only to see that at a dead end was a Mary McGuffin-like doll lying on the floor. The doll sat up, to Doofenshmirtz's shock, turned to the once grown man, leaped out at him, and after a small struggle tore Mr. Stuffy out of his hands. Doofenshmirtz fall to the floor, looking to his hands to see that he had only saved part of him. He looked horrified as the doll stuffed the bear with sliced bread.

"I don't know what it means," young Doofenshmirtz whimpered as he stared at his beloved toy, tears threatening to fall.

The doll suddenly threw itself back, exploding into a bloody mess. Doofenshmirtz didn't seem to care. "Why does the world hate Mr. Stuffy," Doofenshmirtz wondered, "Is he an ugly toy or, something," He looked up into the air standing up, "I like Mr. Stuffy, universe...I wish my dad had exploded all over my walls."

The paint-like blood suddenly formed into a wooden door that was crafted beautifully. The door opened, and a white, blinding light caused Doofenshmirtz to shield his eyes. In front of him was his room...the one he had when he was a child...only this time, it looked nicer. It didn't look unwelcoming like before, but instead, looked like an actual room. Walking over were his parents...both of them. They weren't angry, like they usually were, but instead, they looked happy.

Memories overlflowed in his mind...but the once bad memories, all transformed into good ones. All lies, yes, but for once, Doofenshmirtz didn't care. This is what he wanted. He picked up the remains of Mr. Stuffy, and walked into the room with a faint smile...right before the door slammed shut.

**.**

**.**

**.**

Candace knocked on the apartment door. With her was Phineas and Perry, bother wearing frowns on their faces while Candace, who was no longer drunk, simply smiled. Doofenshmirtz, as a grown man, opened the door only a crack, and gave a glare that was darker than usual.

"Hey, Heinz," Candace greeted.

"Hi, Dr. D," Phineas said, eyeing Doofenshmirtz suspiciosly.

"Can Heinz come out to play," Perry asked as if talking to another person, confusing both Phineas and Candace.

"No," Doofenshmirtz answered with an unearthly voice, "Heinz is busy."

"Oh great," Perry said rolling his eyes, "What with?"

"He seeks the highest star such that he may be devoured and allowed to reproduce," Doofenshmirtz said with an evil smile.

Phineas, Perry, and Candace all stared in shock, though Perry seemed to see it all coming. Doofenshmirtz smile faded into a frown of realization. "Er, that is what I would NOT be doing if I weren't so busy with," Doofenshmirtz paused trying to think of an excuse, "Dental hygiene."

With that, Doofenshmirtz slammed the door shut. Candace looked over to Phineas and Perry saying, "He seems a bit off today, don;t you think?"

"Ugh," Perry said, "He's been possessed by a demonic parasite that wants to be eaten by a much larger star-god so it can reproduce and continue its unholy cycle of life."

"Oh, is that all," Phineas said sarcastically.

"Is that all," Perry exclaimed turning to Phineas, "Is that all you have to say?"

Phineas raised his hands up defensively. "How the heck am I supposed to react that," Phineas asked.

"Well, don't worry your stupid childish brain," Perry said beginning to walk away from Phineas and Candace, "I'll take care of plan B."

"There is a plan B," Phineas said, being the only one of the siblings who atleast had a hint of what was going on, "For an evil space parasite?"

"Aye," Perry answered, "Tell the others and meet me back outside DEI at dusk. I'll have everything ready by then. But first," he turned to Candace, "Do you jhave a shovel back at your place?"

"Uh, yeah," Candace asked, "Why?"

As Perry walked away he said, "I've gotta do some digging."

(To be Continued)

**A/N:**

**He-he, we are so pleased to see that you are reading the author's notes. We have some important information for you that dear Galaxina-the-Seedrian (who is a bit **_**tied up**_** at the moment) asked us to give you. Luckily, I recorded everything.**

**Taperecorder: **_**After this story, I am going to give this fan fic an official summary. I was gonna ask for some ideas (and I still am) but I don't think anyone will care enough, so, I'll try to think of something on my own. But if you have an idea of a summary, I'd love to here your ideas.**_

_**It'll get funnier in the next part, I assure you. But while we're at it, it'd be fun if you all would say what you're doing for Halloween this year. Me myself and I are simply going to sit back at my house handing out candy to trick-or-treaters...*sigh* just like every year.**_

_**Anyways I leave you all with a fond smile...(PS: Help, I'm being held against my will!)**_

**Ignore the final statement.**

**Read and Review, **_**OR ELSE!**_


	11. A Night of Horror (part 2)

**Welcome back, faithful followers! Galaxina is unable to make any contact with thou, so we will have to continue the story ourselves. Oh, this is so exciting, is it now? XD**

**Anyway, thou will enjoy. We command that you do!**

**P/F/NIGHTMARE RULES/P/F**

_(Last time on Across the Psychotic Dimension...)_

"Milky has been throwing these parties once a week," Doofenshmirtz said, "And half the time only Milky and Isabella bother to show up!"

Isabella glanced over to Doofenshmirtz and said, "I don't care what it is, I will not be absent to a social event."

(~)

"Why, what is this? A revelry held in the night? Doth our eyes decieve? Oh-ho, this is wonderful," it frowned as it explained, "We have not a chance to enjoy such pleasures before," it angrily rose above the group, causing them to cowar, "_**As no one invite The Nightmare**_," it calmed down and grinned, "But that we see, is in the past."

"Come, and gaze upon our book," the being now known as The Nightmare commanded, "It is a tale of horror called "A Night of Horror", and it shall be your eternal prison," The book opened on its own and several night-black arms with red aura slithered out, each grabbing one of those attending the party, "Until the final judgement is had."

(~)

"Phineas," Doofenshmirtz said as he looked around the room as if he were searching for something, "I know you think you have something important to be doing right now, but trust me, you don't."

"Dr. D," Phineas said as if it were a question as Doofenshmirtz went over to a self and took a few of books (that were actually horror stories) and placed them in his bag, "Give me a sec, I've gotta-."

"No," Doofenshmirtz interrupted poking Phineas in the nose, "You don't,"

(~)

Milky reached into her bag and place a spirit board onto the floor. Kneeling down by the board she said, "Milky will commune with the spirits, she will befriend them, and when their trust is earned, MILKY WILL TURN THE TABLES!" Mad laughter left Milky's lips before Doofenshmirtz stomped his foot on top of the spirit board.

"No," Doofenshmirtz said wih a glare, "Have you ever read a horror story? The spirit board always makes the spirits more powerful!"

(~)

"I don't know what it means," young Doofenshmirtz whimpered as he stared at his beloved toy, tears threatening to fall.

(~)

"He's been possessed by a demonic parasite that wants to be eaten by a much larger star-god so it can reproduce and continue its unholy cycle of life."

(~)

"There is a plan B," Phineas said, being the only one of the siblings who atleast had a hint of what was going on, "For an evil space parasite?"

"Aye," Perry answered, "Tell the others and meet me back outside DEI at dusk. I'll have everything ready by then. But first

"I've gotta do some digging."

(~)

We are _so _excited that we finally get to play together..._**aren't thou excited?**_

(~)

_(And now, the conclusion)_

**.**

**.**

**.**

Phineas and Candace have both split up, searching for their friends as Perry ordered...although really it was just Phineas rounding them up while Candace went to help Perry. Phineas found Isabella and Ferb talking to a police officer. Apparrantlly the only differences that could be found in the strange book world and the real one was that there was more crime afoot, and that the police officers were all pretty..."lazy" so to speak.

"Yeah," the female officer said on her phone, "Sounds good...mm-hm...ten-four."

"Excuse me, officer woman," Ferb began before getting cut off.

"Hold on, gandpa, I'm on the phone" the officer exclaimed.

"Okay, little girl," Ferb mocked with her best old-lady imitation, "I'm going to wait here on my chair and not teeth...for I am normal like that."

"So, what are you wearing," the officer asked to the caller, "...have you learned how to tie your shoes yet...Oh, even better."

"You know there's a lot of illegal activity going on in this city lately," Isabella said, "So if your not too busy with your phone call, I think you've got some stuff to do."

"I'M SOLVING CRIMES," The officer angrily exclaimed at the two, earning stares from both of them before getting back on the phone, "So, are your parents home...I'll be right over."

"There you two are," Phineas said running over to Ferb and Isabella, "I've been looking everywhere for you guys!"

"Hey, Phineas," Isabella flirted, "What'cha doin?"

"Rounding all of our friends up," Phineas said, "Perry wants us to meet him at DEI."

"Why," Isabella asked, now looking a bit serious.

"It's about Dr. D," Phineas said, "He got possessed by a parasite. I dunno why, but my gut tells me that Milky had something to do with it...also, we're trapped in a story book."

"What~?"

**.**

**.**

**.**

_Knock, knock, knock_

The door was answered by none other than Cody, who let out a tired yawn. "What do you kids want," he asked, "Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"It's the middle of the day," Phineas answered.

"Oh, really," Cody asked, "Thanks! I wasn't sure. In this book-world there's no sky."

"SCREW THE SKY! Yes."

Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, and Cody turned over to Milky who had suddenly appeared out of nowhere. She looked rather angry for some peculiar reason. "It knows what it did," Milky answered the silence.

"...Okay," Cody said smiling, "So, what do you guys need?"

"Doofenshmirtz has been possessed by a demonic parasite that wants to be eaten so it can give birth to other little demon-spawns," Phineas said quickly.

"...So?"

"So, Perry wants us to meet him at DEI," Isabella exclaimed getting irritated.

"Yes," Ferb said, "Time is of the essence. We need to get there before something bad happens."

"What could possibly go wrong," Cody asked.

**.**

**.**

**.**

"So, something happened to me the other day and I want you to tell me if it makes me a pedophile."

"Whoa, buddy, let me stop you right there, because I am not having this conversation."

Suddenly the lights went off...all over the Tri-Stae Area.

"Did you pay the electorate bill?"

"We are the electorate bill."

"Yeah, okay, but did you pay?"

"...No..."

**.**

**.**

**.**

"Oh no," Cody exclaimed, "I'm afraid of the dark!"

"Man up, Cody," Phineas said.

"I hope the animals in your house are alright," Isabella said, "By the way, why are there animals in you...where'd Milky go~?"

"I think she snuck into my house," Cody said.

"...Oh good~."

**.**

**.**

**.**

"I left the envelope on your desk!"

"I thought it was a joke!"

"Well it's pretty funny now, isn't it?"

"Well, yeah, it's a rather amusing-."

"No, this is not funny, this is serious."

"I mean, why would we have to pay the electorate bill? I mean, _we're_ the electorate company."

"We're the electorate company-shut the HECK up!"

"Why are you so mad, Mack?"

"...I'm not mad."

**.**

**.**

**.**

Everyone met up with Perry at DEI, each having their own flashlight due to the blackout. By the time they got there, Perry had set up a few outdoor lamps. He was also dressed up in animal bones: a male goat's skull for a hat, and some extra bones made into a necklace and tied around his right arm. He was also carrying a brown sachel, filled with unknown items. With Perry was not Candace, but Jenny, who looked at him distressfully.

"You promise you'll put them back," Jenny asked.

"Yeah, sure," Perry said glaring, "Get off my back woman."

"It's just that this is really disrespecting the animal graveyard," Jenny explained, "And I think the chipmunks will think less of me if I let you do this."

"Sometimes you gotta discreate a couple graveyards to fight evil," Perry stated, "Also, I'm an animal. There is no disrespect. Now, is everyone here?"

"CANDACE HAS BETRAYED US! Yes," Roared Milky.

"I'm sure that's not true," Cody said, "She's probably just a little late...see, there she is!"

Candace strolled in with Jeremy by her side. Phineas glared. "Candace, what do we need Jeremy for," Phineas asked angrily, "What is your boyfriend gonna do that we can't?"

"He can," Cody paused, "Pee standing up!"

"Great," Phineas said sarcastically, "We have a mysterious and arcane power of which to fight Dr. D's own."

"I thought all boys could do that," Isabella said.

"Only proving my point," Phineas stated.

"Okay, look," Candace said, "Don'y judge me, this is my go to solution for problems."

"Besides drinking," Isabella snickered.

"It's nice to see you too, Isabella," Candace said, "Can't lift something? Find Jeremy. Need something built? Find Jeremy. Can't get over being rejected by Jeremy? Find another Jeremy. See, it works for everything."

"What if you can't find another Jeremy," Cody asked.

Codance let out a horrified gasp. "Do not even joke," Candace exclaimed, "Besides, Jeremy's the only one here who hasn't done anything to annoy Doofenshmirtz. He's probably least likely to murder him out of any of us."

"She has a point," Isabella sighed.

"Besides," Candace said, "My hunny makes everything better."

"Oh, brother," Phineas muttered.

"What is the big deal," Ferb asked, no one really paying attention to him or Phineas at the moment.

"She and Jeremy have been going out for two years now and their relationship gets more and more disturbing," Phineas said shuddering a bit at the thought, "I swear, if Jeremy tries anything, I am gonna...I am gonna-."

"Draw a hot bath and wash off some fustration," Ferb mocked.

*SMACK*

**.**

**.**

**.**

"Alright," Perry said glaring at a smirking Phineas, and an angry Ferb who had a black-eye, "If everyone's done acting _painfully_ stupid, we can start the operation. Now, we need to prepare four candles and a pentagram," he turned and glared at Jenny, "_Don't_ knock them over," he looked back at the others once more, "Three of you idiots need to stay here and help make this thing work. The other five, go inside and get Heinz.

"I'll go," Phineas said.

"Good," Ferb muttered, "We could use less dorrito-heads around."

"Demon Hand's too," Phineas smirked.

"_Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah_," Ferb said, "That's what _you_ sound like."

"Milky shall come too. Yes," Milky said.

"Me too," Isabella said, sliding over to Phineas and leaning on his shoulder.

"What do we have to do here," Cody asked Perry.

"I need you to keep the candles still and don't be distracted by anything," Perry explained.

"Alright," Phineas said, "Cody's our number five. Let's go."

"Great," Ferb said, "We're just going in...without a plan."

"Nope," Phineas answered, "I already know how whining and bickering for three hours of my life turned out. I'd rather just skip to the chase, thank you."

**.**

**.**

**.**

Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, Cody, and Milky entered DEI. Because of the blackout, all the lights were off, and it made the place a lot more eerie than it should have been.

"Alright," Phineas said, "There could be anything lurking around here, so keep your eyes peeled."

"Oh my glob," Cody exclaimed pointing to the darkness, "What is that?"

"What, where," Phineas said, looking toward the direction of where Cody was pointing as well did the rest of the group.

"Is it slimey," Isabella exclaimed fearfully, "Oh my gosh, it's slimey isn't it?"

"Give it a hug," Cody said as he grabbed Ferb, and threw him at whatever, "Love will put its restless soul to rest!"

The sound of shattering was heard as Ferb crashed. There was a groan before he said, "It's just a lamp."

Everyone turned to glare at Cody. "Why in the name of King Louie XIIII's colorful pleated trousers did we listen to you," Isabella yelled.

"I dunno," Cody said with a small shrug, "I think it's because everyone's in a panic in these kinds of situations, but I think about this stuff a lot, so everyone just takes my advice," he turned back to the others and asked, "So where do you think Dr. D is at?"

"He mentioned something about dental hygiene," Phineas suggested.

"Fine," Isabella grumbled, still mad at Cody, "Let's start with the bathroom and work our way through."

"Uh, that could be a problem," Phineas said, "There's more than one bathroom in DEI."

"Well, then, Milky suggests we split up. Yes" Milky said.

"BOYS VS GIRLS," Cody exclaimed before he, Phineas, and Ferb, who didn't want to be paired up with Milky, bolted away.

"Wait, what," Isabella said before exclaiming, "UGH! I HATE MEN~!"

Milky grinned at Isabella.

"...Oh good~."

**.**

**.**

**.**

Phineas, Ferb, and Cody began their search upstairs while Isabella and Milky searched downstairs. The group of boys noticed a light down the hall inside a, you guessed it, bathroom.

"Looks like one of us has to go," Phineas said, "Cody, you check it out."

"Okay," Cody said, not complaining that a child was telling him what to do. However, once he got inside, the door slammed shut, locking him inside.

"Well, it's a good thing I got locked up in here," Cody said smiling, "I have to go for some reason."

Suddenly, green tentacles spewed out from the toilet. "Nevermind, I can hold it."

"Well, there he goes," Ferb said, glaring at Phineas, "Good work _fearless leader _on losing a third of your team. Oh, but thank heavens you limited the lighting in here."

"Will you shut up for a second," Phineas growled.

"Will you get an education like a normal human being for a second?"

"Shut up! I'm trying to listen!"

"To what? All I hear is _you_ breathing."

"Why are you so mad, Ferb?"

"...I am not mad."

"Sh! Do you hear it?"

The sound of music was heard, an the room got brighter do to a glowing, demonic, teddy bear lying on the floor. Phineas and Ferb stared in shock as the stuffed toy stood up and began growing.

_**Bones, bones, bones, blood**_

_**Bones, bones, bones, blood**_

**.**

**.**

**.**

"Oh, I hope we find Doofenshmirtz soon," Isabella said, "This place is scary~."

"Do not worry, Isabella," Milky said, "Milky is here. Yes."

"That's _why_ it's scary," Isabella said with a glare.

"Isabella, it's okay," Milky said, "I heard a story just like this one, about a group of kids going into a haunted purple building oddly shaped like the green-headed child's head."

"And how did that turn out," Isabella asked.

"I don't know," Milky said, "It's happening right now. Yes."

"THAT DOESN'T HELP, MILKY~!"

"Isabella, it's okay. I heard about a crazy person yelling at an amazing pastry chef. Yes. And the amazing pastry chef proceeded to say, "It's okay". And everything was okay. Yes."

"There has to be a reason why we hang out with you," Isabella muttered.

Milky plugged her nose in disgust. "Maybe it's because you smell," she said, "Have you noticed that you smell, Isabella? Yes. Because you really smell."

"THAT'S NOT ME~!"

The vents above opened, and Isabella and Milky scattered back. Suddenly, blue blobs decended from the vents, and opened up their eyes, grinning at Isabella and Milky evilly.

"Look," Milky said, "My children like your scent!"

"Your _children_," Isabella asked, "How did they get here? Where did they come from? How the _heck_ did you make these?"

"Isabella," Milky said grabbing the young girl on the shoulders and forcing her to make eye contact, "I can bake anything."

"...Anything~?"

The blobs began moving closer to the two as Milky answered, "Anything."

"...Oh, good~."

**.**

**.**

**.**

_**Bones, bones, bones, blood and-...**_

_**Bones and skin, bones and blood and-...**_

_**(~)**_

"F-Ferb..."

"Get ready to run..."

_**(~)**_

_**Bones and skin, bones and blood and-...**_

_**(~)**_

_**Mr. Stuffy: You've pretty eyes, yes you do**_

_**Flesh and blood, I want it too**_

_**I'll wear your bodies, like a suit**_

_**So watch out now, I'm on the loose**_

_**(~)**_

_**Bones and skin, bones and blood and-...**_

_**(~)**_

"Try giving it a hug," Ferb exclaimed as they ran through DEI, "Maybe your _love _will make it go away!"

"Helping," Phineas said, "You ain't!"

_**(~)**_

_**Mr. Stuffy: There's no hope for little frenemies**_

_**Dunwich's Horror's got nothing on me**_

_**Antediluvian tales of woe,**_

_**Trail behind wherever I go**_

_**Give up now on your beliefs**_

_**Your friend's soul's beyond reprieve!**_

_**(~)**_

_**Bones and skin, bones and blood and-...**_

_**(~)**_

_**Mr. Stuffy: Hear well now, my proclamation!**_

_**This is your life's destination**_

_**Surrender now, be eaten first**_

_**At least you'll be sparred from the worst**_

_**(~)**_

_**Bones and skin, bones and blood and-...**_

_**(~)**_

Phineas and Ferb both ran down some halls different from the others. For some reason, these halls in particular seemed familiar to Phineas, but he immediately brushed it off when he noticed Ferb glancing at him.

"What are you eyeing me for," Phineas asked.

"Nothing," Ferb quickly said.

"Don't you dare even think about it," Phineas glared.

"About what," Ferb smirked.

"You're thinking about tripping-oof!"

Ferb quickly bumped into Phineas hard enough to make him trip, fall, and allowed him to get crushed by the giant Mr. Stuffy. Ferb seemed horrified.

"Is he running faster," he exclaimed, "Oh, dear Cthulu, how did that not slow him down?"

Ferb crashed into a wooden door, and fell onto his back. He laid there for a second before remembering that a giant killy teddy bear was trying to kill him, she he opened the door and slammed it shut, leaning against it as he let out a relieved sigh. He then looked ahead, surprised to see a young version of Doofenshmirtz playing with a teddy bear similar to the one chasing him, and two other toys that looked exactly like Ferb and Phineas. In fact, Doofenshmirtz seemed to be replaying everything that had just happened...

_**(~)**_

_**Bones and skin, bones and blood-...**_

_**(~)**_

_**Mr. Stuffy: Terror's my preferred vocation**_

_**Your life's slip brings me elation**_

_**The old Great Race did fear my tread**_

_**(~)**_

Ferb gasped and leaped out of the way of the door. Doofenshmirtz heard this and turned to the door. Upon hearing the demonic bear's voice, Doofenshmirtz realized what was happening, quickly ducked his head onto the floor and braced himself.

_**(~)**_

_**Mr. Stuffy: So close your eyes, you'll soon be dead!**_

_SLAM!_

**.**

**.**

**.**

Ferb stood shocked at what had just occured. DEI had turned back to normal, as did Doofenshmirtz as it seemed, who lied on the floor with the teddy bear, now in normal size and completely lifeless, on his back. After Ferb kicked the stuffed toy off the man's back, he proceeded to drag Doofenshmirtz out of DEI.

**.**

**.**

**.**

"Ferb" Perry said as Ferb dragged Doofenshmirtz onto the pentgram, laying him there before going to grab a candle, "Where's Phineas, Isabella, Cody, and Milky?"

"Who abnormally cares," Ferb asked, "Let's do the ritual."

"Why are you so upset?"

"...I'm not upset. I'm normal."

"Sure, you are, Ferb. And my name's Jenny."

"Your name is Jenny," Perry said to Jenny.

"...Shut-up."

Doofenshmirtz woke up, his eyes glowing evilly as he glared at those around him.

"It's alright," Perry assured, "As long as the candles stand upright he can't leave the circle and he can't harm us."

Doofenshmirtz smirked before blowing at Jenny, causing her to topple over and knock Jeremy to the ground, and causing two of the candles to drop as well.

"Oh c'mon," Perry said disappointedly, "You flinch like a cat to a spray bottle!"

Suddenly, the demonic parasite created a pinkish gas that spread through the area, causing those there to faint except for Doofenshmirtz who snickered, "_Yes, sleeeeeeep. Soon I shall lay my eggs as I so righteously deserve._"

_"Stop right there, demon!"_

Hm...what is this?

"_What_," Doofenshmirtz said turning to a boy, "_Who are you?_"

"_I go by many names_," the boy answered in a powerful voice, "_But you may call me Ferb._"

"_How are you not affected by my gas_," Doofenshmirtz hissed.

How _did_ he go unaffected?

"_What do you want_?"

"_That is noe of your concern_," Ferb said, "_As for what I want; the man you are possessing has signed a contract. His blood belong to us._"

"_Can't we just discuss a time-share_," Doofenshmirtz asked.

"_The man is not yours_," Ferb claimed, "_Leave here now, scum-bag._"

Jenny suddenly sat up, rubbing her head. Ferb and Doofenshmirtz stared in shock, and their voices turned back to normal.

"That is to say," Ferb said as Jenny's attention gazed over to them, "I love to ride bikes with my friends."

"I too love riding bikes," Doofenshmirtz said, "And other common activities."

"We are normal."

"She's not buying it!"

"Shut up! Everything is going very well!"

"Are you guys playing charades," Jenny asked, having forgotten the situation before.

"Yes," Ferb said, "It was all a game. What you are seeing here is just a-...normal everyday occurance!"

"And we are brushing our brushing our normal human teeth," Doofenshmirtz said.

"No," Ferb said, "We have already done that!"

"But, humans brush their teeth," Doofenshmirtz said, "It is a thing we do...that we have done!"

"I nailed my toothbrush to the table," Jenny said, "Cause it gats away."

"...Yes," Ferb said turning back to Doofenshmirtz, "So as we were saying: I hereby insist upon my demand," he turned back to Jenny, "Which is pretend and not suspicious at all."

Doofenshmirtz growled, then sighed in defeat saying, "Very well, we will respect the contract."

"Because we are playing house," Ferb stated to Jenny.

"Yes," Doofenshmirtz agreed with the lie, though seemed very confused, "It is a game. It is a contract on an ordinary house."

"Okay, but I wanna be the pink ranger," Jenny said.

"...What about the dog," Doofenshmirtz suggested.

"Nope, I wanna be the pink ranger," Jenny stated.

Ferb and Doofenshmirtz glanced at each other. "I am allergic," Ferb said.

"Then I," Doofenshmirtz paused and turned to Ferb, "We're on the same page about the code book," Ferb nodded before Doofenshmirtz continued, "Okay-then I will leave with the dog!"

Doofenshmirtz closed his eyes and mouth before opening them the widest he's ever opened them. A white, spirit flew out of his eyes and mouth. After the demon had finally left, Doofenshmirtz fell to the ground, completely knocked out. Ferb himself played dead, and fell over in order to avoid all suspicion. Jenny simply smiled as Doofenshmirtz regained consciencesness.

"Ugh," Doofenshmirtz said, "Where am I? I have gotta stop blacking out..."

"I have saved you from swamp gas," Jenny stated.

"You saved me from...what?"

"I am the deus ex macarana!"

"You mean the deus ex machina?"

"AYE~ Macarana!"

**.**

**.**

**.**

***Zap-Zap-Zap***

Ugh, what happened? My head hurts...

Uh, I guess the group of characters fell out of the book as The Nightmare shook them out, looking rather pleased with his work...wait, what happened?"

"Well that was simply devine, was it not," The Nightmare asked, "We are so glad we could have so much fun together, _**although we are sure that you are ungrateful**_...although we only kid, certainly fun was had by all!"

Cody was covered in water, Isabella and Milky were covered in blue sludge, and Phineas looked more injured than usually and was glaring at Ferb who smiled nervously at him...can someone please tell me what just happened?

"Well," The Nightmare said, "Until we meet again."

With the, The Nightmare disappeared in a quick flash of light the same way he came here. Only this time there was a hole on the other wall. There was a silence among the group before Doofenshmirtz glared at Jenny who smiled dumbly at him. "Get me my shovel," Doofenshmirtz growled.

"We have a shovel," Perry asked.

"I borrowed it," Ferb said, "And left it at my house...sorry."

"You are so useless," Doofenshmirtz exclaimed.

**(The End)**

...Are they gone?

"Yes."

You nearly blew your cover today. Try to be more careful next time.

"I will. I must say that plan of yours was impressive. How did you know this was going to happen?"

This is my story. Of course I knew it was gonna happen. But, remember this, my powers are limited. I can't stop those beings from getting you. That parasite was only plan A. Plan B is much more severe.

"They are sending one of my kind here. By the time he is revealed to me, I will be ready."

You're still looking for your name aren't you? I lied about it for a reason.

"And I am looking for it for a reason."

You sure you wanna go through with it? You'll be in more trouble than you already are.

"When the time comes I will pay for those consequences...or over power my true enemies...for now, we keep this secret."

Uh, Ferb...

"Wha-...are we being watched?"

**A/N:**

**I hope you all enjoyed that. This ends the first holiday special of AtPD! :3**

**I will be excepting requests again. Though of course, I will be doing Resisting the Borg's request first.**

**Until we meet again~GTS**

**(~)**

**This concerns all those who write and enjoy fanfiction! A bill is being sent through the House of Representatives that, if passed, will shut down fanfiction .net and all websites that host user-generated content including Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Deviantart, etc. Go to youtube and search for a video called "ALERT: Protect IP Bill is WORSE than S.978 and being RUSHED" which better explains the bill and why YOU should call your congressman RIGHT NOW and tell them that you are completely AGAINST this bill! I will also provide a petition which will be sent straight to your congressman. Go to**

**: / act . demandprogress sign / pipa _ house / ? source = f b**

**it doesn't cost anything and you don't have to fill in all of the information. Please know that if nothing is done, you could lose all your fanfiction, even be ARRESTED and considered a FELON because of this bill! This is not a farce, spam, or a conspiracy theory! It is very real and we must act now if we're to protect our right to freely express ourselves! Remember, this doesn't just affect the USA, it affects all those around the world who use fanfiction .net and other social networking sites. Lend us YOUR hand and stop this madness from happening!**

**-Bladequeen2000**

**Please pass this on! Everyone involved in fanfiction or any fandom activity should be notified!**


	12. Da Bomb! Da Bomb!

**Okay, we got another request, this time by Resisting the Borg. Not only that, but we have a new OC joining us that was also created by Resisting the Borg!**

**Danny DeWinter: Yo.**

**Okay, let's get this started:**

**I own nothing but the story and my OCs, Cody and Milky. All others belong to their respective owners.**

**Hope you enjoys. :3**

**P/F/P/F**

**Da Bomb! Da Bomb!**

"Now, careful, Kayla," a boy with lightish brown hair said as the two began hanging a banner over the stage, "We don't wanna cause anymore damage than you've already done."

The boy motioned to the rest of the stage. It was covered with debri that was being swept up by Phineas, Ferb, and Isabella, who all glanced at Kayla before going back to work.

"I just don't know what went wrong," Kayla said while securing to string.

"Yeah," the boy said sarcastically, "It's a mystery..."

After about an hour or so, everything was set up for today's announcements. Phineas smiled and said, "Not bad for our first time. And they said we were too young to supervise the preperations of the announcements."

"What's with all of the decor," Isabella asked.

"Well, you see, Perry-."

"Nice work, everyone," Kayla said, leaning on a ladder.

"Kayla, be careful," the boy warned.

"Oh, Danny, what's the worst that could-?"

The ladder tipped over into the banner, and landed on the base of the mic stand, which also tipped over and landed on the stereo, which not only set on fire, but blew up as well.

Everyone stared as the stage lit up into flames.

"...I'll call the fire department," Danny said, staring at the flames in horror.

"Uh, Ferb," Phineas said, "You and Isabella get some help."

"Anything I can do," Kayla asked.

"NO," Danny exclaimed as he got into Kayla's face, "NOTHING! In the name of all things normal, just sit there and do, nothing!"

Kayla obeyed...by sitting on the ground. Somehow, this caused the wooden floor to give in, and she suddenly began falling through it, bringing Danny with her.

"Oops. My bad!"

"You know," Ferb said before following Isabella out of the building, "They say that you shouldn't stand in a building that's been caught in a blazing inferno, but it's actually not that bad...I am normal for saying this."

"...Right~..."

**.**

**.**

**.**

The assembly hall was once again filled with citizens of Danville, all of whom were cheering for Perry the Platypus, who was standing on the stage with a proud smile on her face.

"...Everyone, my name isn't Perry the Platypus! It's Mayor Roger!"

Oh great, I forgot that this was _his _debut...

"Yes, we are all here to see Perry the Platypus off as he retrieves his two free iPod nanos!"

The crowd cheered once more.

"And," Mayor Roger continued, "Perry has generously offered to share one of his iPods with all of Danville, to distract us from the tentacle monster that continues to ravage our laser tag arena!"

As said, out through the window was indeed a laser tag arena with tentacles breaking through the roof, making unholy gurgling noises as it begins to slowly devour the building.

Everyone cheered once again, while noting "I love music", "The music helps me forget", and "It'll go away if we just ignore it".

"I'm just doing my part to help ignore the disaster," Perry stated, "As soon as the window popped up telling me I won, I knew that we could finally use the town's supply of headphone splitters to good use. I promise to make Danville forget!"

Everyone cheered once again, while Perry smiled a bit bashfully.

**.**

**.**

**.**

Hours later, all of Perry's closest friends came to the train station to see her off. Phineas, Candace, and pretty much everyone else he knew in the city except for Dr. Doofenshmirtz, who was...busy. Even Isabella's ressurected grandmother came! Wait, are you asking how she died? Screw it, this isn't even about her!

"Yo no pertenecen a la esfera de la vida," Isabella's grandmother said, "Enviar mi espalda se avance es demasiado tarde!"

"You bet, Grandma Garcia Sharpio," Perry said having no idea what Isabella's grandmother said.

Mayor Roger, who had also come to see Perry off, pushed Isabella's grandmother away, saying, "And remember your TRAINing."

"Just terrible, Mayor," Perry said before Milky got in front of him. Now that he thought about it, he didn't remember seeing Milky come into the train-station with the others...

"Don't forget your roots! Yes," she said taking out a bag of candy, "I've made that same mistake. Now I'm a perfect example! Yes. And my magic candy told me your trip is gonna be the bomb! Yes."

Milky began devouring the sugary sweets as everyone stared at her for about six seconds.

"Just ignore Milky Way," Candace said.

"Yep, just like always," Perry said with a nod.

"ALL ABOARD!"

Candace gave one last smile before leaving onto the train.

"Bon voyage, Perry," Cody said gving a thumbs up.

"And never come back," Ivy said cheerfully.

"Don't get dis-TRACK-ted," Mayor Roger said.

"Puns aren't funny, Mayor," Perry said before the train began moving with her on it. He stuck her head out the window next to his seat as he said, "See you guys in a week! With a gigantic bag full of iPod nanos!"

"And say hi to the Nigerian Prince! Yes," Milky yelled as the train left. Everyone stared at her, waiting for an explaination. "What? He owes me money. Yes."

**.**

**.**

**.**

_One week later..._

"Oh, I hope Perry shares her iPod with me first," Isabella said.

"Hey," Cody said, "I called first dibs!"

"I know," Isabella said, "I just wanna hear Ferb's normal podcast at the gym...without him standing there shouting at me~."

A handful of people including Perry's friends were helping build a bio-sphere in the middle of town.

"Why are we doing this again," Doofenshmirtz asked.

"Oh, there you are Dr. D," Phineas greeted, carrying some tools over to Ferb, "Don't you know? We're doing this for Perry's return! Where were _you_ last week? In fact, I haven't seen you since the incident with the ancient corn-dog."

"Well, after the incident, I decided to study geometry," Doofenshmirtz explained, "So when _I_ went to bed, a strange creature that was half rat, half cricket, with a face of a horse came and took me to a place where all points converge. I woke up yesterday at 1-o-clock in the afternoon in my attic with no recollection of how I got there."

Phineas stared at Doofenshmirtz, albiet awkwardly.

"Well, I hope you had...fun," Phineas told Doofenshmirtz as if it were a question.

"Math is hard," Cody commented as he placed the roof of the bio-sphere in place.

"It is when you're a coward," Doofenshmirtz retorted, crossing his arms.

"I mean, who cares about the difference between isosceles and rhombus triangles," Cody questioned.

"And the question still stands," Doofenshmirtz said.

"Candace has been sent to a strange town called Seattle to retrieve the two free iPod nanos that she won," Danny said as he worked a power drill.

"Seattle," Doofenshmirtz asked, "Uh, you do realize that iPods are made in California, right?"

"Yeah," Phineas said, "So?"

"Seattle is in Washington," Doofenshmirtz said, "If he won iPods, then why did he go to Seattle? And another thing, shouldn't they have delivered him the iPods?"

"You're starting to sound like Candace during the assassin ordeal, " Phineas said. Candace snickered from a short distance.

"Shut up," Doofenshmirtz said before taking out a letter.

"Uh, what's that," Phineas asked.

"It's from Perry," Doofenshmirtz said, "At first, I thought it was a prank, but now I realize that it's serious."

Everyone turned to Doofenshmirtz.

"What's it say Dr. D," Ivy asked, "I can't read."

"My dear friends," Doofenshmirtz read, "I've been kidnapped into slavery. There are no iPod nanos."

Everyone gasped.

"Get me out of here before it's too late," Doofenshmirtz said, "PS, This is not a drill, repeat, this is not a drill," Doofenshmirtz looked up from the letter and said, "You know in hindsight, I probably should have taken it seriously from the beginning."

"When did you get the letter," Phineas asked, sounding a bit panicky.

"I've been trapped in a dimensional plane, and there's no date on the letter," Doofenshmirtz said, "How the heck am I supposed to know?"

Kayla looked sadly at the letter and said, "Perry...doesn't love us?"

"...Huh," Doofenshmirtz said looking down at his neice questioningly.

"I knew he'd abandon us as soon as he learned to write," Buford exclaimed, "He's too good for us!"

"Conocimiento es algo peligroso," Isabella's mother said.

"Like our teachers always warned," Baljeet said, "He must've found a better group of friends that sprung for all the extra cable channels! How will we ever compete with Disney, or The Hub?"

"Well, if we can't be his friends," Milky said, "No one can! Yes."

"We have to find Perry," Cody said, "Otherwise the ten-tandem-bicycle I bought will look ridiculous!"

With that, Milky, Cody, Baljeet, Buford and Kayla (who forcably dragged Ivy with her), began heading for the train station while Doofenshmirtz, Phineas, Candace, Ferb, Isabella, and Danny stared.

"What part of the letter indicated that Perry hated us," Ferb asked.

"Nothing, Fernando," Doofenshmirtz sighed, "They're just idiots..."

"After the last episode before the Halloween special you _still _don't know my name?"

"Shut-up."

**.**

**.**

**.**

"Okay, guys, here's the plan: we'll locate Perry using the subdermal tracking device I've implanted in _all_ of my _filthy_ friends. Once we find him we'll present him with this cool friendship bracelet I made, and he'll start crying, and say I'm the best friend ever, and that he's sorry he left, and wants to come home! And then we'll have a party, and everybody will pick me up on their shoulders and cheer! Milky Way! Milky Way! YEEEEEEES!"

"In the meantime, Ivy will be our Perry," Kayla said, already beginning to dye her platypus green.

"I'm hating you so much right now," Ivy muttered.

The group were on the world's longest train, which was headed for Seattle. The trip had been going on for hours...and hours...and hours...and-.

"WE GET IT," Doofenshmirtz screamed, "WE'VE BEEN ON HERE FOR A LONG TIME!"

Geez, calm down, old man.

"It's hard when you're surrounded by IDIOTS!"

...Harsh man...

"I hope Perry doesn't turn out to be dead," Cody said, "I can't tell you how many times I thought my friends have ditched me, but they were just dead!"

"For the last time, Perry didn't ditch us," Danny said, "The letter specifically said-."

"Are we there yet," Cody asked.

Doofenshmirtz sighed. "Look, kid," he said to Danny, "There is no way you're gonna convince them."

"It's worth a try," Danny stated.

"This train ride is taking forever," Candace groaned.

"I tried to get to the caboose normally, but the train just keeps going _ab_normally," Ferb said.

After a few more hours, they finally reached Seattle.

"Thank you," Doofenshmirtz said.

You're welcome. And now a song by Cody.

"Hello Seattle," Cody sang as he jumped out of the train, followed by the others who simply walked out, "I am a mountaineer!"

"I wish I brought my rifle," Doofenshmirtz groaned.

When the group got off the train, they saw that they weren't in a city, but some kind of Old Western kind of place. "Hm, weird," Doofenshmirtz said, "This can't be right..."

"Alright, unless we find Perry in the next five seconds, I say we just give up and go home," Ivy stated.

Milky's eyes widened. "My kidney is twitching..."

"Uh," Doofenshmirtz said, slowly backing away from Milky.

"The platypus is..." Milky suddenly bolted past her friends around the train station. By the time everyone caught up to her, she was pointing straight at a green platypus, carrying a strange backpack.

"Perry," Isabella said with a grin," We found you! Have you gained weight?"

Perry grinned nervously at the others. "Did you guys get my...message," Perry asked.

"Yes," Cody stated, "And we were so confused! Why would you leave?"

"Do you hate us," Baljeet asked.

"Where are the nanos? Yes," Milky asked.

"Please," Kayla begged, "Just tell us what the problem is."

Perry stared before glancing at Doofenshmirtz, who practically facepalmed and then shrugged at the platypus. Before Perry could even begin to explain to those with no braincells, a rather small white wearing a fedora that Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, Baljeet, Buford, Kayla, and Ivy were all too familiar with, black mustache walked out of a saloon.

"Number 2," the alien said, "Are you fraternizing with the tourists?"

"Yes, ma'am," Cody said.

"Sir," the panda said, "I'm a guy."

Don't mind Cody, he's an idiot. He gets genders wrong all the time.

"I see," the alien went on, walking over to the group, "I'm Meap, the owner of this plantation. I feared that Number 2 would write to some of his little friends back at home, but I am well prepared."

_Where have I seen this guy before, _Doofenshmirtz thought.

"I'm sure you'll have a," Peter gave an invisible smirk, "BLAST."

Perry shook his head rapidly before going over to Meap wearing a smile none the less. "Oh, Meap," Perry chuckled, "You don't have to bring them into this."

"You brought them here," Meap snickered, "Really now, did you think that I taught you how to write without any consequences? Now, when I saw that an OWCA member had won my contest, I knew if I had hime on my staff," he went into Perry's face, "he'd do a BANG-up job."

_Tick_

_Tock_

_Tick_

_Tock_

Meap backed away into his saloon after saying, "He knows what happens if he leaves. Well, BOMB voyage."

_TICK_

TOCK

Perry swallowed hard, cold sweat dripping down his head, the once "happy" smile wiped clean off of his face.__

TOCK

TOCK

"Bomb voyage," Buford questioned, "Since when do you speak Latin?"

Perry sighed. "Since I came here," Perry lied, "Peter the Panda is my employer now, and I have to do whatever he says, _or else_."

"Or else, what," Phineas asked nervously.

"Nevermind that," Perry said, turning to Isabella, "Listen carefully, Isabella."

The young girl nodded.

"Go tell Pinky that the eagle has landed in the pond," Perry told, "And there's a bomb strapped to the eagle."

Cody pushed Isabella out of the way, glaring at Perry who stared at him rather uncomfortably. "Well excuuuse me princess," Cody retorted, "But I think our friendship is worth more than the life of a measly eagle."

Perry continued, looking over to Doofenshmirtz and the others who he actually trusted. "I'll be at the Orchard in 1600 hours. Do NOT meet me there, and do NOT bring wire cutters."

With that, Perry quickly left. Doofenshmirtz turned to Isabella, with a stern look on his face. "You know what to do," Doofenshmirtz said, earning a nod from Isabella who quickly turned to get a train ticket back to Danville, only to be stopped by Milky.

"Milky," Isabella exclaimed, "Out of my way~!"

"Noooooo! Yes," Milky protested.

"Hold on," Danny said, "Do you even know what's going on?"

"I dunno what happened," Kayla admitted, "I didn't pay any attention to that stuff."

Danny facepalmed.

"Time for plan B, then," Buford said.

"And that would be," Candace asked.

"First, we lure Perry into a dark alley," Buford explained, "And Candace performs the sleeper hold on him. Next we take his wallet and break into his room for inscrimnating evidence, and send it to the police. Perry will be forced back to Danville, and we can go back to being tormented by each other."

"Hm," Candace pondered for a moment, "Actually, I can see how being a vigilante would be fun."

"I wish I was as smart as you, Buford," Baljeet said (I'm just gonna give you guys a moment to let this sink in).

"Are you people demented," Phineas asked, "Why don't we just go back to Danville, get Pinky and some wirecutters like Perry told us and avoid needlessly getting trapped by the crazy alien ourselves?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa" Doofenshmirtz suddenly exclaimed, "I AGREE with you?"

"This doesn't change anything between us," Phineas said, "Right?"

"Nope, I _still_ hate you," Doofenshmirtz said.

"Good," Phineas said with a satisfied smiled, "Now that we have that established..."

Milky chuckled. "Oh, Phineas," she said, "You and your commonsense. Yes. Come to think of it, we should use him as bait. Yes."

Phineas frowned. "Huh," he asked in a rather frantic tone.

"Oh, look at him shake like that. Yes," Milky said with a creepy grin, "He's perfect! Yes."

"No," Ferb said, "I suggest we do something that doesn't involve the sacrificing of my pizza-headed friend here."

"Pizza-headed," Phineas asked with a glare.

"Well, then," Cody said, "What do you suggest?"

"Milky's annoying songs," Ferb said.

"Annoying songs," Milky asked, "You told Milky they were endearing! YES!"

**.**

**.**

**.**

_(4:00 pm)_

Just as he said, Perry was at the orchard, knocking down apples from the trees with a hammer. (Please, try not to question. I'm begging you.) As Perry did this, someone else fell out of the tree and popped out right behind him: Milky.

"Hellow platypus friend. Yes," Milky greeted.

"Did you bring any wire cutters," Perry asked, not even bothering to look at Milky, much less greet her.

"No. Yes," Milky answered.

Perry chattered as if he were groaning. At least Milky actually decided to help Perry pick the apples for some strange reason...

Perry, don't trust her, it's a trick!

"Wanna hear me sing a song," Milky asked.

"Doesn't matter," Perry said, "As long as it's not one of those annoying sappy songs that was mentioned in the first episode."

**Milky: When I was a little kiddie and the school came to a fin~!**

"Wait, what are you-?"

**Milky: The darkness and the shadows they would somehow make me grin~!**

"Oh crud..."

**Milky: I'd dance all the night off**

**Like in a whirlie gig**

**Though my parents digressed my grandma said**

**I didn't have to fit in~!**

"Oh for crying out loud," Perry plugged his ears, but Milky grabbed him and twirled him around.

**Milky: She said:**

**Don't listen to what they say**

**April, May, or June~!**

**They're the one's who are crazy**

**Just laugh and sing a happy tune~!**

_**Ha, ha, ha**_

"..."

**Milky: So~!**

**Giggle at the ghostie!**

**Guffaw at the grossly!**

"NO," Perry screamed, "Make it stop, MAKE IT STOP!"

**Milky: Crack up at the creepy!**

Cody, who was wearing earplugs, quickly jumped out of nowhere and covered Milky's mouth. Despite this, Milky was still singing, and was only muffled.

**Milky: Whoop it up with the weepy!**

"She won't shut up unless you come back with us," Cody said with a smirk.

**Milky: Chortle at the cooky!**

"I can't," Perry said, looking miserable.

**Milky: Snortle at the spooky!**

Cody released Milky, who once again sang out loudly.

**Milky: And tell that big fat scarey thing**

**To take a hike and leave you alone**

**And if he thinks he can scare you he's got another thing coming**

**And the very idea of such a thing just makes you wanna**

**HA HA HA HA HA HA HA, ha!**

**LAUGH~!**

"Alright," Perry cried in desperation, "I know what I have to do! JUST STOP THE MUSIC!"

The music stopped, and all the others came out from behind the trees. How Perry never noticed before, not even I knew. Maybe they were pretending to be Snake?

"Please," Perry said, "Just wait until twelve after one tomorrow. Then this will all make sense."

"1:12," Cody asked, crossing his arms, "Sounds arbitrary."

"Do you cross your heart," Milky asked with a stern glare.

Perry sighed. "When the time comes you'll all understand," Perry said, "Hope to die, and stick a needle."

Everyone (except for those who at least knew a little of what was really going on) smiled proudly to each other.

**.**

**.**

**.**

_(1:12 pm)_

The group went into the saloon where Perry now worked at, while Doofenshmirtz was trying to get some wire-cutters, with Kayla trying to distract him.

"I hope Perry didn't move our clocks back so we'd miss our appointment," Baljeet said.

"So uncool," Buford said.

"Milky's messed with time before. Yes," Milky assured, "And there haven't been any noticable consequences. Yes."

**.**

**.**

**.**

"I hope Perry didn't move our clocks back so we'd miss our appointment," Baljeet said.

"So uncool," Buford said.

"Milky's messed with time before. Yes," Milky assured, "And there haven't been any noticable consequences. Yes."

Just so you know, that was on purpose.

Milky opened the door to Perry's room. "Wake up, Perry," Milky said in a sing-song tone, "Sleep is for the weak!"

Everyone was surprised to see that Perry was gone.

**.**

**.**

**.**

"I mean, which do you think Doofenshmirtz: Chim cherry, or cherry chunga? Chim cherry, or cherry chunga? Chim cherry, or cherry chunga?"

"I hate my life," Doofenshmirtz quietly sobbed as he carried the wire cutters out of the store.

Doofenshmirtz and Kayla immediately stopped what they were doing when they saw Perry run passed them. The platypus jumped into a carraige, and yelled to the four horses strapped to the carraige in his animal tongue: "Saddle up, fellas, it's a good day to die!"

The horse galloped away just as the others ran in. "He won't get away," Cody exclaimed pointing to a two horse cart, "TO THE SMALLER, FLIMSIER CART!"

"There is no way all of us can fit on that," Phineas said.

You will if I say so.

"...Huh," Phineas said as the horses galloped after Perry with the group on it, "I guess we can..."

The two carts were head to head. Perry tried throwing bottles at the group but failed to hit any of them. Milky threw Kayla onto the cart, next to Perry.

"Perry, you broke your promise," Kayla exclaimed, "How could you?"

"I _said_ twelve after one," Perry said, "And now you twelve are chasing after me! And soon you'll understand. I figured seeing me get blown up into smithereens would be the nicest way of breaking this to you."

"Wait," Kayle said, "What?"

"Trust me, Kayla," Perry said, "You and the others should stay far back; for your own good."

"You know how I feel about abandonment," Kayla protested, "I'll have to do _months_ of trust exercies to get over this! Danny, catch me!"

With that, Kayla jumped off the cart as Danny stared wide-eyed. "Wait, why me," Danny said before screaming as Kayla landed on him and inadvertedly knocked both of them off of the cart.

"KAYLA," Ivy exclaimed. She tried to leap off the cart to help her friend, but was being pulled back by Candace.

"She'll be fine, Ivy," Candace assured, "Cody, did you see that?"

"Of course," Cody answered, "I have incredible peripherals."

Perry's cairrage reached the train tracks just as the train was about to come. Luckily, Perry past the tracks with seconds to spare. The train rolled by, separating Perry from the others.

"YES," Perry cheered as he leaped of the cairrage, making a victorious pose, "Good thing this is the world's longest train."

The train was suddenly being levitated above the tracks, courtisy of Cody's magic, and the pursuing cart crossed the tracks. Perry let out a cuss before making a run for it.

"Perry, wait," Doofenshmirtz yelled before Ivy leaped out at Perry, knocking him over.

Before we continue, you guys remember the bag Perry was carrying, right? Good.

Out of the bag came several ipods and a...

_Tick_

_Tock_

_Tick_

_Tock_

"There," Perry whimpered, "Are you happy?"

"About what," Cody asked as he levitated the train back onto the tracks.

"Well, just look," Perry yelled pointing to the item on the ground other than the ipods.

Baljeet smiled. "Hey, look! You won the world's largest iPod nano! And it came with a clock ap!"

"Don't you idiots get it," Ferb exclaimed, "There were never any nanos! I AM NORMAL THAT I'M PISSED OFF AT YOUR STUPIDITY!"

Everyone slowly backed away from Ferb. Doofenshmirtz on the other hand went over to the bomb while no one was paying attention and opened it up, revealing wires of different colors.

"Meap forced me into slavery," Perry explained.

"...Are you gonna finish eating that ticking thing," Buford asked.

Doofenshmirtz took out the wire-cutters and a book entitled "How to Deactivate a Bomb For Dummies". He opened the book and quickly read from the book.

"That thing is a bomb," Perry said, "And now it's too late! When I left the junction the self-destruct button activated. But I thought if I ran far enough I could at least spare the lives of my friends."

"Perry," Baljeet said, "We're your friends."

"I'm Cody," Cody exclaimed, "We don't care if you have fifty nanos! You're the greatest apple picker of all!"

"Now," Doofenshmirtz muttered to himself, "Is it the blue wire or..."

"...Are you even listening to what he's saying," Candace asked.

The idiots shook their heads.

"Don't you understand," Perry said, "When that clock reaches zero we're all gonna die in a firey explosion!"

Doofenshmirtz closed the book and set it to the floor. He grabbed the wire cutters with one hand, and carefully grabbed one of the red wires with the other. "Easy, now..."

"Perry," Baljeet said, "We can always fix the hole in the roof, but if you don't come back, we'll never fix the hole in our hearts."

Ten seconds till fiery explosion; COUNT WITH ME!

_**10**_

_**9**_

_**8**_

Doofenshmirtz snipped the red wire.

OH COME ON! You were supposed to wait the last second!

"That's what you get for causing me nothing but pain in this series so far," Doofenshmirtz retorted.

Perry grinned. "You deactivated the bomb," he said, "How?"

"The books they sell these days," Doofenshmirtz said, "Who knew they'd actually have a "How to" book for disabling explosives?"

Thank you for ruining my fun, stupid.

"Yeah, yeah, that's nice," Isabella said, "Can we go home now~?"

...Fine.

[The End]

_Meanwhile..._

Kayla and Danny were both working the pump-trolley. As Kayla rambled on about "chim cherries and cherry chungas" Danny bitterly grumbled, "When I get back, those idiots are dead..."

**A/N:**

**I hope you're satisfied Resisting the Borg. This one was a toughy.**

**Anyways, request away. :)**


	13. Drabbles

**Okay, since no one actually requested anything, I decided to write another chapter on my own. This will be the I'm gonna be doing some drabbles all based off of a youtube series about animated eggs called "The Crack". You guys should really check it out, it's hilarious! XD**

**Also, I have an announcement: I am making another fan fic. This is different, however, as it is gonna be a...pause for dramatic affect...Perryshmirtz!**

***cricket chirps***

**Oh, now, that is just cold, ya'll...**

**Anyways, I'll explain more about it at the end of the chapter.**

**Enjoy! :3**

**P/F/P/F**

**Mac vs PC (Doofenshmirtz vs Cody)**

"Hello, I'm a Mac."

"And I'm Cody."

"No, no, no you're a PC."

"I am...what's a PC?"

"You know, the thing with the tower and the keys and stuff?"

"Oh!"

_**Take 2**_

"Hello, I'm a Ma-WHAT THE HECK IS THIS?"

"It's a tower made of keys!"

"..."

_**Take 7**_

"Hello, I'm a Mac."

"And I'm confused..."

"Seriously, why is he here? Why are we doing this?"

_**Take 43**_

"Hello, I'm a Mac."

_**It's peanut butter jelly time**_

_**Peanut butter jelly time!**_

"Just cut..."

_**Take 105**_

"I hate my life..."

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE-!"

_**Breaktime**_

Cody was using this time to check his emails. Doofenshmirtz's eyes widened.

"Wait! That's it! That's a PC!"

Milky turned to Doofenshmirtz and then back at his laptop before facepalming himself. "Oh, now it makes sense!"

_Take my banana and shove it up your..._

"Hello, I'm a Mac."

"And I'm Cody."

"Screw it, I give up, as far as I know a Mac **is** a PC, this advert makes no sense, I'm going."

**(~)**

**Old Spice**

Hello, fatties.

Look at your pet,

back to me,

now back at your pet.

Sadly, it's not me. But if you went and bought a platypus, you can have a cheap impersenation of me.

Look down,

back up.

Where are you?

Still reading this, you weirdo?

Look left,

back at me.

There's now cheese.

Look again.

...no reason.

Anything is possible when you have a Perry the Platy-.

"Perry, what are you doing?"

"...Uh...just making a little...advert..."

"Yeah...maybe you should read a book."

"...Okay..."

**(~)**

**Psychopathypus**

So, here's what you need to know: Perry was bored one day so he decided to down a whole load of red bull, and watch YouTube. You may not know this, but red bull has pretty strange affects on platypus insides; it causes them to jump about a shrivel. So that added with hours of mindless entertainment from the internet, forced Perry to spaz out, attacking other people and uttering nonsensical terms.

"The cake is a lie! AAHH!"

So, his friends threw her in the looney bin. They all hope he'll get better, but there's no guarantees.

_(Meanwhile, in the local asylum...)_

Perry began rocking herself back and forth in the corner of her comfy cell. He began twitching like a mad man...er, platypus, as he muttered to no one in particular, "Cake, cake? Double rainbow! Hide yo kids, all lies, LIES!"

_"Perry..."_

Perry snapped out of his crazy fantasies, scanning the empty room for any other living lifeforms. "Who's there," Perry asked standing up and turning to the glass wall behind him, "Who are you? Is anyone there?"

_"...Me!" _his reflection answered.

Perry jumped back in shock. "You're not real," he cried.

On the other side of the glass wall, Doofenshmirtz and Phineas were both witnessing Perry reaction.

"Perry's lost it," Phineas said.

"Why do you think he's here, Captain Obvious," Doofenshmirtz asked.

_"If I wasn't real could I do this?"_

The lights in the room turned a hellish red as there were suddenly random words on the wall, all internet memes and different ingrediants to alchoholic beverages. Perry stared at the walls in horror before turning back to the mirror wall. "How are you doing that?"

"Hey, watch this" Doofenshmirtz snickered, "Hey. You're mom was at my house last night."

"Really," Perry asked.

"Yea, me and her were making eggs."

"Well, that, doesn't make sense..."

Doofenshmirtz and Phineas both chuckled.

_"Have you forgotten why you were put here in the first place?"_

Perry's eyes widened as his reflection's head tore from his body, and flew into the air, along with two other random platypus heads that appeared out of nowhere. They began bouncing around as they sang:

_**Nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan**_

"No! NO," Perry screamed.

"Hey, my turn," Phineas said turning to Perry, "You have herpes!"

"No, no..."

"We cured your herpes."

"NoooOOO!"

"The Easter Bunny is REAL!"

"NO! Oh gosh no..."

Phineas snickered before seeing Doofenshmirtz glaring at him, saying in an almost disgusted tone, "That's not cool."

"Uh, Dr. D," Phineas said, "What's doing...?"

_**"Nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan"**_

"Is he...singing," Phineas asked.

"It's worse than we thought," Doofenshmirtz sighed.


	14. Author's Note: PLEASE READ

**HELLO PEEPS! This is not another episode/chapter/request, but it is something that you guys should read:**

**1. I am currently going to be working on the next chapter of this series; the only characters I am going to use are Doofenshmirtz, Phineas, and Perry for reasons you'll soon see once I am done. Yes, Phineas's sky-diving experience will be revealed.**

**2. If none of you know this yet, I am also attempting to rewrite the other chapters; I already rewrote a bit of chapters 1-3, but I may do a bit more with them. I have noticed that my grammar is off in this story more than others...that's unfair, considering that I really like this story. I may ask for the assistance of a beta reader if needed, but I've never exactly had been beta read before.**

**3. I will only allow a few more OCs/Fan Characters to be used as recurring characters in this (2 more to be exact). If you want to have your character in an episode or as a recurring character, this is how you must write their bio:**

**Name:**

**Sex (or if you prefer Gender, then that's cool too):**

**Age:**

**Species:**

**Personality:**

**Other/Biography (for this make a five sentence-long story about your character; if it interests me, I may use the story in the series):**

**Now, keep reading, this is veeerrrry important: If the character you wish to use is one of the characters that you already use in your stories, then you must make them the polar opposite of how they usually act in your story. For example, if your character is usually serious, then make him immature, or even a bit crazy (preferably at least partially insane).**

**4. To those who don't know this, this is how you can ask for requests:**

**1-You can give me one-word requests (ex: "Pomegranate")**

**2-You can give me specific detail of how the story should be done (WARNING: I'll add my own twists to it)**

**You cannot make an overly romantic or fluffy request! This story makes couples as vague as possible if they are mentioned. I AM planning to write a "side-story" to Across the Psychotic Dimension that may show that kind of fluff, but not too much. I'll talk more about that when I actually get down to it.**

**Please, try to refrain from getting me to reveal any secrets via story, please. It ruins the cause and effect.**

**5. Tell me how I can improve. I want to know if I'm doing something wrong or right with the stories. I'm not asking for you to flame me, I'm asking for constructive criticism. Sorry, trolls, there's no room for you here.**

**Anyways, thank you, readers, for caring to read this, and thank you for your patience. You guys are awesome. :3**


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